Should I stop my 15-year-old daughter from dating a 19-year-old?

My daughter went to the prom last year with a Senior. She was a freshman at the time and not allowed to date, but I did allow her to go to the prom with this Senior. When she turned 15 she was allowed to date. So she kept in touch with this senior. Well he graduated and I thought that would be the end of it. Now I find out the guy is staying in this area and wants to date my daughter. As far as I know and my daughter says they have only ever kissed. I don't allow them to go out together. We live in a very small town, so its not really a place were kids can go out and date. No place to go. I've seen some texts that they send each other and they use the word love!! Should I stop them from seeing each other? I'm wanting to trust her, but the age difference is bothering me. And once I tell her she can't see him, how do I make sure she isn't?

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Asked by Jeckers at 8:12 PM on Oct. 2, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (26)

i understand you wanting to stop her, but just know, no matter how small of a town or anything, she'll only fight it, and want to date him more.
be glad, she's not out doing drugs and stuff.

Answer by Anonymous at 8:19 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

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The only real issue..is she is a minor and he isn't. Telling her no will only push her to want him more. Are there ways you can allow them to be together in a group setting? Or a very public place like a bowling alley, Dairy Queen, miniature golf. Places that don't go dark like the movies. No just hanging out.. It's a tough one. I would have a discussion with the young man and make him aware that he needs to be very respectful of that fact you will let them go out..but she is a minor and he needs to keep his hormones under control. Have the same talk with your daughter about her hormones. If they went to far he could wind up in jail and neither parents has to press charges. All it takes is a cop to roll up on them parked.

Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:35 PM on Oct. 2, 2008
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Yeah, I think I will have to talk to the young man. He's been respectful so far, but I'm not totally sure why a 19 year old wants to continue to go out with a 15 year old. He has a job and seems nice. Like I said we are out in the middle of no where. No dairy queens, mini golf, bowling. So they are limited to see each other at weddings or big events like that. Or town events, like after football games or tonight they are having a bonfire, I'm sure he will be there.

Thanks for the replys.

Answer by Jeckers at 9:24 PM on Oct. 2, 2008
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The more you tell her "no" the more she is going to want the relationship. I would suggest keeping the lines of communication open with your daughter. Invite the young man over for dinner and a movie where you can supervisor them.

Right now the age difference is big but in a few years it won't seem like such a big deal. Hope and pray that you raised your daughter right and that she will make the right choices.

Good luck!

Answer by tinkerbell76 at 9:34 PM on Oct. 2, 2008
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You gave your daughter permission to date, so you need to let her take responsibility. Don't give her freedom just to turn around and put limitations on it.

Answer by charisma10 at 10:11 PM on Oct. 2, 2008
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They say that boys are 4 years younger in maturity-who knows. I really would see no harm in letting her date him especially if he seems like a nice guy. I have quite a few friends who married their high school sweetheart and a still very happily married. You just never know. :)

Answer by candygirl1030 at 10:20 PM on Oct. 2, 2008
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I can see "Charisma10" probably doesnt have any teenagers! Of course you have to put limatations on it. The child is 15 not 25. She' s new to the whole dating thing so you dont just give free rein! That's how you end up with a pregnant 15 yr old.
On the your question...maybe you could have him come over and spend time with your family (watch movies, play games, something like that) that way you could get to know him better & still keep an eye on them.

Answer by Anonymous at 10:33 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

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Since she is allowed to date, there's nothing wrong with you letting her know that she needs to be careful of who she dates. Allowing her to continue dating this guy will depend on your confidence in how well you've raised her and following your own intuition. I also agree that maybe dating in the traditional sense-just them two-may become a bit too tempting for them. Perhaps you can tell her that you're not comfortable with them dating by themselves...perhaps you can suggest group dates and family dates. I met my hubby when I was 17 and he was 21. I never told my parents the truth about how old he was because I knew they would tell me I couldn't date him. But he was very respectful of me. . But the temptations were definitely there!! He proposed to me my senior year of school and we ended up getting married two yrs later. . And we're still married...going on almost 19 yrs!!

Answer by cuby at 8:41 AM on Oct. 3, 2008
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I wouldn't worry about it...if you say she can't see him...then she'll only rebel that much more. Like I did. My parents didn't want me seeing a black guy...but i was 14 and he was 16. not that much of an age difference. Anyways, i actually ended up falling in love with him and now we have a baby girl who's 3 months old...of course, im 18 now and he's 20. Anyways, what I'm saying is leave them alone, let them date, it probably won't work out if you allow them to date, and she'll move on, but from my experience, my parents didn't want me to date that black guy, now we're madly in love and have a child. So don't say she shouldn't date him...just let them be. =]

Answer by mafia_mama08 at 11:08 AM on Oct. 3, 2008
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Talk to him, get to know him. Talk to her and explain your concerns in a non judgemental way. 15/19 really isn't that big of a gap especially when you consider that most girls mature faster than boys. Since there isn't much to do in your area the are going to see each other anyway. Just make your decisions based on him and her, and how they act rather than on his age.

Answer by MysticFerret at 11:21 AM on Oct. 3, 2008
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