Can adults have ADD/ADHD?

I am on the verge of divorcing my husband because I can not take anymore what I see as irresponsibility, disrespect, disregaurd etc.. He has been diagnosed with ADHD. He has never taken medication for it as our insurance was cancelled due to another job loss(by him) shortly after the diagnosis. He has had eleven jobs in the last year! He absolutely refuses to fill me in on where he will be and when he will be home, he leaves to run over to someone's house to pick something up or drop something off and is gone for hours. when it should have taken an hour tops. He claims he doesn't do it on purpose but I guess I am having my doubts. he does this almost every weekend. I am raising our kids by myself and I am at my wits end. I don't want to give up on him if he can't help it. Please if anyone can give me some insight I would greatly appreciate it.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:13 AM on Nov. 21, 2008 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (23)
  • All that is not caused by ADHD...yes it's helping it but that just him acting like a child...I had ADHD when i was in elementry school and I didn't take medicine but instead I worked harder on making myself concentrate on what I had to do...so today when I notice I'm buggin my husband about something I know what I am doing and I immediately try to fix it. but some cases are more severe than others but sounds like he's just being a guy.....sorry GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:20 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

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  • Thanks I had a feeling that he uses his ADHD as a crutch. We have been struggling with this for years and I have to admit I am about at the end of my rope.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:24 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

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  • He does...it's totally possible to not get rid of but to control your ADHD it's mind over matter...but some people aren't strong enough to do it. You have to want too and if he really wants too and he's not strong enough thats where medicine helps....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:31 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

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  • You mentioned that you are not on medication what has helped you stay on track?? It seems as though he is totally incapable of keeping track of time. I have tried to help him but he gets defensive says I am on his back, and need to back off etc.. not sure if he is overwhelmed or what. Usually after he yells and gets mad he will apologizes but sometimes I feel like he just doesn't care.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

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  • You can't help him he has to do it on his own...I know its hard.. I just have supportive people around me.....when I start going "crazy" lol my husband kinda says ok hunny time to talk...but the way I stay on track is because I don't want to make his life any harder than it has to be...your husband is the one who has to do it I know when my mother would stay on my back I would just make her life a living hell. You can't change someone...its sucks I know
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

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  • Please don't get upset, but I am not an adult with ADHD, but my kids both have it. I have to say, ADHD does not "cause" him to do these things. ADHD makes it harder to control himself and resist the urge to do these things, but it doesn't make him do it. It's like I tell my kids, their ADHD makes them different than others b/c: others think "I want to do X" and then think about the consequences first and decide it's not a good idea. With ADHD, they think "I want to do X" and then do it before they think about the consequences. One of the things I do with my kids (who are on meds, btw) is that I'll catch them every now and then as they run off to do something and say "what are you going to do?" they tell me, and then I ask them to tell me what could happen when they do whatever it is. con't
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

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  • con't...sometimes what they are doing is fine, like going to the swings to swing. It just helps them to get in the habit of thinking before acting. You might want to do some internet searches on coping skills or behavior modification for adults with ADHD, and see if he'll try some things to help him without meds.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:11 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

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  • Thanks so much ladies for you advice and help, I will do a search on behavior modifications. I know that is something that would probably help him if he is willing to try. I have a back ground in social work and psychology, have worked with adults and children with behvior modification plans, even writen some. I really just needed to know that he can not help it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:18 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

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  • I am a therapist and I am also an adult living with ADHD. I have to respectfully diagree that ADHD is just a matter of mind over matter. It is NOT that simple. How does it affect me (and we are all different in our signs/symptoms that we manifest)? For me I don't pay attention very well. At work during meetings or with a client I might "zone" in and out. I did the same thing with friends and family when having conversations. I also blurt out answers or interupt quite often - that impulsiveness. I often start projects at home and don't finish them. So I have a lot of projects just waiting to be completed. I often lost keys, my purse....anything I owned. I had forgetfullness.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:19 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

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  • cont...My house was messy and disorganized. I am not an unintelligent person. I am soon to be working on my Ph.d. Unmedicated I was doing okay - despite my ADHD. I was a good employee, I didn't do my absolute best b/c I could have been more focused - but I was still able to do my job. Its such a shame that I could have done even better. My husband and I have a good relationship - he's used to my interupting and switching topics. Still it would be nice for him to beable to complete a story without interuption. I am still a great mom. Recently I got to a point where I realized that I needed to work on managing my ADHD. That it is possible to be more focused, less forgetful, loose things less frequetly, be a better listener, and FEEL better.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:26 AM on Nov. 21, 2008

    Credits: 24269 Level 25
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