Which in-laws are hardest to deal with?

Which inlaws, the wife's or the husband's, are hardest to deal with? How do you deal with overbearing inlaws that want to be involved in things that they need not be. How do you set clear limits without alienating anyone. How do you get inlaws to see your family (husband, wife, children) as just that... Your family?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:26 AM on Jan. 14, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (15)
  • It's a process, that's for sure. Just like you do with children, you have to set boundaries with the in-laws, and they need to respect those boundaries. They need to know what's acceptable and what is not. As in any relationship, communication is key.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:30 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

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  • All of them. This is what you do, move about 10 to 20 hours away from them. Or clear across the country. Then you don't have to worry about seeing/dealing them but once or twice a year.


    My problem they always asked when we were going to have a baby. See before I met my DH I had a tubaligation. They hounded me for about 5 years about that.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:46 AM on Jan. 14, 2009

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  • I agree with PP. All of them. I don't know all that much about being forceful in setting boundaries. I guess I've been pretty lucky with the two sets of in-laws I've had so far. They've been helpful but not too overbearing. My own mother on the other hand is a completely different story. I'd rather spend a day with my in-laws than my own mom.
    sillyt

    Answer by sillyt at 12:09 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

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  • I am very lucky in that my parents are not overbearing. They love to be included when asked, but they never force themselves to be a part of anything that we want to be just us.
    My husbands parents, on the other hand, want nothing to do with us. I can count on one hand the number of times that they have seen our children and they live less that 10 miles away. It is not that we have excluded them, they just choose not to take part.
    I feel bad for my children, who are missing out on an extra set of grandparents, but at least the rest of my husbands family loves them and is a part of their lives.
    NewMommyin06

    Answer by NewMommyin06 at 12:09 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

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  • i make sure that i don't tell my family or his family about our problems. if you say something then you are welcoming them into your life. i have no problems with mine. only concern i have is the way my mil treats my fil. she always puts him down. i feel sad for him.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 12:49 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

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  • I am lucky my inlaws are wonderful!! Always respectful of our choices; ect. and yes his mother is almost 80 and lives right next door. But I never have any problems with her. She don't call unless we need to know something, or she's having a bad day due to health; ect. Okay it's not like that she calls about 1-2 times a month.. NOW on the other hand my hubby is not as lucky as I am. My mother can be a real pain in the behind. She'll call to let him know that she has voulenteered his services to another family member well atleast 2-4 times every single month. and if it's not for a family member it's for her.
    jackieb1023

    Answer by jackieb1023 at 1:38 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

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  • MINE!!!
    mrsmostafa

    Answer by mrsmostafa at 1:43 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

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  • In our case, my husbands parents are way worse to deal with. Actually, his whole family. They are way to involved in our lives. My family on the other hand, calls to check up on us, we see them a few times a year. His parents live close to us and want us to come over constantly. Of course they can't come to our house. They're just difficult. I haven't figured out how to improve things. I've tried talking to my husband about it and he just gets defensive.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:05 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

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  • I think the wifes parents are usually the overbearing ones. Not sure of course. Probably because the wife is closer to her mother than the husband (sometimes). First thing is keep them posted on important events and let them be involved. Don't alienate them. Dont' ask their opinions on matters that you don't want them involved in and its best to not even discuss it until a decision is made. Don't live with them and don't live next to them if you can help it or you have a SUPER relationship. Its best to be far enough away to live your own life, but close enough that you can visit. My mom and my inlaws are about 45 - 50 min and my dad is about 30. Just perfect. Once you become secure in your own choices, it emits from you and parents will back off once they realize they have no say.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 4:55 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

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  • 14 YEAR MARRIAGE, 20 YEAR RELATIONSHIP, 6 KIDS AND WE ARE JUST NOW MAKIN A 2WAY EFFORT, WE ARE JUST NOW CALLING EACH OTHER N' BEING CIVIL. LOTS OF PRAYER, LOTS OF BOUNDARIES, MISSED CHRISTMAS ETC GIRL BUT FOR THAT RESPECT, THE SAKE OF YOUR FAMILY "UNITY" N' ACKNOWLEDGEMENT YOU HAVE TO DO IT...........
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:43 PM on Jan. 14, 2009

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