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Weaning a Co-Sleeper: One Mom's Story
January 5, 2009 at 8:13 AM by Cafe Cynthia - Comments (12)
Photo by roxysmommy
As so many moms here will tell you, co-sleeping can be an extremely positive experience for both mom and child. But at some point, even attachment parenting mothers may decide it's time to move their toddler to a crib or big kid bed--for their own various and personal reasons.
For Lsmom, owner of the private Sleep Issues (non cry-it-out) group, that time came when her oldest daughter was 19 months old (she's nearly three now) and she was two months pregnant with her youngest.
"It was getting harder for me, my daughter, and my husband to sleep well. It was fine when she was smaller, but she began to toss and turn around a lot in her sleep. Plus, I didn't want a toddler kicking me in my pregnant tummy all night long."
So, how do you teach a co-sleeping toddler to sleep in her own bed without cry-it out? Read on to find out how Lsmom did it ...
Cafe Cynthia: How did you begin co-sleeping?
Lsmom: I have always been an attachment style parent and never wanted to have my baby in another room, but at first I was afraid I would roll over on her. So I had her in a bassinet next to the bed. She, however, did not sleep well unless she was right beside me. After many many nights of being up and down, I finally realized that it was easier to have her in the bed with me. With my second, I was a seasoned mom and knew that I was not going to roll onto my baby. My second, who is now 6.5 months, has slept with me since the day she was born, and will until at least a year.
How did you know it was time to transition your older daughter to her own bed?
I thought that it would be a good idea to get her used to sleeping in her room before the new baby came. I didn't want her to feel like she was being replaced, so I wanted her in her own bed long before the new baby came. We got her a new big girl bed and she was very excited about it ... so that told me that it would not be too hard of a transition.
How did you do it?
Step One I started out by night weaning her, because she was still nursing a lot at night. She was nursing every 30 minutes, all night long. I would hold her and rock her, sing to her, whatever it took, but not allow her to nurse. That was the hardest part, and heartbreaking at times, but I was determined that we had to do it.
I would tell my daughter that at nighttime the "mimis" went night-night too, and would not wake up until Mr. Sun came back. We would go to the window and look out and I would ask her if she saw Mr. Sun. She totally understood, but sometimes would get really upset about it. I just held her and cuddled her and told her it was okay. It was hard at times. Sometimes I would start crying right along with her.
I was so sleep deprived from the year and a half of no sleep and the craziness of nursing all night long. I just wanted to sleep!! But, we stuck with it and I cuddled her and loved on her and soon it got better. Before we knew it she was night weaned ... and then we could start working on transitioning her to her room.
Step Two I waited until she was totally used to the night weaning thing, so that it would not be too big of a transition. Then we started doing her normal routine of a bath, snack, reading books, prayers, and bedtime.
I laid with her in her twin bed and patted her bottom until she went to sleep. Sometimes, this took hours at the beginning, and sometimes I fell asleep and slept in the bed with her in her room. But, soon it got to where she was falling asleep faster and faster.
When she fell asleep, I would leave her room. If she woke up, I would very matter-of-factly take her back to her room and lay with her and pat her back until she fell asleep. This took awhile, but after a matter of a few months she was falling asleep quickly at night (within 10 minutes) and she was waking less and less at night. After about 8 weeks she was waking once a night most nights and going right back to sleep after a quick drink. We succeeded!! And it was all done gently.
Does she sleep in her own bed all night long?
It took her several months to get to where she was used to it and falling asleep and staying asleep easily. I still allow her to come into our bed and climb into bed with us at times, but she loves her room and her bed and will ask to "go to my princess bed" when she is laying in our bed.
How was the transition for you!?
I miss it greatly. I have a 6.5 month old now that is co-sleeping, and I love it. I think about our "big girl" across the hall and it makes me a little sad. I just want to go get her and have her with me. I love nothing more than when my 6.5 month old, my 2.5 year old, my husband, and myself are all laying there sleeping together ... it is so blissful.
++Did you have a similar or different experience weaning a co-sleeping toddler? How long to you plan to continue co-sleeping with your tot?
Comments:
i am currently co-sleeping with my 15 month old. i LOVE it, but like Lsmom, i'd like to ttc soon. so even BEFORE i go that route, we're going to try to wean her from co-sleeping. unfortunately, we dont have anywhere to put her, so her toddler bed will have to be in our room until we have a bigger place. so we may or may not hold off till thats possible.
My daughter just turned 2 and my hubby said that by the time she was two she needed to be in her own bed. I am working very hard on it and have spent some time on her floor next to her toddler bed. But she is getting there even though it is a bit tough for both of us!
My son is almost 2 and a half and he still co-sleeps with us. After i stopped breast feeding at about age one he moved into his toddler bed and shortly after he got sick and came back into the bed with us. Each month i keep telling myself he will move into his toddler bed but now he is ready for a big boy bed. I need to make the move but haven't yet. I have enjoyed reading this posts because it is nice to know that i am not alone in the feelings of transition.
My son is about to turn 3 and still co sleeps with us. I'm 4months pregnant and it seems to be getting harder for all all of us to sleep in the same bed. I also want to get my son use to his room and own bed before the baby comes so he doesn't feel like he's getting replaced. I haven't started the transition yet, I'm to nervous. I know it has to be done but the last thing I want is for him to feel sad and cry. That will kill me! What do I do?
My DD is almost 20 months and we have co slept for months now. We love it but the privacy and intimacy between hubby is lost. We don't have another room for her other then the sunroom...we want to maybe get a toddler bed for her in there but I have mixed emotions on moving her out of our bed.
We sleep with our 6 year old and 16 month old. The 6 year old can and has slept by herself without issue, but why make her all the time? She has her own bed when she wants it, so it is her choice. Sleeping is a great family bonding time for us. As she gets older I expect she will choose her own bed more often.
My almost 4 year old daughter goes to sleep with me every night. When daddy comes to bed he moves her. I wish I could get her to sleep in her own bed but I do not like the crying, it is easier for me to just cuddle up with her at night in my bed than to hear her scream and cry. I think i need help!
For heaven's sake, put the kids in their OWN beds and if they cry, so what! I think it's getting ridiculous. And while it will make you feel bad when they cry, don't start crying yourself!! You have to grow a backbone! Sorry, but that's how I see it. Or this next generation of kids will grow up to be the wimpy-est generation ever!
I also love co-sleeping with our son (2yrs 3mnths), but lately my body aches so much during the day, that I realised I've become really moody and I don't cope as well as I should. So we are also trying to get him to sleep in his own bed. It's very hard still and he keeps waking up before midnight to come get in bed with us, but at least it's a start.
There's a time for everything in life and I'm thankful for the precious moments we've had together. Now's the time to teach him it's ok to be a person all on his own too at times.
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I have a 3 1/2 year old and we still co-sleep; however, there are nights when he needs to sleep in his own room because I need to work on the computer. So I started him sleeping in his own bed by following our usual routine, which was always a book before lights out. I would read the books, turn lights out and sit with him - then I would suddenly "remember" something I forgot and tell him I would be right back. I would go do something and then come right back. I would keep doing this, each time making the trip out of the room longer and longer. In the beginning, I would stay with him until he fell asleep (he wanted to hug my ears). After a few days, he would fall asleep waiting for me. He would also take my hair clip out to hold while I was gone and I would also ask him if he wanted his door open or closed so he had some control over the situation. When I came back, I would hug him and tell him how great he was doing "settling down". If he didn't fall asleep, he would ask for a hug to bring me back and I would come up and hug him ONLY if he was still in bed and still settled down. Now, even though he's back in my bed most days, he can still fall asleep in his own as well.
JPsMommy605 Jan. 5, 2009 at 10:33 AM