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Why does my husband have a low sex drive?

We only have sex maybe once a month. I used to have a really high sex drive but he never has. The majority of his past relationships failed because of the lack of sex, there's nothing wrong physically he just doesn't need it as often as some others. I'm 20 and he's 35 and the age difference isn't the problem. We have only been married for 2 years and neither of us are very adventurous people. We've never used toys or anything like that. I recently admitted that i have a fantacy of being with another woman, he even said he's fine with it as long as he's involved. We both believe anysex act not including the spouse could harm the relationship. I was wondering if I'm having these fantacies because of the lack of sex we have and if anyone has any natural boosters for the sex drive?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:23 PM on Aug. 9, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed and filed in the CafeMom Encyclopedia.
Answers (10)
  • i dont believe it is because i have the same fantasy and he says the same thing as your husband about being involved and we both have high sex drives there is nothing wrong with having a fantasy!!!!!! try toys it really helps and it makes you more confident i believe it is something you both would injoy. at first it will feel weird that you are doing it but then it gets interesting and not to mention it will make him more ready than he has ever been!!!!
    lilmamaof2girls

    Answer by lilmamaof2girls at 7:49 PM on Aug. 9, 2008

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  • It's possible that you're having these feelings b/c of his lack of attention towards you. You shouldn't have to share yourself to be fulfilled and the interesting thing is...he's not willing to give you more of what you want, but he wants to take part in something you're wanting to do, due to his unfulfilling role with you. That makes no sense to me and honestly, I wouldn't let him take part in it. Why should he have a piece of your cake, when he never brings you anything sweet himself. I don't think you should share yourself with anyone else. I think your husband should step up and please his wife.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:43 PM on Aug. 9, 2008

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  • I'm not a doctor and have not tested it on a guy but was reading about an over the counter supplement called Ashwagandha. The article I read said that it was given to men for help in that area. I can't vouch for it personally. You could research it some more to see what you think.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:50 PM on Aug. 9, 2008

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  • What a selfish husband you have. And if you think having him out of the circle may cause marital problems, think again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on Aug. 9, 2008

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  • I don't believe my husband is selfish b/c he wants to be involved, he just doesn't want to be left out. (As well as it being every man's fantacy) The thing is, i can't exactly put all the blame on him for the lack of sex. if I started it he would do it for me but I've sort of gotten to the point that I don't go after it b/c I'll never know if it's b/c he wants me or just wants to please me. IDK
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:39 PM on Aug. 9, 2008

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  • I have the same fantasies and I have a active and healthy sexual relationship with my SO of 3+yrs. He's ok with it as well and agrees that without one of us present, it could hurt our relationship. The hard part is living in this small town and not having everyone knowing our business and finding a woman we both like, we both trust (on bc no stds), and wouldn't start any drama within our relationship. Does he like to watch porn? I think it's almost abnormal for a guy not to want to watch porn, maybe go shopping with him and buy some porn. Find what really turns him on if it isn't really porn.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:08 PM on Aug. 9, 2008

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  • Try counseling before trying a woman. Sounds like he has deeper issues. It's not normal for a 35-year-old to have such a low drive. Funny how he'll jump at the chance to do it with two women (you and another), yet not very interested when it comes to having sex with only you. Hmmmm...

    Good luck. :)
    ...Ruth...

    Answer by ...Ruth... at 11:36 PM on Aug. 9, 2008

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  • PS... porn isn't the answer...it will become and even greater barrier to intimacy between you and your husband.

    A question...is your sexual relationship more sexual than intimate? If so, read up on how to create more intimacy in your relationship. It could make a huge difference in you sex life.

    ...Ruth...

    Answer by ...Ruth... at 11:40 PM on Aug. 9, 2008

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  • A very wise person told me recently that there are 3 parts of intimacy in marriage:
    1) Emotional
    2) Spiritual
    3) Physical
    When the first two are balanced and thriving, the 3rd comes naturally. Granted, sex drives vary, but I would suggest finding ways to be more emotionally and spiritually intimate with your dh. I would also look into books about the different "love languages." You are a very giving and unselfish wife to be looking for other ways to please him. You deserve a satisfying intimate life. It'll get better! (and I agree completely that porn isn't the answer.)
    CheerfulAtHome

    Answer by CheerfulAtHome at 1:42 AM on Aug. 10, 2008

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    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:58 AM on Aug. 11, 2008

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