The "Gay" Talk
February 18, 2009 at 2:08 PM by Cafe Kierna - Comments (20)
I've avoided posting about this obviously controversial topic because I don't want to rabble rouse, nor do I care to stand on any soap box about my personal feelings about homosexuality. But let's face it, it's a "public" subject, one that our children are exposed to in this increasingly public world, and guess what? We are on the very public Internet. So let's talk.
A friend sent me a link to this parenting story today: Daddy, what does 'gay' mean? It's a laugh-out-loud story about a child's innocent question, the gay question, the one that's bound to face all of us moms of big kids if it hasn't already. After reading it, I thought about a scenario that my sister, the wedding planner, recently faced with her 6-year-old (very precocious) daughter. Here's how it went:
My sister runs her wedding planning biz from home. Naturally, my very girly niece is sensitive to all things wedding related. Really. I mean this child knows her hors d'oeuvres, her silk shantung and her calla lilies. One morning my sister was watching a wedding design special with celeb designer Jonathan Adler. It just so happened that he referenced his "partner" and their own fabulous wedding. Before she knew it, the image was on the screen. Two men in tuxedos. Well.
"Mommy!" shouts my niece. "Can two boys get married?!"
"Um, well," stumbles my sis over her words. "Yes, in some places."
"Really?" says my niece.
"In some states, if two men really love each other, they are called gay, and yes, they are allowed to get married."
Long silence. The six-year-old brain is at work.
"Wow," says my niece. "So can two girls get married too?"
"Well, yes. If they really love each other," says my sis, not quite believing that this is the conversation she's having with her first-born child.
"So I can marry Olivia?!"
When
my sister first relayed this story to me, I laughed for days. Children
are so innocent. Of course my niece wants to marry Olivia; she's her
best friend in the world. Who better to eat hors d'oeuvres with? But it also made me think about the
inevitability of facing the subject of homosexuality as a parent. It can
pop up when you least expect it, and the way you react to it will
undoubtedly have an impact on your kid. I was proud of how my sister
handled things with my niece. She was straightforward and without
saying too much, she didn't avoid the truth. I hope I can be that cool when it's my turn to explain what gay is.
And as for whether or not my niece can marry Olivia, "No you cannot," said my sis. "You are not an adult and only adults get married."
Has your child asked you what 'gay' means? How did you explain it?
FILED UNDER: behavior, education, sex & dating
Want to leave a comment and join the discussion?
Sign up for CafeMom. As a member you'll be able to leave comments, join groups, share photos, and more. Already a member? Click here to log in.
Or, leave a guest comment (guest comments are moderated and won't appear immediately)
My daughter heard that Katy Perry song "I kissed a girl" on the radio and she said "Ewww, she said 'KISSED A GIRL!"... at four she wouldn't really understand what I want to tell her about how this is normal - it's ok - and it's accepted - and that we love everyone without prejudice.
At that moment, on the highway, I told her "Oh she just meant kissed on the cheek..."
In a few years when she has a little bit more of a grasp of understand on human relationships (she still thinks she can marry her daddy) I will explain it more to her in depth about how 'love' works. ;)
I agree with RanaAurora Love is Love it comes in all shapes, sizes, colors and ages. I am going to be just as honest with my children as I would want them to be with me.
She is only 2. So no. But she has an aunt who is gay, so im sure she will grow up just understanding that love isnt bound by genders.. Im ready for whatever question she may ask- I hope. :)
We watch American Idol with our kids, and some contestants have been obviously homosexual. We just explain that some people get confused about their sexual identity and gender assignment and we love everyone regardless, but believe that when someone desires, they can trust God to help them with their confusion.
That's so cute. Your sister definitely handled it in the perfect way.
Kind of reminds me of my moms answers to my questions when she was pregnant. She never told me or my siblings any "stork" BS.
"But... How does the baby come out?" "Well, God makes a special opening."
And that explaination was enough. Kids really don't need any complicated answers.
Rana said it best :) I agree with her
check out a prop 8 documentary if you are interested! prop8films.org
My 7yo has pretty much always been aware of "gay" because her Uncle Tim who happens to live in Australia where he can legally have a civil union was "married to a boy" and now he is "divorced from a boy"... my daughter thinks it's "weird" but then she sighs and says: "but that's just the way some people are... sometimes a girl loves a girl and sometimes a boy loves a girl and that's okay"... gotta love the wisdom of a kid! :)
That is great story! Your sister is really great that she can handle questions like that so well. I am going to try and remember that for when my baby gets old enough to ask that question.
Check out some of the most popular topics today in Answers:
Gay means that two people love each other. Not only men and women can love each other, but two women can, and two men can. There's no wrong or right answer. Love is love.
That's my personal belief, and what my son knows as well.
RanaAurora Feb. 18, 2009 at 4:00 PM