How do you deal with your mother-in-law?

I am eight months pregnant with my first child and we might have to move in with my husband's parents later on. The only problem with that is I absolutely disagree with EVERYTHING my mother in law thinks of parenting. She lets her nine year old drink coffee, they cuss all the time, and they let children do anything they want to the point that it is hazardous almost.
I'm afraid she'll conflict me with my decisions on raising my child. She has already tried doing that with our wedding and life in general. I want to raise my child my own way.

Any advice?


Asked by bluelady27 at 3:56 PM on Jan. 3, 2009 in Relationships

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This question is closed and filed in the CafeMom Encyclopedia.
Answers (14)
  • Don't move into her home. Try to find another place for your family.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:03 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

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  • I would try to make other living arrangements if that is at all possible. If not, Have a sit down with the in-laws and your husband and outline what you expect from each other. Tell them how you are planning to raise your child and that when it comes to that, you don't want any interference. Do this BEFORE you move in with them.

    Answer by Rebecca7708 at 4:03 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

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  • Have responsibility in their house, too, so that they will see you as equals and not as visitors, or children that they control. Take over certain major chores, for example, contribute half of the expenses. If you are equal partners in the household, then you have equal rights.

    Answer by Bmat at 4:07 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

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  • Just say it straight out... this is my child and this is how I want my child to be taught. I've had to tell my mom more then once and I hated being so harsh with my mom but one time she wouldn't stop pushing it so I finally just said, "Why are you being suck a -----. You might have done that with me but I'm not you and this is my child not yours." She has pushed me on them sort of topics since. If its something stupid I don't make a big deal out of... but if its something more important then ya I definitly just give it straight forward. My in law has never really pushed anything but I have a feeling we'll butt heads when my daughter starts eating real food... cuz they feed her cousin junk food all the time and I'm not having that.

    Answer by dtetz at 4:13 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

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  • I think you should have a talk before you move in, make sure you are going to be treated as adults and not as children. As for your own child, they should be acting as the grandparent, not the parent, they cant make choices that you dont approve of first, and you need to make it clear you wont stand for it. I know how you feel about the situation, bc my MIL is the same way, she thinks that bc she is the gma she can do what she wants .. it has led to many arguements. Good luck!!

    Answer by Mommy_of_two_85 at 4:14 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

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  • If you DO have to move in you need to sit her down and tell her straight up how you feel and that you do not want that around your child and it will NOT be OK for your kid to act like that. Thankfully your little one will be a baby for a while so maybe you will have time to get back on your feet and get out of their.... but even still your MIL will always be around and she needs to know! I have to do it every once in a while with my husbands parents AND my parents, and you might piss someone off, but it's YOUR child!

    Answer by luckyme85 at 4:19 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

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  • Is there any way that you can go somewhere else instead of moving in with them? I hate to say this I know it isn't what you want to hear, but if she is that way and you aren't living with her it's only going to be worse when she is under your roof. Having a new born is tough and stressful enough without someone forcing their thoughts and say so on you. Not to mention depending on how long you live there the 9 yr old can start to be a bad influence on your child. Your best bet is to find a different answer or solution to avoid moving in with them.

    Answer by bubblycute at 4:37 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

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  • I hated my inlaws. I lived with them as well and they disagreed with EVERYTHING I did with my dd. Find nice HUD or Section 8 housing. Don't live with your inlaws.

    Answer by peppermintmocha at 5:05 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

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  • Do not move in with them.

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 6:18 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

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  • I think if there's anyway on earth you; don' t move in with your in laws, or parents period. You're grown, you got married, you're having a child, stay away from living with parents. However, we all face unavoidable circumstances, things we can't change or control. In that instance I would be very clear; not necessarily telling her the problems with her parenting. I would make sure she knew who was in charge of this child, and who the child's parent's are. Also, if you're living with the parents, make sure you don't ask the parents to keep or look after the child. Make sure you are the one keeping and taking care of the child. That gives you more leeway in speaking up for your parenting style.


    Answer by peachqpti at 9:02 PM on Jan. 3, 2009

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