How do I get my 16-year-old to do chores and be responsible?

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lil_Show

Asked by lil_Show at 8:28 PM on Sep. 13, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (13)
  • I think attitude comes with the package :) Especially in those teenage years. Granted mine are only 6 and 7; but I do have friends that have teenagers. As far as chores; I think it's just a matter of laying down the law so to speak and making it clear that xyz need to be done before she can do abc. Say it and mean it!!
    SAHMinIL

    Answer by SAHMinIL at 8:44 PM on Sep. 13, 2008

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  • You get her to do chores for privledges. Like, driving the car, or getting her liscense. Or let her see friends or have them over. YOu can take away the phone or internet. Basically at 16 it is a battle of wills. She is old enough to know she can wait you out, and that you will just give up if she waits long enough or is nasty enough. There has to be a set list of rules she needs to follow with specific punishments if she dosnt. You really have to stick to your guns, and wait out the "I hate you" type of things she will say in order to get her way. Good luck to you.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 9:32 PM on Sep. 13, 2008

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  • ignore bad behavior, praise good behavior just like you would a younger child
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:17 AM on Sep. 14, 2008

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  • Hmmm...coming from a 19 year old, I would look her square in the eye and just say, "Look, kiddo. While I understand you're an angsty teenager, you need to cut the attitude. You hurt my feelings." Next, lay down the law. You do your chores you don't get this or this. Like your friends? Like the telephone? Then wash the darn dishes. Also, it does help to befriend them a little. Try and show interest in something, talk to her as friends, go out to lunch with her. Form a friendship-type relationship and I think she may be more willing to help you. Now, I don't mean "be her friend instead of her mother". She does, and will, need a mother. But I think you should be her friend in the sense of her having someone to talk to.
    madelyns_momma

    Answer by madelyns_momma at 2:39 AM on Sep. 14, 2008

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  • Thanks everyone for the advice, i've tried everything you've mentioned, especially the one that she does everything and we go out one on one....well, everything is pocketbook based w/ most kids and our financial situation has hit zero, so she gets pissy, i don't blam her, its not her fault, but its the looks i hate getting, her 6 yr old loves her chore chart, i give her a HUGE sticker at the end of the week and we have all her chore papers in a 3 ring binder, maybe i should've done that way back when.
    i'll try to be more positive this week and see where that get me and report back
    thanks ladies !!!
    lil_Show

    Answer by lil_Show at 2:55 AM on Sep. 14, 2008

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  • First I would notice what she does do, no matter how little and let her know you noticed it...."Thanks for putting your plate in the sink, that helps me out so much"

    I would also let her know that there are things she does just because she is part of the family...if you desire her to keep her room clean I would simply say "Feel free to keep anything that is not on your floor within the next 30 mintues" 30 mintues later come back with a trash bag and clean it yourself and get rid of all that was on the floor.

    I wouldn't worry much about her laundry either. Show her how to use the washer and dryer and let her know if she wants to wear clean clothes she can handle it herself.

    I don't think you are going to get around the attitude, no big deal, she 16 and has an attitude. As long as she is not being disrespectful of others and isn't effecting anyone else in the universe, let her have an attitude.
    mom2queenie2004

    Answer by mom2queenie2004 at 6:01 AM on Sep. 14, 2008

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  • Here is a good system about kids and chores

    it's a podcast http://www.blogtalkradio.com/families/2008/06/27/Remedy-for-Chore-Time-Chaos
    rockgjmom

    Answer by rockgjmom at 11:45 PM on Sep. 14, 2008

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  • First, provide your child with a reward or incentive for their work. If they do a good job, they can do things, such as either going out with their peers or increase their allowance. Second, check out this incredible website called Nogginpower2. I went onto Nogginpower2 myself, and I discovered many of the wonderful readings on this website, such as GETTING GREAT GARDES, MAKING NEW FRIENDS and GETTING BETTER QUALITY SLEEP. I hope this helps. Thank you and have a great day.
    paulacolls19715

    Answer by paulacolls19715 at 12:24 PM on Sep. 15, 2008

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  • Of course you don't need to hear "You should have started that years ago..." There are a few things you can do you are not too late. I have a 17 year old who still does chores, cook ,occcasionally babysit. You have to have a family discussion about family chores and stick with it.  One day she is going to want friends over you can say something like "Sure when your room is clean and those dishes are washed, and 2 loads of laundry is done.  Then tell your child the list of weekly chores that you expect to be done if she is to do the things she wants to do.  Once you establish "We are a family and we have to work together attitude, she will "Get with the program." 

    calatres

    Answer by calatres at 1:04 PM on Sep. 15, 2008

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  • You are going to get attitude that's for sure, but don't give in. Your daughter can have a day to do the list of chores, or she can mange a couple of tasks throughout the week. So she can have her weekends free. Here are a few of the tasks my 17 year old has to complete: just an example: Empty all the trashcans around the house,clean the guest bathroom, cook dinner 2 nights per week (I don't care if its hotdogs and macoroni) Look after her 2 siblings, so hubby and I can have a date night. On Saturdays, She has to sweep and mop the ist floor. Daily she feeds 2 dogs, (she begged me for them!)
    calatres

    Answer by calatres at 1:12 PM on Sep. 15, 2008

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