Whose last name should the baby have if I'm not married to my partner?

I am not married to my partner, and we are having a child. He recently told me the baby would receive his last name after being born. I'm not partial to either name, his or mine. But I'd like to know what other women in my situation have done. Its aggrivating to think it's his "right" to pass his name on, we don't live in the 20's anymore. But I can see he wants the pride.


Asked by OopsieDaizy at 10:25 AM on Aug. 20, 2008 in Baby Names

0 Level 1
This question is closed and filed in the CafeMom Encyclopedia.
Answers (29)
  • Are you going to mary him or stay w/ him? If you aren't I grew up w/ a friend where each of his sibblings had diffrent last names. People judged his mother harshly and he was teased terribly. There is a reason it is called a family name.

    Answer by h3art2h0m3 at 10:30 AM on Aug. 20, 2008

    Credits: 10 Level 2
    Votes up:0 Votes down:0
  • when i had my son i gave him my bf's (his dad) last name. i wish i hadn't. if i could go back i would give him both of our last names... after all, he's not just his child.

    Answer by lmybo at 10:31 AM on Aug. 20, 2008

    Credits: 1 Level 1
    Votes up:0 Votes down:0
  • (I like your screen name) I was in the same situation. I gave our daughter his last name. Part of that was because I hate my last name and its difficult to pronounce for most people and his was easy. If you plan on getting married I would just give the baby his last name. If you never plan on getting married .....Toss a coin lol. You have to realize though that if you do not put his last name for the baby it will be easier for him to back out if he decides he doesnt want to be a dad. (At least this is the case in Colorado) I would make sure you're not going to be screwed over if he leaves. If giving the baby his last name will make him just a little more proud of his bundle of joy...make him happy and just do it:) (I would never think twice about giving my kids my last name lol)

    Answer by LovinEveryDay at 10:33 AM on Aug. 20, 2008

    Credits: 3 Level 1
    Votes up:0 Votes down:0
  • What about hyphenating (his name then yours), that way if you don't stay together, the baby will still have your last name but will also have his/her's father's identity. And if you do get married, you can always drop the hypen at a later time.

    Answer by momlovestorock at 10:33 AM on Aug. 20, 2008

    Credits: 0 Level 1
    Votes up:0 Votes down:0
  • My son has my name, but I did not plan on staying with my ex and is also not named on the birth certificate. My friend's girl has her husband's last name, but they got married a few years after she was born. It's really up to you. You could give him 2 last names as his legal name, but if something happens and you 2 are no longer together, the baby could go by just your last name with both as his legal name. Or if you stay together, or even get married later on, you by SO's last name but have both as his legal name.

    Answer by Crystal1124 at 10:34 AM on Aug. 20, 2008

    Credits: 578 Level 11
    Votes up:0 Votes down:0
  • I am in the same situation. My partner and I are unmarried, don't plan on getting married and we're both okay with that. Our son has his last name and I'm fine with that. It's all about carrying on the line. (his first son carrying his name and whatnot). Do what feels right, but don't get caught up in something that's not at issue.

    Good luck!

    Answer by thirdwhirld at 10:34 AM on Aug. 20, 2008

    Credits: 0 Level 1
    Votes up:0 Votes down:0
  • I would go with your last name, if you don't plan to marry him. And if you do get married you can change it later. I look at it like this...when and if you have another child- everyone will have different last names. I would give the baby my last name. It shouldn't make it harder to get child support. Pretend like you are getting ready to fill out lots of info. about your child...medical records, school registration and so on. And you are filling in your name, the dads name and your baby's...what last name do you feel most comfortable writing next to his name? Its your decision...I just wouldn't want all my children to have different last names...if you guys don't marry or if you decide to have more children. Hard one!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:06 AM on Aug. 20, 2008

    Votes up:0 Votes down:0
  • I gave my second son - when I was unmarried his father's last name. When the relationship dissolved that was one thing I did not have to prove in court - he had accepted paternity by giving him his last name.

    Answer by Myboysmom08 at 11:08 AM on Aug. 20, 2008

    Credits: 203 Level 7
    Votes up:0 Votes down:0
  • I think if you guys are planning on having a family together, or you guys have talked about getting married one day, or he is going to be a very involved father then the baby should get his name. If you are going to be single mom and you doubt there is a future with this man, and maybe you think he might not be very invoved in the childs life later down the road then you should def give the baby your name, in the future if you have kids with someone else then you will want them all to have the same last name. I think you should just think hard about the choice, it is YOUR choice though. Good Luck with your pregnancy and delivery.

    Answer by MommyMel03 at 11:12 AM on Aug. 20, 2008

    Credits: 0 Level 1
    Votes up:0 Votes down:0
  • I gave my son my bfs last name. So that he would know, and his family would know that That is his son. I also thought we would get married, but im still waiting for that day. I would say give you baby his last name, unless you plan to have other children by other men.

    Answer by pregojen at 11:16 AM on Aug. 20, 2008

    Credits: 5 Level 2
    Votes up:0 Votes down:0