Is it OK to get engaged before the divorce is final?

My stbx husband cheated on me during our marriage. We've been separated for almost three years. Several months ago I met a wonderful man who is the complete opposite of my husband. He asked me to marry him, and I said yes. When my stbx found out I was seeing someone, he filed for divorce. My fiance' has bought the ring, but I can't wear it, or tell anyone, because I'm technically still married.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:12 AM on Aug. 19, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed and filed in the CafeMom Encyclopedia.
Answers (12)
  • WAIT WAIT WAIT!!! Even though you are seperated for a while, you don't want him to pull the infedility issue in court, since technically you are still legally married. You could lose your portion of what is rightfully yours. Be careful, let your new man know that you love him, but you will have to wait to show off the bling.
    Mrs.Phillips007

    Answer by Mrs.Phillips007 at 3:52 PM on Aug. 19, 2008

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  • You've got to use your own moral compass on that one. Personally, I would have never dated knowing I was still married (even if separated for so long). This will probably turn into a bigger mess then you think it will... especially w/kids involved. Sorry.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:17 AM on Aug. 19, 2008

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  • Mmm...gosh, I really don't want to hurt your feelings, because it is pretty obvious your almost ex was a jacka$$, but I'd wait until the divorce was final. Even though you've been separated for three years, legally the deed still isn't done, so I'd wait. It won't be long. Good luck and much happiness to you and your future husband!! Congratulations!!
    LeighAnne3

    Answer by LeighAnne3 at 6:54 AM on Aug. 19, 2008

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  • I think if you've been separated for 3 years you shouldgo for it. I wouldn't feel bad at all about dating while you're separated.  That's one of the reasons people separate before divorce.  I know several couples who separated and dated other people and realized the grass wasn't greener on the other side and got back together. 


    Honestly you said yes so you are engaged.  The question is really should you keep it a secret.  I'm not a big fan of secrets.  I think you should tell your kids your plans as far in advance as possible because having a step dad will be an adjustmentfor them.  A long engagement will give your kids tome to get used to the idea and let you develop your relationship farther since you've only been dating a few months.

    MAUREEN55

    Answer by MAUREEN55 at 7:14 AM on Aug. 19, 2008

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  • Imo it is just fine. As long as you know in your heart it is over between you and your ex. You should have got the dibvorce final b4 now but everyone makes mistakes I would do whatever you feel is right, the man who proposed knows you are still technicly married right??? As long as he knows I wouldnt worry about it. I would wear the ring even if I wanted too. Good Luck with everything ( :
    MommyMel03

    Answer by MommyMel03 at 7:24 AM on Aug. 19, 2008

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  • Are you kidding me!!! Put that ring on and let it shine! Your engaged...YOUR ENGAGED!!!! I wouldn't think twice about slapping that sparkly think to my left finger. If been 3 years not 3 months right? So you should have a party. How is you b/f taking this? Poor guy! Now go put on the ring call all you best friend and scream about how happy he is and how in-love you are. Forget the ex and who cares what he think. Your divorceing him anyway. Let me say CONGRAT'S.
    ihearvoices

    Answer by ihearvoices at 8:09 AM on Aug. 19, 2008

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  • Not sure why you didn't get a legal separation. After two years you can just go finalize the dissolution but that's water under the bridge now. I think most ppl you have been around in the past 3 yrs see you as a single woman so there may not be a problem. I was engaged to a man once and when my sister announced the engagement at a cousin's baby shower my aunt spoke up and asked if he was going to get a divorce first? I was mortified. I had no idea he was legally married to someone else. So if there are no secrets that might come up and smack you in the face and embarrass you like that then go for it. As long as you don't marry him before the divorce is final I don't see a problem with merely telling the world of your future intentions.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:38 AM on Aug. 19, 2008

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  • Laughing at myself here..it must be early..when I first read your post I glanced quickly through it and thought you had misspelled SIXTH..when what you really wrote was STBX for soon to be ex..whew..was fixing to tell you maybe marriage wasn't your forte. LOL. Anyway..if kids are involved tread very softly. Otherwise..three yrs is three years. Move forward not back.

    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:53 AM on Aug. 19, 2008

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  • While in my eyes, morally, you are doing nothing wrong, it may hurt your case when it comes time for the divorce.
    ellaura

    Answer by ellaura at 9:37 AM on Aug. 19, 2008

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  • I was still legally married when my dh now asked me. I had filed for divorce from my first husband. I wore the ring and everything, but I only told my mom and dad that I was engaged. When the divorce papers where signed I told everyone.
    palexander

    Answer by palexander at 12:23 PM on Aug. 19, 2008

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