How do I talk to my teen son about sex?

I am a single mom and i have a 14 yr old son that wont open up and talk at all!!! he has no father figure in his life so i am both mom/dad. i know hes curious about sex and i dont know how to go about talking to him about it. especially seeing as conversations between us are usually at most.. yes, no, nothing or get out. i know the basic general stuff like protection and its normal to explore your body but, i know boys think and have diff feeling then girls. so how do i ans question if he"asks" something only boys do/fell, etc??? please help


Asked by stepn2myoffyce at 3:34 AM on Apr. 13, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (13)
  • I just watched a episode of Oprah about this "Talking to your teens" First you need to be comfortable about your sexuality. Second, google "talking to teens about sex". At this age (im 21) at this you need to tell him how everything works and hopfully he knows...penis here vagina does this blah blah...then tell him about getting prego, about diseases, then after all that is understood tell him about self pleasure will be hard I know but you want to because it will be better for him to take care of himself rather then trying to find a girl to have sex with. Also teach him that a man and a women are special and to only do it with special girls to him. GL mommy

    Answer by Bugsmommy1908 at 4:04 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

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  • Just start talking to him. Go for a drive (he is stuck in the car and has to listen.) Then start off bay asking him what he knows and if he has any questions. Tell him your expectations for his behavior and how to treat a girl/women. Make sure he understands that it isn't ok to make a girl have sex, either forceably or by manipulation. (I won't go out with you unless you put out.) Teach him that respect sometimes means just not doing what he wants to do. And teach him that girls nowdays are manipulatative and can/will try to get pregnant on purpose.
    JUST START TALKING. Remember, he needs to know he can come to you to ask. Also don't forget the really embarrassing stuff like wet dreams, unusual feelings ect.

    Answer by SusieD250 at 4:14 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

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  • I have 2 boys and am divorced, so I understand where you're coming from. My ex isn't around, so I'll be giving the sex talks. My kids are only 8 & 5, so I'm not yet where you are, but one thing I think you could do here that I already use is: Don't be afraid to tell him you don't know something. If he asks you a specific question, perhaps about boys feelings/thoughts, and you really don't know, say so. Tell him you'll have to find out. That will give you the chance then to research instead of making something up, and it will show him that you are serious about helping him understand his body, sex, and how it all works. Also, do you have a father/brother/really good friend that might be willing to either answer questions for you, or talk to your son on your behalf? I wouldn't have them do the whole talk, but maybe just to cover anything that might be really awkward, or to reinforce and cover things you might not know. Good luck

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:28 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

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  • Maybe you can try to talk indirectly - ask him if his friends talk about sex? any had it? do they talk about using condoms? etc. You might be able to rope him in to answering questions, and you can comment about your point of view/expections relative to him.

    Another thought might be a doctor - at least to ensure he has the facts. On his next check up, you might be able to explain to the dr. before hand,and the let him go in by himself.

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 6:53 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

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  • also, he already knows a great deal most likely by this age. i never had a "talk" with my mom and i dont remember exactly what age i did know, but 14 is probably about where i did. i was in high school. he may not know everything you want him to know, but you definately need to be talking to him about what he does know and protection and all that. there were kids who got pregnant when i was in middle school and now one my SD's best friend's mom is a girl who got pregnant when we were sophomores. so even if you dont' know exactly what to say, find out what he knows. if he has questions you can't answer, tell him that you both can look them up - or that you will find out. he has probably learned some stuff from health class too.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 9:23 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

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  • If hes in public school, by age 14, its likely he knows a lot more than you think. Theres probably some things hes misinformed about as well. Either just put him in the car and start talking or find a trusted male friend. Guys are much more comfortable talking to other guys about these things. Also the doctor was a good suggestion by the previous poster as well. He might have some questions about his body that his doc can answer. If he just wont talk to you, then I would find a male to help you out. Its SO important that he be correctly informed. I have a 14 yr old daughter and she knows things that I didnt know until I was an adult....highschoolers are much further along than we were at that age. I commend you for seeing the need to talk to him. Good job mom.

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:02 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

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  • Like what bugsmommy said about that Oprah show, I watched it myself as well...I'll need to have the talk with my daughter soon as well. Go to the Oprah website, on the bottom of the home page she has a thing where you can download a very helpful hand book and it has a lot of good information as well. Good luck momma! I have to do the talk 4 times...I have 4 girls...

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:16 AM on Apr. 13, 2009

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  • I'm thinking maybe you should have started way sooner, but, you should just sit him down and just get to talking. I am a single mom to a 13yo boy and there isn't really a male in his life either. I started really talking when he was 11. There was a show about sex that happened to come on tv before I realized it so I took the opportunity to just go for it and let it all out. I also tell him to treat it like the girls are being interviewed for a job. If he wouldn't hire them to work for him then they shouldn't be allowed to be his girlfriend. And get any priviliges. Imagine all girls as potential wives. If he wouldn't want to be married forever to them, then they can't have wife priviliges. I also informed him that he can be a non virgin like everyone else instantly, but, they can never be a virgin like him. He should be proud. He is almost in a club by himself nowadays.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 12:01 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

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  • If it is too awkward leave a book or article or two with the facts in his room when you know he will have no frieds over and where you know he will notice it. I know he will read it. That is what my friends and I recieved from our parents and it was helpful to read it over as much as we needed to and see pictures and diagrams in a book.

    It helps.

    Answer by amber710 at 3:27 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

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  • I am thinking he knows more than you think. He has had a few years of health class under his belt and the older they get the more detailed it gets. My son started his classes in 4th grade. If you can, find a positive male role model for him. A brother, uncle, cousin, family friend that would be willing to talk to him, it really helps. I am also a single mom of a boy and it's sometimes hard to deal with and get him to talk. We have had open communication from a young age and he knows he can come to me with anything. I am honest too. He knows what I want him to do but I am realistic enough to know he may not listen. Good luck!!

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 6:13 PM on Apr. 13, 2009

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