What do you do with a child who refuses to behave?

I have tried time out, spanking, taking things away, throwing things away. You name it I may have tried it. I even tried a reward box when he does well. I am at my wits end. I am so frustrated I am ready to turn him over to the state to deal with. Why not, he keeps going the direction he is going he will be in their custody anyways.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:08 PM on Aug. 24, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

This question is closed and filed in the CafeMom Encyclopedia.
Answers (11)
  • When you find out let me know. we having the same problem with my grandchild. He set the house on fire yesterday.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:29 PM on Aug. 24, 2008

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  • How old is he? You think some deep rooted issue may be causing the behaviours? Maybe take him to a child psych or behaviour therapist if you haven't tried that already.
    marsha78

    Answer by marsha78 at 10:40 PM on Aug. 24, 2008

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  • Is there some kind of emotional issues? If you're sticking to one or two techniques (maybe time outs and a reward system), I would then think you should be successful, if doing consistantly. I'd maybe try to look into some kind of professional help if nothing is working... Does he do well in a school situation?
    JJzMaMa87

    Answer by JJzMaMa87 at 11:20 PM on Aug. 24, 2008

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  • take him to a behavioral therapist and have him tested for ADD/ADHD. my son had similar problems and we sought professional help and learned quite a bit abotu reasoning with him and sticking to our guns no matter what. one of the big things i learned was that when my son gets a time out then so do i. i stop what ever task it was i was doing and sit across from him for however lon gthe time out is for (one minute for how old they are with the time starting over if they misbehave in time out). there are still rough days when i feel like i want to rip my hair out and just walk away but he wins if i do that so i learned how not to let him feed off of my negative reactions.
    rismommabear

    Answer by rismommabear at 11:49 PM on Aug. 24, 2008

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  • do u constantly scream at him when your telling him to stop?
    i use to have the same problem and i was a screamer and a spanker too, so i didnt want to be that "mom" everytime he would act up ied remind myself he is a child and im an adult "monky see monkey do" if you scream and pout so will he in his own way, i know how fustrating it can be when you put him in time out and he crys for what seem hours BUT you need to sit with him and let him know how it makes YOU feel when he oes this [if he is old eough to understand] cry so he can see your hurting when u put him i time out jam up your favorite song so his crying wont increase your anger he will calm down or try changing the scence and give him some attention thats what it all comes down to play with him sit on the floor and just watch him play ect. god bless don give him away you will end up regreting it
    eternaldeamer

    Answer by eternaldeamer at 1:09 AM on Aug. 25, 2008

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  • i have learned after yrs of screaming,crying myself is that children WANT/NEED attention be it negitive or positve they crave it! i have learned that if i get down on my childs level & LISTEN to what she is REALLY saying things go smoother for us
    it goes back to the book
    TREAT PPL THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED, our children are ppl there just small
    include him in your daily life be it doing dishes or whatever your doing make games out of it anything be funny i see this so much
    we can be in the store with our children & be ready to scream but you let someone we know come up to us & see how we treat their child ~
    he wants your time & love he can't be that bad
    tntornado45

    Answer by tntornado45 at 10:46 AM on Aug. 25, 2008

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  • Talk with your childs pediatrician. They can help you in finding help for your child. Sometimes there may be a behavioral issue, sometimes there may be an underlying undiagnosed medical issue or both. Your child's pediatrician should be able to give you the names of some child behavior specialists, clinicians, or whatever help /assessments your child may need. Getting the right help is really a blessing. It takes time to find the right help.... and it usually isn't in the first couple contacts you make, or what you expect, but it is so worth it when you do put the effort in and get the help you and your child need to find out what is going on in his mind. Please make the call. Find the path.... you are your child's only advocate, please walk with him....
    bupkie

    Answer by bupkie at 10:20 PM on Aug. 25, 2008

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  • Someone posted something about a book called "Parenting for dummies" she said it really helped...maybe it will help you too...I think I might check it out...LOL...my son is a handful too!
    rbuss78

    Answer by rbuss78 at 1:10 AM on Aug. 27, 2008

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  • chic i feel you totally .i get no respect from my boy hes 8 and tells me no lives and eats like apig when i say pig i mean with hands makes a big fuss bout washing hands wnt clean up after himself LAZZZZZZY . flunke 2nd grade and dont care he just dnt care hewines cries lud help me what do i do? I LOVE HIM TOTALLY NO MATTER WHAT HIS ISSUE ARE ! iI fell ive failed some where with him so please you are anyone who reads this pease help me!!
    housewife847

    Answer by housewife847 at 9:53 PM on Jul. 27, 2009

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  • Does dad help with raising him? it is sooo important that a man figure is there for your son to look up to especailly since he is entering into the unknown world all by his lonely with no one to guide him. That is where a strong man or at least what you want him to become be his role model. Yes there are going to be tantrums and as we as moms think we can handle it all, but we really cant when it comes to raising our sons. We need to have a good role model so that he knows the ways of how to really act and behave not just at home, but with other people too. It is tough for a boy to do that all by himself at eight! Stop yelling and screaming and change the way your doing things. Tell your son the truth instead of hiding it. Be there to support him as he changes quickly into man hood. Tell him you care, but teach him law of responsibility and reaping it right. But do it with love and be firm. Get the book, Boundaries with Kids
    Sarephina

    Answer by Sarephina at 12:50 AM on Aug. 12, 2010

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