2 Bumps

Why don't my stepkids listen to me?

If I explained the whole situation, I would run out of room. It's a very hard situation. He makes the rules , I enforce them, he breaks his own rules but i am left to deal with his kids who don't listen to me. When I bring up certain matters, I get told i don't know how to deal with his kids.It's not that i can't deal with< i feel like i am going through this alone. I love the kids but they don't listen and are out of control. He doesn't want to deal with reality.


Asked by Sandi67 at 4:12 PM on Jun. 28, 2008 in Relationships

1 Level 1
This question is closed and filed in the CafeMom Encyclopedia.
Answers (12)
  • I am the stepmom of a fourteen year old and she was ten when we got married. I think being a stepparent is the hardest thing in the world. I think you have to let them know in your house they will respect you and your rules or there will be consequences. You can ground them you are the one raising them. It is also vital to have the support of your husband. You have to show a united front to the kid(s). So your husband has to tell them they have to listen to you and what you say goes and back you up in front of the kids even if he does not agrre with you. If he does not agree with you that is a discussion for you to have and it needs to be done in private not in front of the kids. Good Luck and I will be praying for you. If you need to talk I am here for you.

    Answer by dolphinsoccermo at 4:19 PM on Jun. 28, 2008

    Credits: 3 Level 1
    Votes up:3 Votes down:0
  • Who is "he"? I assume you mean you have a husband but he isn't acting like one. It sounds like you are his Mary Poppins. I would deal with this relationship first. If he will go to counselling, run there. If not, you will have to decide what you need and want and what you will do if you don't get it. These children aren't yours so I think you have alot of room to negotiate with them and their father. You and he should be each other's priority. If the children are presenting that much of an issue, something isn't right in the marriage. It's hard but the two of you must be on the same page.

    Answer by manna1qd at 5:43 PM on Jun. 28, 2008

    Credits: 19 Level 3
    Votes up:2 Votes down:0
  • You have to talk to your husband and come to some sort of agreement with the children. You do not want them to run all over you just because they think they can. talk to him and explain Respect comes first and tell him to stop blowing you off. It is important they know you Love them but rules are made sometimes Not To Be Broken.

    Answer by AuntieVetta at 7:40 PM on Jun. 28, 2008

    Credits: 6 Level 2
    Votes up:2 Votes down:0
  • family meeting. all of them, hubby included. and lay it out for them. if you are the one doing the rule enforcement, do it. don't ask for him and be sure to let them know that you will not be treated like that in your own house. you are not their mom but you are responsible for thier care when they are at your home and you need to be listened too. also..i don't know the situation but no one knows those kids better than the mom. if its possible, call her and ask her for her suggestions.

    Answer by princezzmommie at 12:20 AM on Jun. 29, 2008

    Credits: 214 Level 8
    Votes up:1 Votes down:0
  • Good point on calling mom for suggestions princezzmommie.

    Answer by AuntieVetta at 1:34 AM on Jun. 29, 2008

    Credits: 6 Level 2
    Votes up:1 Votes down:0
  • I am the stepmom to 5, 2 of my own. His children do not listen to you? You must all sit and discuss rules and consequences. Your hubby must impress upon his children that they are to listen to you when you are trying to enforce a rule or punishment. If that doesn't work, leave it up to him but do not ever let them disrespect you in your own home.

    Answer by MomOf2Stepmom5 at 9:18 PM on Jun. 30, 2008

    Credits: 3 Level 1
    Votes up:1 Votes down:0
  • I am haveing the same trouble. I am not sure what to do with my step children either. I hvae been married 5 years and the girls have never listened to me. things are getting worse now that they are 11 and 10. I enforce the rules and I get the brunt end of the whole deal. His exwife and her parents even blame me for things. it's like they run our life to and my husband lets them; and when i try to do something about it, things just blow up in my face and i am a horriable person.
    so please let me know if you figure out what to do cause you are not alone.

    Answer by 1st_thyme_mom at 12:17 AM on Aug. 22, 2008

    Credits: 3 Level 1
    Votes up:1 Votes down:0
  • Its not a kid issue its a husband issue.

    Answer by Elizabeth075 at 2:07 PM on May. 8, 2009

    Credits: 3 Level 1
    Votes up:1 Votes down:0
  • Wow, it's like you took the words out of my mouth. i'm step-mom to two boys 13 and 11 who both live with us( their dad and I aren't married but been together for 6 years). The boys rotate chores mon.-fri. and it was the 13 turn. He has to do his laundry and get it put away before I let him go to his friends house. He went behind my back and asked his dad if he could just leave it on the line to finish later. His dad said that was fine. So the 13 tells me that he could go to his friends and I said no he had to finish the laundry, so there was a blow up. I talk to his dad and he didn't know what my rule and told me if he had he would have agreed with me. but later was mad at me for causeing tension in the house and that i should have just let his son go.I cried for several hours, so you are not alone I feel your pain. I may not have advise for you cause i'm going throught the same thing but I listen well PM me if you wanna vent.

    Answer by lilybug524 at 12:28 PM on Aug. 18, 2009

    Credits: 12 Level 2
    Votes up:1 Votes down:0
  • omg I have the same issue....my husband not making HIS kids mind and when I do make them mind we get into a huge ass fight...like last weekend his teen son is the lazyest kid I ever seen....go read my story its in my journal.You will see what I am talkin about and if you wanna be friends just add me I need friends thats in the same situation as me.....

    Answer by thismomrocks4 at 7:18 PM on May. 5, 2010

    Credits: 13 Level 3
    Votes up:1 Votes down:0