Did your child ever have an issue with being adopted?

We have a 16 year old Korean-born son. Adoption was always open discussion, same as his ethnicity. But with the teen years and appearance and being "cool" as the thing, could some of his acting out behaviors be a result of accepting the fact that he is Asian in a Caucasian community? He has alot of friends, so no one else has a problem and actually the girls seem to be drawn to him even more so -- he is cute I must say.

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Squirrel1001

Asked by Squirrel1001 at 4:15 PM on Jan. 6, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (7)
  • As an adult adoptee I would have to say that the teen years are more difficult for "some" adoptees simply because it is an added factor in the time of trying to firm up your identity. I happened to be in an adoptive family of the same culture/ethnicity but one of my adoptee friends was a Korean in a caucasian family and she really had a terrible time.

    I would suggest doing some research specifically on Korean adoptees. There is quite a movement on YouTube specifically related to supporting Korean adoptees adopted into caucasian cultures/families. Best of luck to you and your son during this time!
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 4:49 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

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  • That sounds more like a cultural thing more than an adoption specific thing. There are millions and I mean MILLIONS who struggle to fit in because they are the minority and they are nto adopted.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:51 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

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  • I guess there's no way of telling if his acting out is due to being adopted/adopted out of his culture/ or just plain teen stuff. But, I have heard from adult adoptees from Korea that being outside of your own culture is a double whammy. So I agree, do some google searches about it.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 5:52 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

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  • It is both a cultural and adoption "thing." It is normal. But acting out, depending on the degree of behavioral issues, in not acceptable. Being popular because he is Asian can also be a bummer and a low self-esteem issue. Why? Because knowing that you are one of only two children with an Asian ethnicity is a little awkward. Many kids who are adopted and come from a differnt ethnic/cultural background than their parents are popular. They find they have no choice. Read Black Baby White Hands by Jaya John. He talks openly, painfully candid, about his experiences growing up black in a white family. Sometimes humorous and sometimes so sad it breaks your heart - a must read for all transracial families and a look into understanding the child you adopted.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:40 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

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  • cont... There are lots of good books on transracial adoptions and the impact on children/teens/adults who are the adoptees. One book is also painful to a lot of adoptive parents. I believe it is called Outside looking In. I'm not sure. PM me if your intersted. I'm downstairs and the book is in my child's playroom - I take it out from time to time to reread. So many great reads. Anyone wanting books can PM me for a few titles of good reads. Not all are great that I have sifted through. Also Adoptive Family magazine has been very helpful and a wonderful magazine for both adoptive parents, family, adoptees, and birthmothers.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:45 PM on Jan. 6, 2009

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  • I, too, am an adoptive mother of Korean childrean. My daughter is 14 and my son is 9. They both, so far, feel positive about being adopted and being Korean. There is a Korean Culture Camp in the summer (just 1 week) that each have them have attended every year since they were 4 years old.
    I beleive that the camp has really helped them feel positive about themselves. My 14 year old daughter has made some very close friendships over the years. Several of her friends live in other states, yet, she keeps up with them via phone and computer.

    As a family, we also try to do cultural activities as often as possible. I know that this certainly can't replace what their lifestyle would have been like in Korea, but, as they get older the kids aren't as anxious to partake in the activities as we are. Teenagers just want to assimilate, you know? We have very open communication in our household concerning adoption, feelings,etc.
    funwithfaithmom

    Answer by funwithfaithmom at 4:20 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

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  • Thanks for all of your replies! Very appreciated.
    Squirrel1001

    Answer by Squirrel1001 at 7:54 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

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