Do you tell strangers that your child is adopted?

Well Bryson is 2 weeks old and every where we go people are ooing and ahhing over him and asking "Did you have a difficult delivery?" or someone today saw me and said "Wow you sure are getting around good for him just being 2 weeks" etc etc...I'm not a liar and don't want to lead anyone to believe I birthed him so I say "We're adopting him"...and that comes with a bunch of questions "Oh how long does that take?" "Do you know the mother?" "How could anyone give up their child?" "How much does that cost?" "Does she want to see the baby?" And if I don't have my other 2 with me they ask "Oh, were you not able to have kids?"

I don't want to be rude so have any of you adoptive parents come across such situations like this and if so, how did you respond to personal questions. Do you feel its necessary to disclose how you came about your family with strangers??

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babycakes254

Asked by babycakes254 at 6:04 PM on Nov. 19, 2008 in Adoption

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Answers (19)
  • I've never adopted; think it's great you have. I would just gloss over it when they ask. "Did you have a difficult delivery?" "No. Doesn't he have a beautiful head of hair/gorgeous eyes?" You're not lying; you didn't deliver him, so it wasn't difficult. If they persist in being nosy, simply say you are not comfortable discussing that with them. Personally, I feel it's no one's business, except yours and the child's. It would never occur to me to ask someone questions like the ones you describe, and so even if you did lie, to me they'd have nothing to be upset about since they were rude to begin with.
    Congrats on the new baby!
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 8:55 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

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  • havnt been in your situation but i think its great you adopted and congrats on the new baby. id say let him know hes being adopted and leave it at. it is no one elses buisness about the details. tell them you dont wana discuse it.
    Mommy2B04

    Answer by Mommy2B04 at 6:10 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

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  • smile and nod. You don't say anything, you aren't lying. So my son is actually my step son and his mother has a "when it is convenient for her" relationship with him. I get asked all the time questions that I can't answer from experience, only from second hand info, but I don't tell everyone he is my step son because he doesn't tell people I am his step mom. Honey, it is your business and your family's business. Nobody else. Vague answers will stop the questions from getting too intrusive.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 6:19 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

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  • I am a step mom not quite the same but I just introduce him as my son and myself as his mother.

    It is none of their business that your son is adopted. If it were me I would just be very vague with answers when it comes to strangers. To many people think they have the right to ask personal questions when they shouldn't.

    Congratulations on your child.
    little.miss.mom

    Answer by little.miss.mom at 7:17 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

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  • It's none of anyones' business unless you wish to mention it. Just smile and say Thank You. If the questions get too personal, just smile and ask "Why would you want to know that?" That will change the subject!
    companygoddess

    Answer by companygoddess at 8:03 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

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  • Not quite the same, but a little similar. I call my step-father Dad. He has raised me, clothed me, fed me and basically did everything my real father was supposed to do for me. He's been my Dad since I was 8 yrs old and I am 30 now. Growing up, people did assume he was my father because we share some similarities. Superficial stuff; hair color, eye color. Now, after growing up with him for 22 yrs, a lot of people are even more confused because we act the same. He's my Dad, there is not denying it.

    I would simply smile and not, like another poster said. This way it doesn't open up rude nosey questions and you're not lying to anyone by not saying anything.
    randi1978

    Answer by randi1978 at 8:06 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

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  • My husband and I adopted our son is and we had custody of him since he came home from the hospital. Only it is very obvious that we adopted him. My husband and I are white and our son is black. Initially we did get a few comments like yours. He was three days old and we were having to go to Target to buy all his clothes, formula, and baby needs. He was born in another state from where we live, we had to stay in the state of his birth for four weeks, and family was waiting for us back home. We were in Target in the formula aisle and debating over which formula we needed to buy for our son. So many to choose from. And we were asking other moms their opinion. Well I am very petitie, have a flat stomache and an hour glass figure. I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt where you could see some of my stomache. This woman took one look at me, asked how old my son is and started crying.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:22 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

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  • cont..My husband and I were like, "no, no, you don't understand. He's adopted. See. Look." She was sobbing because she hadn't lost her baby weight after five months. I also went back to work, started a new job after my son was born. My husband stayed home on paternity leave. Well every new co-worker I met couldn't believe I just had a baby. They were all commenting behing my back how my body sure did bounce back. Soon they learned that my husband and I adopted. But in general I don't offer information. Just smile, nod, and do what is most comfortable for you. If you want to explain then that's okay. You're a proud new mommy. If you don't want to talk about it then your not lying. As an adoptive parent you have to start practicing when to talk about your child's adoption and when it is private. Not too soon to start exercising privacy and respect for his/her information.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:28 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

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  • Since ours is an interracial adoption of an older child, I don't get those kinds of questions, but lots of others. Guess my response would depend on the situation. I tend to talk freely (as long as my son says it's okay) about adoption with anyone who asks. Course I always ask my son directly if it's okay to tell his story. That's not really possible in your situation. So I would shy away from questions like that. I think Moms sometimes "bond" over our labor stories (so many hours of labor followed by hubby did this or that, dr did this or that, kid came out ...purple, blue, screaming, kicking, etc) And that is probably the motive behind the overly personal questions. I would just smile and say, "I really don't remember much of it at all!" (I know I've tried to block out most of the 24 hrs I was in labor with my eldest!)
    mommy22miracles

    Answer by mommy22miracles at 9:51 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

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  • I haven't adopted yet, but I run a daycare and sometimes I will take one of the little ones with me when I run errands. People make comments all the time! I try not to answer most of the time. When they say "Oh, he's so cute", I just say "Isn't he though?" - When they ask how old he is, I tell them!
    I think that you could avoid most of the comments by giving vague answers. If they tell you how well you are moving around, say something like "I'm running on empty" or some other quick comment.
    For those that you do tell and they ask a lot of questions, they are probably just truly curious. When I talk to someone who has adopted, I can't help but want to ask them a million questions!
    christyg

    Answer by christyg at 10:53 PM on Nov. 19, 2008

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