Why am I never in the mood for sex?

my husband is great but when it comes to sex i just never want it..is like i don't care for sex anymore..and this is causing a problem in our marriage of 8 yrs!! is he right? I mean 2-3 times a month is good for me..


Asked by Anonymous at 10:21 PM on Jun. 26, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed and filed in the CafeMom Encyclopedia.
Answers (31)
  • So, you have no sex drive. Get him a happy sock. That's what I did with my husband. My hubby and I have been married for 10 years. I have never had much of a sex drive but it has dropped even more in the past year (and no, I haven't had a baby recently). I just sat my husband down and told him I don't have a sex drive, I'm sorry, but don't try to get any when I don't want it. With me that leads to resentment and feeling like I'm being raped. I don't want those feelings towards my husband. He understood and agrees. We have sex about once a month or less now. He doesn't step out on me because he respects me more than that. If a guy goes and has sex with another woman simply because his wife won't give him sex, then he needs a shrink and a divorce. Any man who does that doesn't respect the woman he married and we deserve better than that. And forget the whole "men need it" argument. That's a load of bull. Men can learn to control their sex drive, and should be required to learn that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

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  • There are times I'm not in the mood either. Usually I just let him do what he has to do to me. Its worth the few minutes then to have to have a cranky husband. Plus, he's more apt to snuggle and do what I want if I give in to him when he wants. Its part of having a relationship. You take care of one another and do what you can to make the other one happy.

    Answer by cthrush82 at 11:24 PM on Jul. 19, 2010

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  • Well, if you are a new mother, that is nothing to worry about. Our bodies natrually stop the hormones that make us horney after having kids, especially if breastfeeding, so that we don't have back to back babies. If you are older or have older kids, and nothing traditional helps, talk to your doctor about starting on testosterone.

    Answer by sapient at 10:48 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

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  • i don't know whats up with sex after kids... before i had my daughter, my husband and i had sex ALL the time. we couldn't keep our hands off each other, and then i had my daughter and it just doesn't feel the same anymore.
    like we had great sex before, but now, whatever we do it just doesn't seem to do the trick. i'm hoping that after i have my 2nd child (in october) we might be able to start fresh and try again.
    being so busy with work, school, and having a toddler tho, is so draining, it's almost impossible to be in the mood and/or have energy for sex. and maybe if i could relax long enough to get in the mood, the sex could be good again...

    Answer by amazingjessi at 10:37 PM on Jul. 18, 2010

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  • I am with you on this! I've recently started really working on getting my pre-baby body back and some of my sex drive is returning with it, but I'm definitely not as into it as I used to be.

    Answer by MeghansMommy410 at 10:59 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

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  • I am totally with you on this! I have lost my sex drive as well. However that being said I feel it is better to just "do it" and keep him happy in my opinion...it makes our relationship better, and him a much much happier man lol :) again that is just my opinion. I do find it extremely funny how a man will pick the most inconvienient time to decide he wants it though lol.

    Answer by tlsteinbeck at 11:08 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

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  • you should read the book together called Love & Respect by dr. emerson eggerichs. you need more romance/love/tenderness, when that is fullfilled so will the sex drive-even if you're exhausted.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:12 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

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  • Same problem! I had a baby 8 weeks ago & since then have had ZERO sex drive..I could completely live without it! & same with foreplay even. I'm in "mommy mode" all day long & exhausted at night..good luck girl :) I'm in the exact same boat if you ever want to chat

    Answer by CaydensMama505 at 1:12 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

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  • That might work for a 50-something, but try telling a 25-year-old to "get over it" just because YOU don't feel like it. DOn't you think that men might get hurt and feel rejected? I'm sure a life of celebacy is NOT what they signed on for.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:33 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

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  • I really don't know what to tell you on this. I've just decided to bite the bullet now and then and give it to him. I realized that yeah, it's painful and it sucks but if he doesn't get it I notice that he's a lot more argumentative and tense around me and he'll turn to porn and that hurts me a lot more than a few minutes of being physically miserable. You just need to find out what's going to work for you two.

    Answer by cassie_1337 at 1:51 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

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