How do I tell my mother-in-law I don't want her advice?

She is always telling me I need to do this different with OUR daughter and that the house isn't clean enough and a bunch of other things....how do I deal? She made me so mad last night that I went and I cleaned, cleaned, and cleaned somemore!!!!!

Please help me!!!

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Mom192007

Asked by Mom192007 at 12:35 PM on Feb. 10, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (61)
  • Next time she comes over and says your house is dirty, just hand her a broom without saying a word. When she gripes about how you're raising your daughter, ask her if she wants to buy all of your daughters clothes and school supplies, etc., since she thinks SHE'S raising your kid, she must be willing to support her too, right? Maybe she'll get the hint.
    Koukla12905

    Answer by Koukla12905 at 12:53 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

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  • If you had 3 cleans....maybe your house IS dirty. She might be on to something...I'd think about it before dismissing what she has to say....JMO
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:37 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

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  • Just tell her straight up. I had to with mine. Tell her do I come to your house and tell you how to run it? Of course not, so dont come here and tell me how to run mine or how to raise my child. Then leave it at that.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 12:37 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

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  • If your mom is not nuts, then take what she says with a grain of salt and respect and move on.

    If you had to clean that much, maybe she was right?

    My mother and I have had a lot of ups and downs but I know that when she gives me advice - 1) it is usually right even if I don't want to hear it and 2) she means well.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 12:38 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

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  • Your husband needs to say it. He can phrase it in a way that is not attacking at all. If he puts it in the "I", rather than the "you", it usually changes the tone. He can, in a casual conversation, tell her how much he loves you, and how happy he is with you taking care of so many things, the child, the home, etc. If it even escalates, he can tell her that it's his happiness with you that matters, not hers. But overall, it's his duty to do this, not yours.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 12:39 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

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  • Wow I didnt take she cleaned and cleaned as having a dirty house. Mine isnt and I clean like a mad lady when someone pisses me off. I clean things already clean. You guys are mean.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:39 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

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  • laughingDude - I totally read the question as MOTHER not MIL!!!!


    Sorry.


    Still, she may have a point about cleaning.


    But yeah - your DH needs to shake off the apron strings and stand up for you.


     

    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 12:42 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

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  • Ok I understood you cleaned because you were mad-NOT BECAUSE MIL WAS RIGHT. Geesh ladies, a little compassion goes a long way.Anyways the next time she goes on a rant you could say"TY for your input and I will think about that." If she keeps pushin be honest and tell her"I am not sure if you realize this but when you tell me these things, it hurts my feelings and i would appreciate it if we could avoid those topics from now on" she may get upset but you have a right to be honest as long as you are respectful.You get what you give and if she wants respect , she needs to start giving it, or keep her opinions to herself. good luck mom.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 12:42 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

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  • Ahh, the legacy of the overbearing mother in law goes on! I think they all do that. The longer I have been married the easier it get's to smile and nod. She's not so bad anymore. If it get's to where it interferes with your marriage then just speak up and say"I appreciate that you care about your grandaughter so much, but we really need to do this our way." Don't get nasty, it just create tension that doesn't really need to be there. She probably feels like she's helping, maybe help her find another way to feel important and involved in your childs life(not that it's your job, just out of the kindness of your heart.
    Steff107

    Answer by Steff107 at 12:47 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

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  • You can't say it without causing harm. So act as if you are listening, nod politely, thank her, and hug her. Tell her you appreciate her advice. And when she is gone, do as you like. Or, you may actually find that she sometimes has advice you could use. But for those times it isn't good advice, don't rain on her parade. She is feeling good about giving you advice, let her feel good. It won't hurt you once you feel better about your own skills. As soon as you are confident in your own skills, you'll recognize that her suggestions aren't helpful anyway, and they won't bother you so much. YOU know you are a good housekeeper, enjoy that she feels pleasure by advising you.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 1:01 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

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