Would you give your spouse a second chance if they cheated on you?

my sons father.. current boyfriend.. told me he has chlamydia, and started accusing me of cheating on him...i never did not true.. so i went to the doctor and they said i had it too. and the doctor said the only way you can get it is if you have sex with someone who has the disease.. i know i didnt cheat so it must be him hes saying i gave it to him but i didnt cuz i never cheated on him.i think he gave it to me. basically i for sure know by the facts that he cheated on me with someone who had chlamydia. i keep thinking of other ways we coulda got the disease but the doctor said you can only get it from having sex with someone who already has it. he wont admit that he cheated but its kinda obvious. i dont know if i should leave him or stay. have any of u had ur man cheat.. how did u deal..he wont admit it at all.. he keeps saying i did it. i feel like i cant fully believe this until it comes out of his mouth what do i do..


Asked by Anonymous at 3:33 PM on Feb. 19, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed and filed in the CafeMom Encyclopedia.
Answers (27)
  • If he had come clean and told you he cheated, then maybe. But he isn't being honest and he obviously cheated. I would leave and not give any second chances. Cheating and lying are two different things and he did both. That's 2 strikes against him. If he did it once, he will do it again. Who knows what else he is lying about.

    Answer by DDry at 3:35 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

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  • I wouldn't give him another chance unless he can man up and tell you the truth. If he continues to lie to you about it, then that's just an indication that he can and will lie to you about other things in the relationship in the future. It's never ok for someone to blatenly lie to your face and get away with it. Be strong mama...

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:37 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

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  • A second chance might be possible if he was honest about it. He's not being honest. You can keep posting this question, the response won't change. If you did not cheat, he DID!!!! I know a couple that stayed together, they still don't trust each other, really not a good situation at all. Difference is, that couple, dude was HONEST about it. Don't let him play you for a fool honey.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:38 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

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  • here is my opinion-obviously one of you had to cheat bc you caught something. now if you know that you didnt cheat then he must have. you are lucky that this time it was chlamydia and not aids.
    if i were in your shoes i wouldnt put up with it. cheating says to me that he doesnt respect you (especially since he didnt use protection and brought something back to you.)

    Answer by SThompson21 at 3:38 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

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  • You know you didn't do it, so if the doctor says the only way is sex, then he must have. I'd be worried about what he'd bring home next, to be frank. Chlamydia this time, maybe AIDS the next. If he insists he didn't, it is one thing, but for him to insist that you must have, makes me suspicious. If he said ne didn't and he has absolutely no idea, then OK, but to insist that it must be you, then... I don't think he sounds on the up and up. I don't know if counseling would help, but I'd say for your well-being that you should take some action. Not have unprotected sex with him until he can rule out HIV for sure, and that takes several months to show up. Good luck!

    Answer by Bmat at 3:39 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

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  • Totally up to you!

    Is what he is putting you through worth a second chance? Myself, the answer would be really easy.... NO... absolutely not! Your health and safety should be your #1 priority... not his head games, lying and cheating.

    No one can protect you from any kind of harm but you...sexually transmitted diseases aren't worth keeping this guy around... not for me anyways!

    Answer by naturescape at 3:48 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

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  • I am a firm believer in trust! If he can't be honest then he needs to GO. And as PP says Strike 1 is to cheat 2 is to lie about it and 3 is to not use protection 3 strikes you out buddy!

    Answer by heather.darin at 3:49 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

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  • Are you sure that you were clean before you got up with him? I'm being serious because in some woman no symptoms of chlamydia will occur but they will still have it and transmit it.

    But if he really did cheat...I would need him to admit it before I could begin to go on. If this is the first major f*** up he's done....it would depend on how much I felt about him. But I wouldn't go easy on him. He'd have to wrap up to get anywhere near me. But if he never admits it.....just how important is honest to you? Good luck to ya.

    Answer by isabellalecour at 4:17 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

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  • the fact that he is lying to you trying to blame on you. .. & the fact he cheated. . .you deserve better.

    Answer by ColtsFan1912 at 4:21 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

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  • http://www.emedicinehealth.com/chlamydia/page3_em.htm

    No symptoms in 70-80% of cases (One study found that 3% of a sample of young adults 18-35 years had untreated chlamydia.)

    Answer by isabellalecour at 4:22 PM on Feb. 19, 2009

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