What are the pros and cons of being a stepmom?

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3kidsatonce

Asked by 3kidsatonce at 1:03 PM on Jan. 21, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (13)
  • I have been a stepmom since we married in 2003, but I met my stepson in 1998, so he's been in my life a while. He was 6 when we met and now he is 17.

    I'll be flat out honest with you...I see no pros to being a step mom. Plenty of cons, too many to list actually, I love my DH very much, that is why I chose to be a stepmom, but its all sacrafice, IMO. Don't get me wrong, I care for my SS a great deal and we have a nice relationship, but there just aren't any pros...except that I get my DH, if that makes any sense.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 1:31 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

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  • I have been in SS's life since the begining of 2004, but officially step mom since the begining of 2006. There really aren't any pros unless you are able to take on the role of mom. If the bio mom is the custodial parent then you are basically nothing to that child. It is quite possibly the moost thankless job around. Anyone who says that mother hood is a thankless job has never been a stepmom. You are expected to love them and treat them like they are your own, but you are expected to mind your own business when it comes to the details of their lives. You are not their mother therefore you have no say in their education, extracurricular activies, etc. My husband is great and appreciates all that I do, but when it comes down to it I have no say expcept for my influence on him. cont...
    PROGENITOR

    Answer by PROGENITOR at 2:38 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

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  • I've been a "part time" stepmom for 3 yrs i met my step daughter when she was 5 yrs old and my husband would get her maybe everyother weekend. We just got Full custody of her Nov. 08. The pros about being a step parent is she is in a much better enviroment then she was. But i agree with gramsmom there are way more cons than pros. I have a 2 yr old daughter (my own) which i love more than anything and Not being able to show that love as much because it makes my stepdaughter jealous totally sucks.
    tomsjennabean

    Answer by tomsjennabean at 1:45 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

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  • I recently took issue with SS going to school late and turning in late assignements and his mother felt I was overreacting. After five years I finally decided that I just don't give a rats ass anymore. I mean when you think about it no one gives credit to the step mom. When someone is praising the success of a man they don't say, "hey, your stepmom did a great job raising you!" And when someone is critizing a man they don't say, "Gee, your stepmom should have done a better job!" His success and failures are not a reflection of me, at least not a direct one. So I give up. It isn't my job to get him to school on time or make sure he is doing his homework and turning it in on time. And it the crappy things that the BM has done, like forgetting to pick him up from school and instead making a girls night out, don't phase him, she is still the best mom in the world.
    cont
    PROGENITOR

    Answer by PROGENITOR at 2:42 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

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  • I got married to my dh last april, but feel I've been a stepmom for a full year because I've been taking care of SS since dh got full custody.


    Pros
    I am not required to work right now because I take care of the house and SS and other things. It's less stressful - I can do things on my own schedule.

    Cons
    It's often like I am a single mother - for a kid that isn't mine. I do almost everything for this kid including getting him ready for school, helping with homework, taking him places, and do bathing and bathtime.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:43 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

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  • But SS aside, I love my husband and my husband loves me and our marriage is our priority, for the sake of our kids. If DH was the type to put his son before me then we probably wouldn't be together.
    PROGENITOR

    Answer by PROGENITOR at 2:44 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

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  • I'll be flat out honest with you...I see no pros to being a step mom. Plenty of cons, too many to list actually, I love my DH very much, that is why I chose to be a stepmom, but its all sacrafice, IMO. Don't get me wrong, I care for my SS a great deal and we have a nice relationship, but there just aren't any pros...except that I get my DH, if that makes any sense.
    --------------------
    AGREED!
    PROGENITOR

    Answer by PROGENITOR at 2:47 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

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  • I'll be flat out honest with you...I see no pros to being a step mom. Plenty of cons, too many to list actually, I love my DH very much, that is why I chose to be a step mom, but its all sacrifice, IMO. Don't get me wrong, I care for my SS a great deal and we have a nice relationship, but there just aren't any pros...except that I get my DH, if that makes any sense.
    --------------------
    AGREED!

    i also second this, and i have been one for six years and the garbage that goes on is still going on.
    mrssundin

    Answer by mrssundin at 3:45 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

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  • I have been a step mom for 2 1/2 years. I have three children of my own and with the step children that makes six total. My husbands children are 15 yr old son, 13 yr old daughter, and 11 yr old son. I agree that there really are no pros, and PLENTY of cons. I know when I met him that he had children and that is something that did not bother me. I am only twenty nine and with all the children I feel like he knows that I will do everything so why should he even try. And when I say everything, I mean everything from feeding the kids, laundry, dealing with schools, you name it I do it.
    dawnmitchell

    Answer by dawnmitchell at 10:29 PM on Jan. 21, 2009

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  • One pro I can come up with, if it can really be counted as a pro, was when I met my husband I could see that he was a good father and cared for the child that he admits he would have rather been terminated. Even today he still thinks everything would have been better off if she had at least considered the abortion that he wanted. He didn't want his child but took on the responsibility. So, I knew that he would be awesome with the kids he did want and did chose to bring into this world. And I was right! It really makes a difference in the kind of father a man is when he gets to chose who has his kid.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:00 PM on Jan. 22, 2009

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