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Refusing to Pick Up Toys -- Ask Mrs Manners
June 9, 2009 at 7:35 AM by Cafe Cynthia - Comments (5)
Dear MrsManners:
My 4 year old daughter was awarded the best "Clean Up Helper" at preschool, but she won't pick up her toys at home and her 3 year old brother is even worse.
I've given time-outs, taken away TV time, bagged toys and stowed them away. I've even thrown out many of the old beat-up ones. I've tried making it a game to music and getting on the floor and helping them. My 1 year old is a bigger help than these two!
Other than this they are really good kids. My husband works out of the country as an offshore oil field driller, so he is home 24 days, gone for 34, and I know that doesn't help with the behavior. It's just been a really, really long week so any help would be great! -- momx32
MrsManners says:
I'm beyond impressed. I love that you aren't afraid to try absolutely every option. I think you have some very well behaved children and you should be commended.
You have tried all the right things, but what you may have left out is a lesson in responsibility.
Your children are old enough to understand what that word means. Sit down and explain to them that responsibility in this case means "a task they need to perform."
But, why? they may ask.
Start by explaining all of your responsibilities: caring for them, feeding them, clothing them. Tell them that their responsibility (or "job" if that's a better word) is to pick up toys. Every member of the family is responsible for something, and as they get older, they will get even more jobs.
Try to keep the chat upbeat and positive, not overly serious or stern. If they seem hesitant later to clean up, remind them of their responsibility/job.
They are going to resist. When they do, talk to them about empathy, which is really at the heart of manners. Getting them to think about how someone else feels may motivate them to clean up because no child wants their mommy or daddy to be sad or mad. Tell them how you feel (sad, mad, upset) when they refuse to tidy up. Compare it to a specific time when they felt frustrated to help them better understand.
To slow down the toy explosion a bit, try letting them play with one toy at a time. They must put the first toy away before they pull the second one out.
And instead of bagging or tossing toys, use the opportunity to teach your children how lucky they are to have so many toys. With their help, take them to a charity or donation center for kids that can't afford any.
Good luck and I hope this helps. Moms, please, if you have something great and creative to add, share it below. And PM me with a question for next week!
Angie aka MrsManners
Got a question for MrsManners? Ask it here! And check back every Tuesday for her answers.
Past Ask Mrs Manners columns:
10 Signs Your Toddler Is a Brat
Should Kids Be Forced to Share Toys?
Should Parents Say 'Thank You'?
How to Have Well Behaved Toddlers
My Son Won't Stop Touching Other Moms' Breasts!
FILED UNDER: mrs manners
Comments:
Yes, very nice suggestions. We found that having a "chore chart" that they could actually check off the list when they cleaned up helped tremendously. They loved seeing the shiny stickers add up and it allowed me to break the "clean-up" into smaller jobs (i.e. stuffed animals, action figures, etc.) and these didn't have to be done all at the same time, but often were so they could get more stickers. They get to do a fun and messy project like paint or clay when they get enough stickers.
I agree that it needs to be broken into small tasks. Kids get easily overwhelmed by a large mess...even more than we do. :) Pick up all your baby dolls...now pick up all the trucks...now pick up all the things that are blue, etc. I like the "Saturday Basket" idea from the previous comment, AND the Chore Chart.
Good luck, Momma. I hope you get some good ideas!
what i do with my grandsons is what i did with my kids when they were litlle. i asked them to pick up the toys ( hot wheels, blocks, legos) if its not done i get a big trash bag pick it up and put it away for a while ( a few weeks, and gradually bring them out., but the other problem is they have so much stuff i 
ink they really miss it.
Thanks for the help and the ideas. I just get so frustrated when I know they CAN do the job they just blow it off.
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I will have to try that suggestion for my kids. I just started a "Saturday Basket" and when I find things laying around I tell them it goes in that basket and they don't get it back until Saturday. My 10 year old gets it, and my 3 year old starts picking things up and says "This is for the Saturday basket!" So we have a way to go with him to understand he doesn't get them BACK until Saturday. LOL But at least he's picking up the stuff!
anniero Jun. 10, 2009 at 9:08 AM