Should I stop my 15-year-old daughter from dating a 19-year-old?

My daughter went to the prom last year with a Senior. She was a freshman at the time and not allowed to date, but I did allow her to go to the prom with this Senior. When she turned 15 she was allowed to date. So she kept in touch with this senior. Well he graduated and I thought that would be the end of it. Now I find out the guy is staying in this area and wants to date my daughter. As far as I know and my daughter says they have only ever kissed. I don't allow them to go out together. We live in a very small town, so its not really a place were kids can go out and date. No place to go. I've seen some texts that they send each other and they use the word love!! Should I stop them from seeing each other? I'm wanting to trust her, but the age difference is bothering me. And once I tell her she can't see him, how do I make sure she isn't?

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Jeckers

Asked by Jeckers at 8:12 PM on Oct. 2, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (26)
  • IMO, he is too old for her. There is a big difference between a 15 yr girl and a 19 yr old boy. My daughter is 14 and I would not let her date anyone that is 4 yrs older than her, at least not now. Age won't be such an issue when she is an adult. Good luck!
    MomW773

    Answer by MomW773 at 2:50 PM on Aug. 17, 2010

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  • My daughter is dating a 19 year old. They have both made a "virginity pact" to wait until marriage. I know the parents and they have taught him to be very respectable toward her and everyone. They "date" at our houses when we are there and it consists of playing games on the Niintendo and watching movies. She has made dinner for him here and has eaten with the family at his house. She has a curfew and they go by it strictly unless there are special circumstances. I have confidence in my daughter and we have very good open communication. This is just my experience.
    womanlost

    Answer by womanlost at 10:01 PM on Jan. 19, 2010

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  • I'm glad you ask this question because I'm about in the same boat as you. My 16 yr old daughter is dating a 19 yr old & I don't like it. we did tell her at age 16 she could date but only if the boy came to our house to watch movies or something like that & talk on the phone, NO car dates period! Also we thought we made it plain to her when we said no dating anyone over 18. well I guess that went in one ear & out the other. I have been trying to handle the situation very carefully because I know if I forbid her to stop seeing him she will only see him behind my back & who knows what that would turn into so my plan is to let her keep dating him like she is, having him come over, talkin on the phone & seeing him at church.  Maybe this will help you feel more comfortable with ur daughter's BF if he dates her on ur terms.

    my3babes

    Answer by my3babes at 8:34 AM on Nov. 7, 2009

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  • 15-19 really isnt that big, honestly! My friends daughter is 11 and her boy frie d is 18. Her mum would love to kill her boyfriend, and i think its sick, but everytime she confronts her she denys it and that so... Let them be, if they love eachother and they are meant to be, theyll work out, if theyre not they wont. Juat keep an eye on them.
    Ellie_Louise

    Answer by Ellie_Louise at 11:24 AM on Oct. 11, 2009

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  • To me that's to much of an age difference and sparks the question "Why is this 19 yearold interested in a 15 year old. " To me that is too old. But because they dont go anywhere, dont fret about it. And when they want to go out, set rules and limitations, and if they break it, you know what you need to do (bad boys bad boys, what you gonna do,what you gonna do when they come for you!" lol...because moajority of the trime whats gonna happen is, he's gonna try to get something out of her, and either when she doesn't give it, or she does give it, he leaves her. So just wait it out, and dont let them go anywhere alone if they do go.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:33 AM on Oct. 9, 2008

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  • Mention to the 19 yr old that he is legally acountable for having sex with a minor and in most states would have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life no matter if your daughter concented or not.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 5:15 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

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  • Right now when they see each other they are never to be alone. Like I said we are from a really small town, no where for them to go, so they only see each other at school functions, (football or volleyball games, or if they are having some sort of town festivals or events.)

    I am not trying to defend this guy, he is 19, but I don't think he has really ever dated anyone else. Before my daughter everyone thought he was gay. So for now, I will talk with him, pretty much have a sex talk with this guy and how he better respect my daughter. And not be pushing her into anything like that. I know, guys will be guys, but I want him to hear it from me anyways. Hoping my daughter is asked out by someone else in school!! But not going to tell her that.

    Thanks for all the replys.
    Jeckers

    Answer by Jeckers at 12:25 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

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  • I think the only reason I let her go to the prom is that it is a small school and pretty much everyone goes. I mean everyone, freshman, soph, juniors and seniors. Total I think there are 150 students in the entire high school. I went when I was a freshman with a senior and didn't see the harm. They went straight to the prom and they were home 15 minutes after it ended. Those were the rules they were given.

    I have spoken to my daughter about sex, and not just once, but all the time. The consequences of diseases, pregnancy, how it should be special and hopefully when she gets married (first time), etc...

    continued on next post.......
    Jeckers

    Answer by Jeckers at 12:24 AM on Oct. 5, 2008

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  • The only issue I see is that you are sending mixed signal... First she can't date but she can go to prom with this guy... Then she can date but not him... So what is it? If you trust her to date you have to trust that she is going to make the desitions as to who... And if you trusted this guy with her when she wasn't even allowed to date why is there an issue now? Is it her age? that wasn't an issue then it seems... I was 4 years older than my first fiance... He was just 14 when we started to date... Now my husband is 4 years older than me... Age has never been a big issue for me... If you think for a second that she's safer dating a guy more her age you are very wrong! If anything you're better with a guy that know's the limits better and knows that he could be facing real issues by crossing those limits. 16yo guys don't have a clue what limits are... Buy 19 he has been through it once or twice by now.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 12:14 PM on Oct. 4, 2008

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  • YOu could point out many of your concerns to her and to him. IF the relationship develops and she begins sexual activity with him, tell them you will prosecute to the full extent of the law. He would be labeled a Child predator and have to check in with every police station where he lives for the rest of his life. Is that what he is willing to chance is it what she would want for him? Then set parameters for seeing each other or putting it off until she is 16 or 17. In reality say 15 and 19 are pretty far apart but not as much as 11 an 15, but much more than 20 and 24.... In many ways he will be limiting her since she is still in high school and he is out. It isn't fair to either one right now... but later on it may make sense...
    Take fear and emotion out, use sense and sensability...
    Good luck,
    Clare W
    www. MyHOmeCottageBiz.com
    Supplemental Income Ideas for Families
    MyHomeCottage

    Answer by MyHomeCottage at 12:26 AM on Oct. 4, 2008

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