When should you have the sex talk with your child?

I have an 8yr old daughter and I'm wondering when you should have the talk? I feel like at this age they are paying attention to everything around them and sex is everywhere you look these days. I don't want her to get the wrong message or think that sex is what she should be thinking about.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:19 PM on Jul. 17, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed and filed in the CafeMom Encyclopedia.
Answers (21)
  • I personally think 8 is too young for the sex talk, unless she starts asking questions. But be technical with your answers at this age. My hubby gave our son the biological sex talk in the 7th grade, you know, the egg and the sperm. He made it all scientific because our son is too young yet. But we decided it was time because, like you said, sex is everywhere now a days and kids are having it younger and younger. You should pretty much just listen to yourself and where your daughter is mentally and physically. I know a lot of people have the sex talk when their daugthers start their periods.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 12:24 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

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  • My oldest child is 6 and he has got to be the most inquisitive little boy. He knows more than most 9 and 10 year olds do. If you feel comfortable with talking about it, I would say the earlier the better. I would rather have my children hear it from me than their buddies and I want them to understand from the get go that I am comfortable with it and that they can come to me with anything. My sister on the other hand has a 9 year old daughter who already started her period and hasn't had any of those talks with her. I had her over the summer and since she still was unclear about even her period coming back, took it upon myself to talk with her. Allow oyur child to be properly informed so that they are able to make the right choices on their own.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

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  • Ive always heard that now a days you have to start as young as possible.. by the time they are in middle school, they already now everything, I did. Not from my parents, they were too embarassed! Just watch the news, 3rd graders giving each other oral sex in the classroom?!?! I would rather get to my daughter first, explain it to her and then explain why you should try to wait until marriage. Give her a sense of integrity and a reason to stay pure. I want my daughter to look at her virginity as something special.
    davesgirl86

    Answer by davesgirl86 at 12:59 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

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  • well its up to you, i would say at least talk to her by 5th or 6th grade though, my parents never talked about it all they did was tell me how i would ruin the family if i got pregnant before i was married..and then i got pregnant at 16 the summer after 9th grade..i dont blame them though i wasnt stupid i knew what could happen in the back of my mind i knew it could just didnt think it would..i dont know before 6th grade sounds good tho cuz thats when alot of kids start dating and stuff..
    jaelynsmama07

    Answer by jaelynsmama07 at 12:49 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

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  • my daughter is 9 now but i had the talk at 8. she had been asking all sorts of very inquisitive questions. i simply asked her if she thought she was ready, after that i stared by explaining puberty first then explained how she would be expierencing all sorts of new emotions that she should recognise as part of puberty( i.e. noticing boy's) i then explained about responsibility about grown up activities. she then said to me she was in no hurry to be a grown up. i can only hope what isaid was the right way to guid her.
    ellecramer

    Answer by ellecramer at 3:02 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

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  • I think you should give them the talk BEFORE junior high!!! I was a middle school teacher, and those kids know A LOT more than you think they do. So the sooner you have that talk with your child, the better... and then you won't have to worry about where else they might be getting their information. Plus, your child is 8 and probably still has a good trusting relationship with you... when they get to be 10-12, they won't think you're as "cool" as you are to them now.
    crazysocks830

    Answer by crazysocks830 at 4:45 PM on Jul. 17, 2008

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  • ASAP - As Soon As Puberty!!
    vakatia

    Answer by vakatia at 1:59 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

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  • Think about this... the normal range for starting her period is from 8 to 15.
    You don't want her to start screaming and crying in the bathroom some morning because she thinks she is bleeding to death. Even before that, she will be asking questions with her friends - who knows what mis-information they will come up with.

    You can introduce the topic of what is goind to happen to her body with very little sexual information. Try the book "The Care and Keeping of You". It's for this age range and says next to nothing about sex.

    Then go looking for a good book about sex aimed at young teens that you can give her when she's a little older. The best way to keep her safe is to give her info, to give her the resources to tell her friends the truth and to tell the stupid boys that you CAN get pregnant the first time or standing up or whatever lie the boy tries to use.
    kaycee14

    Answer by kaycee14 at 2:52 PM on Jul. 18, 2008

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  • lets ask the kids when we should have the sex talk instead of the mothers...

    after a 5th grade boy told me that most of his classmates had had some sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me exactly what he meant by sexual experience - i decided i would be talking to my girls about sex from about 2nd grade on. obviously, you are going to make it age appropriate.

    i have 3 daughters who have never been afraid to ask mom a question and no teen pregnancies. being open is not going to give the message that you are saying it's ok to go ahead and do it.
    SannySoo

    Answer by SannySoo at 3:07 AM on Jul. 19, 2008

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  • I have to say the earlier the better. I have a 12 yr old daughter and her friends are always hanging out at our house. I have heard some pretty disturbing things from them to about what girls and boys their ages are doing. I have talked to my daughter about sex already. Her friends are 13 and 14 and and have already have had sex. Yeah that scares the hell out of me. I dont belive in choosing her friends for her and she is a pretty smart kid so I TRUST her...maybe not her friends lol. So i would strongly suggest having the "talk" as early as possible because these days kids are learning from their friends be4 you would think they should even know what it is.
    nettiesue2007

    Answer by nettiesue2007 at 3:01 PM on Jul. 19, 2008

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