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Can anyone share their experience with finding a member(s) of their birth family?

what happened. did you get the answers you were looking for? were they what you dreamed they would be? did you keep contact? did you end up with a close relationship with them? what was it like emotionally?

if they found you what was your reaction and emotions when you found out they wanted to contact you?

please help me with these questions im going through this right now i just found out today my birth aunt was trying to locate me and i found out my birthmom died.

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mommieofone06

Asked by mommieofone06 at 5:22 PM on Nov. 25, 2008 in Adoption

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This question is closed and filed in the CafeMom Encyclopedia.
Answers (6)
  • My husband had a son at 18 that was adopted by the mother's aunt and uncle.My husband met him 2 yrs ago when he turned 18.My husband flew over to see him and kept in contact for about a year and a half but now he has not returned any of my husband's phone calls.My husband is very hurt by this.He tried so hard to build some sort of relationship with his firstborrn child.Good luck with whatever you decide to do:)
    momto558

    Answer by momto558 at 5:42 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

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  • Check out a book called "Birthright: A guide to Search and Reunion for Adoptees, Birth Parents and Adoptive Parents" by Jean A Strauss. You'll read about all kinds of senarios about different reunions and tips for do's and don'ts.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 8:38 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

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  • I am so sorry that you just discovered that your birthmom died! When did she pass away? How? How are you feeling about all of this? I placed a precious little baby 12 years ago, but it is open, so we talk from time to time and I see him every couple of years, I can not imagine how he would feel not being able to talk to me when he wants to, or ask questions if he needs to, even simple questions about our relatives, was that hard for you not being able to talk to her? Are you going to talk to the aunt? I think it may be helpful to you, to find out about your blood family, your families history etc, and to learn about who your first mother was. It might be really healing.
    love4thelost

    Answer by love4thelost at 9:41 PM on Nov. 25, 2008

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  • mommieofone06
    ((((((hugs to you))))) I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I can only imagine how difficult it is being "found" by your aunt, and "lost" again- learning of the death of your Mother. This IS one of the saddest things we find in search- that we are too late.

    I hope you will consider contact with your aunt. I bet she has plenty of stories to share with you about your Mother, and pictures. May you find comfort in speaking to your Mothers family.

    with heartfelt sympathy,
    adopteeme
    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 4:07 AM on Nov. 26, 2008

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  • I was adopted out at birth, and accidently found my birth mother at 18. I met her, and it was nothing like I had imagined. I keep in contact, but not very often. Let me just say that I was extremely happy that I was adopted by my parents after that meeting.
    1sttimemom512

    Answer by 1sttimemom512 at 4:48 AM on Dec. 4, 2008

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  • I recently found out my birth mother died too. I had finally found her full name and a divorce from her husband and the next item was a SSN death record (I did this online). I have no idea what happened, only that she was 36 years old and had three other kids. I knew about her daughter because she was born before I was and she kept her. I did morn her but not like the mother that raised me but more for loss of the life of the woman who cared enough to give me up, and for all the answers to the questions that I will never have, like who was my father, health questions and all the others. I have tried to find my sister and brothers but I have found nothing on them, I don't even know if they know that I exist. I understand how you feel to lose someone you never knew. I am so sorry!
    Cbous

    Answer by Cbous at 6:07 PM on Dec. 8, 2008

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