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Do you check on your teens to see if they're sexting?

do you go on you child’s myspace, or email, or even their cell phone and check what they are doing? do you feel like you are violating their privacy?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:36 PM on Mar. 27, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed and filed in the CafeMom Encyclopedia.
Answers (43)
  • I don't have a teen but my mom never did that stuff with me and my sister and brother and still does not with my younger sis and bro.

    Answer by thisloveofmine at 10:42 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

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  • My parents monitored everything I did as I teenager. I felt accused of things I wasn't doing and I turned into a HELLION! I spent my entire high school career hooked on meth, running away and being promiscuous.

    HOWEVER.......... My parents were divorced and they (all three) were cops and didn't believe ANYTHING that came out of my mouth. They kind of over stepped the "making sure you're safe" boundaries and they did it behind my back (as it sounds that you're doing). Try creating a more open relationship and let your child know that if they are doing things they think might be "adult behavior" (ie; having sex or drinking) they should open with you about it. Kids will be kids. If there is one thing I wish my parents would have done differently it's this: instead of telling me no to everything and convincing themselves I would listen ('cause I never did), I wish they would have let me tell them so I didn't have to hide.

    Answer by MommyHess at 10:58 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

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  • (cont'd)......an open door policy is always better all around. Face it. Teens are going to get into trouble. But they shouldn't "fear" their parents.. They should feel safe coming to their parents with anything. I wish my mom and dad would have come and picked me up when I got too drunk to come home or they treated me more like an adult when they found out I had lost my virginity instead of trying to swing at me (she missed.. lol.).........

    I'm 21 now so this wasn't too long ago.. I dunno. Disagree if you choose. I just have really strong feelings about holding a teen down.

    Think about when YOU were a teenager. What did you HATE about your parent's parenting?

    Answer by MommyHess at 11:00 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

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  • I don't have to. My kids tell me and show me everything willingly. There is even a girl who doesn't come to my home anymore because she sent my son a picture of her tits. He showed me and told her he did. Now she's too embarrassed to show her face. I trust my kids enough to give them their privacy.

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 11:05 PM on Mar. 27, 2009

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  • I think it is funny that there are teens on CafeMom! I was a teen living at home just 3 years ago, and I hated it when my Mom went through my stuff. However, I still thank her today for doing that for me. What she was doing was being loving and protective. Just like you would watch your young child playing in the house to make sure they aren't eating anything that could be poison or getting into anything that could hurt them, the same should be done with teens. Only this time its not putting knives out of reach or cleaning products in locked cabinets. This time it is checking to make sure they are not getting into trouble online or over their phones. And for the teens on here, if you are worried about your mom going through your stuff and not "respecting" your privacy, then that must mean you have something to hide. Otherwise it wouldn't matter and you would feel comfortable having your mom see it.

    Answer by thehappiestmom at 12:10 AM on Mar. 28, 2009

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  • As far as my 14 year old goes he has given me no reason to worry yet...he is still a goofy kiddo, he plays WOW and spends time with his puppy dog. I had him at 16 and he is very strong willed that he will Graduate, and he makes A plus' in the Advanced Placement classes....So no I dont really check for anything like that. The few times I have asked for his phone or got on his computer there was NOTHING, so for now I have no worries but my 10 year old will prolly be a different story......Hell I dont know

    Answer by CookieMama at 12:54 AM on Mar. 28, 2009

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  • I have a 17yo son who has a gf and they don't text each other and I have an 18yo son who doesn't have a girlfriend who pays his own cell phone bill so I have no right to check his cell phone or his text messages. Prior to his turning 18, though, no I didn't check my son's text messages and I don't check my 17yo's. I don't check their MySpace's, FaceBook's or emails either. I kn ow my sons, I know who they are with and there they are when they are out and we have an open line of communication. We also don't search their rooms. Teens who receive trust and respect value it and don't do things to lose it. Teens who receive accusations eventually do what they are accused of. My older 2 rec'd the same trust and respect and valued it.


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:06 AM on Mar. 28, 2009

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  • I agree with goaliemom93 - a watchful eye but I don't invade privacy. I do try to remind my kids that I can look when I want - they need to make a diffence between being embarassed 'cause they don't want us to know and being ashamed cause it's wrong! If it's wrong, just don't do it!

    But listen folks... the problem isn't THEIR cell or THEIR pc - pictures can be taken anywhere, any time, by anyone, posted, shared, commented by OTHERS. So if you think you are saving your kids by watching over their shoulder while on the PC, you are so wrong! Educate them to behave at all times - school (yes, lots of photos on blogs are taken at school!), friends, parties, etc. I don't think a parent can really (physically) prevent a teen from all that stuff - I'd favor educating them, asking them to imagine what happens if someone is in a sexy photo or message and it gets circulated. You never know how is taking a picture of you!!!!

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 10:35 AM on Mar. 28, 2009

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  • Privacy for a 13 yr old? Not in my house. I have the passwords to his email and MySpace and I check both regularly. I also check his cell phone,which I pay for and is under my name. He has privavcy for other things but he can have total privacy when he is out of my house. My son knows I am checking up and he has no problem with that, then again he does tell me when he gets inapppropiate things on the computer. I want to make sure no one is doing anything to my kid, it is for safety not any other reason.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:36 AM on Mar. 28, 2009

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  • I have all passwords for my kids sites, I can even check thier text messages at anytime. However that doesn't mean that I do, I have checked things but it isn't something I do normally. I check thier text..usually if I am bored and the phone is sitting out next to me. I am lucky in that my kids tell me everything.....show me everything (and I assure you there are some things I wished I hadn't :) ) But it is because of the level of trust I have built up with them, I am mom and friend, we can be both.

    It is a fine line of allowing them some privacy and making sure they are making wise choices and being safe. Too much of either way is no good, it will either cause them to not trust you or walk all over you. Thier has to be a middle ground, that both sides are comfortable with, how to get thier is up to each family.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 11:25 AM on Mar. 28, 2009

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