3 Bumps

What should my son call my stepmom?

my mom passed away over 10 years ago, after a messy divorce. while she was still alive my father remarried. he and his wife have been together for about 15 years now. i don't always get along with my stepmother, but she makes my father very happy, and as i've grown up, i see that she always did have my best interest at heart, she just wasn't always good at showing it, never having any kids of her own. well, needless to say, bc of the divorce, my mother's family doesn't take kindly to my stepmother. when my son was born, my stepmother really reached out to me and i could tell she wanted to be involved with my son. xmas was a big turning point for us bc she asked if she could be called 'grammy sue,' which i thought was nice bc it had her name in it. my hubby's mom lives in Cali and is basically useless and i want my son to have grandparents but my mothers side (especially my grandmothers) is throwing a fit...(TBC)


Asked by mambearwhitt4 at 10:53 AM on Feb. 10, 2009 in Relationships

2 Level 1
This question is closed and filed in the CafeMom Encyclopedia.
Answers (17)
  • my grandmother is throwing a fit saying that my stepmom is not and never will be my son's grandmother. i think this is ridiculous bc my mother is deceased and not even around anymore and we're always going to tell him about her! i lived with my dad when my mom first died and then moved with my aunt for a few years bc i had a hard time adjusting to my stepmother-she is into rules and discipline, but she had never raised kids, so it was very black and white for her. when i was in high school i moved back and things got rough, but now, with a child of my own, i can understand a lot of the things she did. my stepmother honestly loved me and i was a hellish little girl and b*tch when i was in high school. so i don't know...what do you think? is my grandmother being selfish or should i not even be considering letting my son call my stepmom "Grammy Sue?" Oh, and another thing is it means a lot that she asked, didn't just assume.

    Answer by mambearwhitt4 at 10:57 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

    Credits: 2 Level 1
    Votes up:0 Votes down:0
  • If everything is good with everyone no negativity going on I don't see why he can't call her by her name or grandma ---------? whatever her name is.


    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 10:58 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

    Credits: 11831 Level 21
    Votes up:0 Votes down:0
  • I think he's your son, it's up to you, him, and your stepmom what he calls her. She made a very nice request for what to call him. As for yur mom's family, I would simply explain to them that as much as you wish she was, your mom is not here to be his grandma, and he is too young (I'm assuming) to understand a whole big thing about "mommy's mom died, and grandpa..." and so on. Your stepmom is willing to be his grandma, and that's a wonderful thing. Based on what she asked to be called, it sounds to me like she knows her place, and isn't trying to step into your mother's shoes. She knows she's a "step" and she just wants to feel included. Re-reading that last sentence, I sound harsh, but I'm not sure how to word it. She's not trying to replace your mom, she just wants to be a part of his life and his family.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:59 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

    Credits: 155 Level 7
    Votes up:0 Votes down:0
  • I think it is only your business what your child calls her. A name is a label for a relationship. If you want your child to have that relationship with her, let him call her whatever she would like. Everyone else can mind their business, it's your child.

    Answer by DDry at 11:00 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

    Credits: 0 Level 1
    Votes up:0 Votes down:0
  • This issue of what to call your SM is all up to you and your DH. Not anyone else in the family. If you want your children to call her grandma sue or grammy sue..Do it. I say.

    Answer by louise2 at 11:02 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

    Credits: 140961 Level 42
    Votes up:0 Votes down:0
  • I don't see anything wrong with it.. Is she going to be a part of your sons life?? Its ok that you will tell your son about his bio grandmother, when the time is right.. There is NOTHING wrong with that.. This is about YOUR son. NOT about your grandmother and her fits.. She will learn to adjust.. Do what YOUR heart tells you.. Good luck..

    Answer by honeys_sugamama at 11:04 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

    Credits: 1 Level 1
    Votes up:0 Votes down:0
  • If you and your husband are okay with it, that's all that matters. Let your grandma know you understand her feelings, but you have to do what you think is in your son's best interest. That you're sorry if she doesn't understand but that's how things are going to be. Then just drop it with her. Don't let her draw you into any arguments about it. Just repeat that you understand how she feels. Remember that your mom was her baby, and even though she's gone it can be hard to forgive someone for hurting your baby(which I'm assuming is how your grandma sees the divorce). I know my mom still hates the boyfriend I had when I was 17 because he made me cry...and that was 22 years ago. LOL!


    Answer by desert_diva at 11:11 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

    Credits: 9774 Level 20
    Votes up:0 Votes down:0
  • I think i you're ok with it and your son wants to, then he should be able to call her Grammy Sue. At least she asked too! If she treats him like her own grandchild, then I think it's ok to call her that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:46 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

    Votes up:0 Votes down:0
  • Well, what about whatever the child is comfortable with? That's what we did. They've got a lot of grandparents, it's easier and less confusing for them. They don't see step-half-or the other titles we see. We just figured if they are family, it's okay. My kids think it's cool to have so many grandparents. We were more concerned that our children were surrounded by people who love them. See what your child calls that person, you never know, it might be really cute! Oh Grammy Sue is cute! It was respectful of her to ask also.

    Answer by Steff107 at 1:09 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

    Credits: 16 Level 3
    Votes up:0 Votes down:0
  • i think granny sue is a wonderful thing to call your step-mom. blood lines don't make a mom (or dad). what makes a mom, is trying you best to guide the child the right way, loving the child unconditionally, and being there for the child when things get rough or go bad. sounds like your step-mom did all of this for you, even though you didn't see it at the time (which, honestly, what child does, even with their bio-parents?)

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 3:51 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

    Credits: 132 Level 6
    Votes up:0 Votes down:0