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Is joint custody hard on kids?

I'm about to go to court for custody of my 16 month old son. He has lived with me since he was born. I am seeing sole physical custody but his father wants joint where our son spends one week in each household and I think that he is too young for that. Can anyone give examples of schedules that they use or what you think would be best. I have no problems with my son spending overnights with his father he does so now, I just think it is in his best interest to be in one primary household.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:33 AM on Nov. 19, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed and filed in the CafeMom Encyclopedia.
Answers (14)
  • Joint custody..with alternating households is hard on ALL kids. A 16 month old doing that is unthinkably stressful to me. Even if Dad gets him every weekend is better than that. I think it jerks kids around. At 16 months he will NOT understand. You and Dad need to work together to work this out. If you don't..your child is who will suffer. You may not be 'with" him anymore..but he will always be your childs father. Learn to work together now. I can tell you as a child of a mother who didn't and a father who couldn't have cared less it is a pain that lasts a lifetiem.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:40 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

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  • Thank you GrnEyedGrandma....I have tried to work with him but he won't listen to me or my concerns, He just recently got married and I'm still single and dating no one and he thinks that he can provide a better home environment
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:48 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

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  • My hubbys friend has joint custody as you mention. It has been that way since his youngest was a baby are they are happy kids, both of the parents get along great too. The kids are 15 and 13 now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:48 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

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  • I see no reason for you to have sole custudy. It should be joint. I only wish my daughers father would do everyother week with me. Maybe because your son is son young..everyother weekend woudl be good and as time goes by everyother week. Some men try to have shared custody so it can lower the cs. Work it out as best as you can. Children truly need both parents.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 8:49 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

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  • Joint custody sucks because the child never has a home. It's always Mom's house or Dad's house. It's really sad. Weekends would be best for the baby.
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 9:29 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

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  • What about every other weekend and two days during the week, the weekdays he wouldn't stay the night w/ dad but, go and spend a few hours with him.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 9:41 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

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  • matthewscandi....we do that now the father gets him every other weekend and spends 4 hours with him on tues and thurs, I'm fine with that but the father isn't
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:16 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

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  • i am going through a custody hearing as we speak. My son is a year old and 2months ago his father decided to take him from me and not return him for 8days or until I filed with the courts for custody. At the time I wanted sole custody but everyone told me that the courts wouldnt grant sole custody only if you can prove that the father was abusive to the child and if there was any violence within two years. There is a diffrent visitation schedule for children under 3yrs of age and its a weekly visitation : Monday. Wednesdays and Fridays from 3 till 6 or 6 till 8 and saturdays from 9am till 7pm but since your okay with over night stays maybe he can stay over ever other weekend and then keep him during the week as well. But I agree your child needs a primary residence he doesnt need to go back and forth every week because that makes it that much harder for him to adapt to the changes.
    TristensMommy1

    Answer by TristensMommy1 at 10:23 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

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  • OP: Thats what they will most likely leave him with then. They are not going to make a toddler go a full week without seeing his mother since, you are the primary caregiver now. He is probably trying to get out of child support. Its very unsettling to young children to not have a primary home.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 10:56 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

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  • It depends upon the state in which the divorce degree and child support/visitation/custody hearings are in and what the laws are in pertaining to all of that..... My husband and his ex have "joint custody" but, we only get him EOWE and 1 night during the week(for a couple of hours) and then Alternating Holidays-except Christmas/Winter Break....... On certain years, we get him starting the first day they have no school-through Christmas-then the other half of the break his mom gets him and vice versa....... When he was that little she denied overnights.... My husband didn't fight that crap at the time-he was a poor college student and wasn't ready to face her....But, we deal w/the issues when needed now! WE try our best to compromise unless it takes away our time and no compensation of time(like she wants him our weekend and doesn't give us an alternate weekend)........
    MR777

    Answer by MR777 at 11:45 AM on Nov. 19, 2008

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