Do you set dating rules for your teen?

My daughter just turned 16 on 4/9 and has met a very respectful young man, I wanted advice from other moms of young teens. My daughter is very mature, and this is her first boyfriend.
Thank you ;p)

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Futuregirlzone

Asked by Futuregirlzone at 12:59 PM on Apr. 14, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (11)
  • If she's mature and respectful, you had a hand in making that happen. Chances are you have a decent relationship with her and can work together to set rules and boundaries. She needs to tell you where she's going, who she's with and when she'll be back. After all, haven't you told her the same, even when she was 5 or 6 & you hired a sitter? She needs to have an 'emergency question' - one that if she calls and asks it secretely means, I need a ride home RIGHT NOW. (the school police liason suggested "How's the cat? Is she still sick?) And most importantly, you need to continue to build your relationship with her. If this boy, or anyone else EVER encourages her to separate emotionally or physically from her family, he's bad news. If she understands that & agrees up front, then you work out where they can go, what time curfew is, and all the other rules as they arise based on mutual respect & trust.
    cutiemoose

    Answer by cutiemoose at 12:19 PM on Apr. 15, 2009

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  • I'm not a mom of a young teen, but I am a teen...I think that a 16 year old should have a curfew and the parents should stick to it..about 1030 or 11 of the weekends. Never be allowed to be home alone with him and try goup dates first. Be open with her and let her know she can talk to you about anything..including sex..you might even bring it up to her and ask her if she has any questions.
    sarapurser

    Answer by sarapurser at 1:02 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

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  • This was me exactly. My husband was/is very respectable, mature, just not your typical 17 yr old (almost 18) when I started dating him at 16. I had a cerfew of 1030 weekdays 11 weekends (as pp said) We were allowed to go alone on dates. And eventually allowed to be home alone. (But not right away and never for long.)I want you to know, no matter how old how mature how many rules they will have sex if they want too. My mom is a pastor so I couldn't talk to her about sex. What I did, I did on my own I made my own decisions. I wish she was there to talk to but I knew if I told her I was having sex (after 2 months of dating) she would be upset and not let me date him anymore. No matter what YOUR beliefs are PLEASE talk to her about sex and birth control. I got pregnant a year n half later. We're happily married now :) and have an adorable 13 month old I wouldn't change it.
    amy31308

    Answer by amy31308 at 1:11 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

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  • I actually cant believe he is her first boyfriend. Most teens date much earlier.
    She is legal age and in most states only a year away from being legal to move out.
    I am not sure of the laws in your state but in my state she is also legal age of consent.

    You asking this question about restrictions seems to conflict with your claim that she is mature and he is respectful. At this age it is both unneccessary and unappreciated for you to try to control who she spends her time with. Especially since she probably knows she has earned your respect, she would most likely be offended by you trying to control her relationship choices. You are so lucky she chose a nice boy. Talk to her about how you feel and how to be safe in dating. It would be a good idea to tell her about your dating as a teen and maybe your own mistakes she could avoid.
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 3:10 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

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  • i make sure that my kids don't stay with just one person but date more then one person. although i only allow group dates or they can join us when we go to an event. like a concert or movie or picnic. they still keep there some rules of curfew and they still must be doing their chores and coming home straight from school. if their grades start to fail or they are being consumed with them i would make them break up. we must of approve of the person as well. although i have these rules in place so far my oldest son has not dated anyone and has maintained good friendships with girls. i hope that he doesn't date until he gets back from his mission although i think he should date a bit before hand but he is shy and might feel a little awkward about himself.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 3:57 PM on Apr. 14, 2009

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  • I don't have a daughter so my answer may be different if I did. However I do have a 17 year old son (well he'll be 17 tomorrow). When he got his license at 16 he was allowed to take his girlfriend on dates. He HAD to be home by 11:00pm - that's the law in Florida. A 16 year old can't be driving between the hours of 11pm and 6am. So I had the law on my side....loved not being the bad guy...lol But I had to know where they were going, and what they planned on doing. Now that he's 17, no matter if it's a date or not, he has to be home by midnight (I think the law says 1am).
    Make sure you keep the communication open between you two and reassure her that she can talk to you. One thing I told my son was if he ever got into a situation and couldn't get home, to call me and his dad. I don't want my son drinking but I also want him to know if he ends up drinking (or is with someone that is) , he needs to call for a ride
    BrendaMomOf3

    Answer by BrendaMomOf3 at 1:54 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

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  • I would want him to spend a lot of time at my house before they actually start going places without supervision. Even though she is quite mature, she has not yet been tested in the area of sexualtiy. The more involved you are as her family, the more protection from the hurts of sexual activity you will give her. Sexual activity clouds the mind and the emotions and inhibits young women from seeing the true character of young men. We are all able to hide certain things about ourselves for a period of time, but eventually the real us will show its ugly self. I would want lots of time for her to learn if this young man really is as respectful as he appears to be. All this has to be presented as a part of parental responsibility and protection. You do not want to give the impression that you do not trust either of them, but you do want them to have time for them to get to know each other on a deeper level than attraction.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:10 AM on Apr. 15, 2009

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  • personally, i have never had dating rules or anything only because my parents knew i'd do whatever i wanted anyway so they didnt waste their time giving me or any of my brothers any type of rules.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:52 PM on Apr. 25, 2009

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  • My answer to this question is as long as you have an open relationship where your daughter knows she's able to come to you and discuss anything everything will be o.k. Don't leave out anything that will make her understand the severity of having sex before marriage. Then if it turns out the way any parent would not want it to , and your daughter does start having sex, be her mother and don't stop talking to her about how important her body should be to God first and then to herself. Keep praying
    domiano124

    Answer by domiano124 at 1:11 PM on Aug. 22, 2009

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  • Hey,
    She shouldnt be home alone-but i think she deserves some trust. If you make a big deal about dates and going out and things like that, you will make her feel that you dont trust her, and she wont catch on that its the boy you dont trust, not her. Sit her down, but if shes anything like my teen, she will listen for under 5 mins and then get frustrated. So get whant you want out in small chunks and as quick as you can. So, give her a little trust, and im sure she'll be good
    Ellie_Louise

    Answer by Ellie_Louise at 1:01 PM on Sep. 18, 2009

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