Is it wrong that my ex-husband's new wife insists that my kids call her "mom"?

my exhusband remarried 6 years ago. he has physical custody in our joint custody agreement. thats a long story. his new wife ever since they got married insists my kids call her mom and has been a thorn in my side. I feel its disrespectful to me as thier mom. I am being told I am being petty and selfish about this issue. what do you think?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:00 PM on Sep. 25, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed and filed in the CafeMom Encyclopedia.
Answers (27)
  • That is absurd. You are there mother and you carried and raised them. Its not petty, you deserve that respect. I would never expect or tell my stepkids to call me mom, I have respect that they have a mother. Stand up and say NO.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:02 PM on Sep. 25, 2008

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  • I don't know the whole situation but, I am assuming you are still in there lives? My SS calls me mommy and no matter how many times his BM tells him not to he does. He chose to call me mom. She may have carried him but, she also put drugs and alcohol into his body while she was carrying him. Are you sure the kids haven't chosen to do that and just don't want to tell you the truth. She has been helping care for them for 6 years so, I don't know.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 3:12 PM on Sep. 25, 2008

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  • I think that the children should be able to chose what they are going to call her. If they want to call her mom then let it go. If they don't want to then they need to be able to voice their feelings on this matter. I would never expect my SS to call me mom, but if he chose to and his mother had a fit over it I'd tell her to get over it.
    DH and I were actually joking just recently because when BM first found out we were dating she flipped out like a psycho and frantically told DH, "If you marry her (SS) can't call her mom for like five years!" WTF lady! We had only been dating for two weeks. Anyway, we are nearing five years together and we joked that we should have SS call me mom just to annoy BM. Of course, we wouldn't actually do something that immature, but BM is just one of those people you look at and think, how have you not accidenlty killed yourself with your extreme lack of common sense. LOL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:19 PM on Sep. 25, 2008

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  • There are a lot of things that could change this answer. If you're a daily and loving part of their life and active not an absent parent then it's very disrespectful of her to be doing that ! You're their mother and nothing will change that nor replace you. Its one thing if you see them 2 days once ayear but if you're active in their lives and involved then she needs to learn that they can love her as their stepmother but she will never be their mother.
    bubblycute

    Answer by bubblycute at 3:20 PM on Sep. 25, 2008

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  • I understand how u feel. My older 2 children r from a previous relationship but have called my fiance daddy 4 6 1/2 of the 8 yrs we've been together bc they know their bf 2 c him, but he hasn't been involved in their life since my son, the oldest was 1 1/2, but in ur case, bc ur still activelyu involved in their lives, both ur x and her need to respect u by not letting them call her mommy. BOTTOM LINE, THEY'RE UR CHILDREN NO MATTER WHAT & ALWAYS WILL BE!!!!!!!! Hope this helps
    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 3:26 PM on Sep. 25, 2008

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  • My SS calls me mom, but only when his BM is not around. Actually he calls me Mommy. Mommy started when his little sister was born but mom was before that. I have never forced Mom or any other special name on him for me, he chose it. If they are indeed feeling pressured to call her mom and don't do it by choice, then I think that is wrong. If they accept her as a second mom after 6 years, then I think they have that right. My SS's BM sees him for 2 different overnight visits per week, so she is still very much a part of his life. She doesn't do the doctor or the school functions or anything like that, but he sees her regularly and he still made the choice to call me Mom. He won't do it in front of his BM because he thinks she will get mad and he will get into trouble. No child should worry about expressing their feelings to their parents, no matter if it is blood or marriage relations
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 4:10 PM on Sep. 25, 2008

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  • I knew a lady in your shoes, I taught her children. Her kids resented the stepmom terrribly over this type of behavior. The step mom actually made the kids refer to the mom as their biological mother and call her by her first name instead of "mom." Those kids are going to need counseling at some point. They were great kids too. And I like the "bio mom" more than the step mom. The step mom was a bitch!
    petunia911

    Answer by petunia911 at 4:22 PM on Sep. 25, 2008

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  • I would say that the kids could call her whatever they are most comfortable with. Is your ex forcing them to call her Mom also?
    Mommy2_two

    Answer by Mommy2_two at 4:52 PM on Sep. 25, 2008

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  • I am a SM (stepmom) and have never, NEVER insisted that my bonus sons call me 'MOM'. In fact, the night before my wedding my DH had to bring the boys to me because they were concerned over what to call me. They asked if they had to start calling me mom and I about swallowed my tongue! Heck, NO! I told them they have a mom. I was their Jenny. I was happy for it to stay that way if it was okay with them. 10+ years later, I am still their Jenny.
    Gypsy98

    Answer by Gypsy98 at 5:43 PM on Sep. 25, 2008

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  • Without knowing the situation and how involved you are in their lives or who has custody, I still don't think it is right for their stepmom to MAKE them call her mom or insist to them and others that she is their mother. For years, my DH's ex and I have treated the situation as it truly is...they have two moms. One who carried them, gave birth to them and cared for them for years...and one who has nurtured them, helped shape them and been the primary caregiver as the custodial stepparent. She's the mom, I'm the Jenny.
    Gypsy98

    Answer by Gypsy98 at 5:43 PM on Sep. 25, 2008

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