Is lack of sex a valid reason for divorce?

I've always had a so so sex drive and dh knew this when we got married. He still would get upset if I turned him down several times in a row. Now that I'm 21 weeks pregnant I dont feel like having sex at all, I'd rather go to bed at night. We've had sex twice since I've gotten pregnant and he keeps thinking it's him. I've told him over and over it's not. Well now he's considering leaving me because of it. Do you think that's a valid reason to end a marriage?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:21 PM on Oct. 1, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed and filed in the CafeMom Encyclopedia.
Answers (34)
  • Yes. I do. Your partner has needs. He is trying to connect with you and although you may not have a sex drive like his, sex for men is not always about beating off and humping you. It's also about emotional connection, to you, his wife.
    I suggest you find out what is going on within yourself and talk to him about it. Could it be that you're depressed. Are you not in love with him?
    My friend went through something similar. She continued to push her husband away and he ended up cheating on her. He didn't love the other woman it was about needed to know he was wanted.
    Now they are divorced and he's in a great relationship.
    I just advise that you figure out why you don't want to connect with your spouse.
    RenDanielle

    Answer by RenDanielle at 4:07 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

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  • You are pregnant with his child.You are tired.He is being selfish and a jerk to threathen to leave you now.I'd pack his bag and tell him to pay his child support.Tell him to go visit rosey her five sisters!
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 4:23 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

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  • Ummm no. Mostly when he knew that when he married you. But I can see where he is comming from too. But maybe instead of having sex, give him more oral or hand jobs? Most guys are just satistfied with just that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

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  • I do not think it is a valid reason. Throughout my entire pregnancy my SO and I had sex 5 times. That is not much at all. I just had no sexual drive what-so-ever. Those 5 times were mostly because I was sorry that I didn't have a sex drive. If I were you I would be talking to my husband about the marriage. Sure, intimacy is part of a relationship and marriage, but it should not be a basis of the relationship.
    TeaAndrews

    Answer by TeaAndrews at 3:28 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

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  • My DH is too spoiled to EVER settle for oral or hand jobs--he swears he can't finish that way and only can inside me--yeah, I know BS-- but he would definitely not stay in the marriage unless there's sex (and I mean intercourse) involved. Is this a valid reason to end a marriage? In my opinion, NO , but guys are very sexually oriented and motivated. I don't have a strong drive, either, but I do it to please him, and he stays.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:35 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

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  • No, it is not a valid reason at all. I dont even know why he would toy around with telling you he would leave if he didnt get some. That is a very bold statement and a bold move to make because he is being insensitive to your needs and feelings. Maybe just make a little more of an effort to give him some (I know that it is hard-I had the same problem with my ex when I was pregnant) or if you want out, continue doing it this way. Maybe buy him some mags and dvd's for when he gets lonely lol??
    LovinEveryDay

    Answer by LovinEveryDay at 3:44 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

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  • Absolutely not! Was having sex every night in your vows? If not, then he needs to grow up and take his marriage seriously. Too many people attatch "strings" to their love.
    ReneeK3

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 3:52 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

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  • No that is not a valid reason to leave a marriage, but (I'll probably get crucifed for this) you need to satisfy your man! Men NEED sex, it's like breathing to him. So you need to just suck it up and have a few quickies every week. Whether you are in the mood or not. But there is a chance that when you start foolin around that you'll get in the mood. A great book you should read - Becoming The Woman Of His Dreams by Sharon Jaynes.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 4:16 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

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  • Let me also add that being 21 weeks pregnant and HUGE (I look like I'm carrying twins) makes sense uncomfortable and not tempting. The few positions that we can do are very uncomfortable and at times painful. I'm not going to suck it up when it comes to pain. Also I'm tired at the end of the day from working full time, taking care of the kids, and taking care of the house because he does zilch. I'd rather just go to sleep then be uncomfortable to satisfy him for 2 minutes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:22 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

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  • yes, what you are doing is cruel. What if he refused to show you any love or comfort in the way you needed it? You are either very young or very selfish or both.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:59 PM on Oct. 1, 2008

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