Do you have any tips for living with in-laws?

My bf and I are currently living with his family (due to both of us getting laid off). I totally hate it here and his family has to argue and prove me wrong about everything. They even tell me how to raise my kids! Any ideas on how to deal without cussing someone out or being disrespectful?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:34 PM on Dec. 22, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed and filed in the CafeMom Encyclopedia.
Answers (21)
  • Um, don't?

    When you are under YOUR roof, that's one thing.

    Under THEIRS? Just smile and nod and be thankful.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 7:37 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

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  • You live in their home so you have to put up with them. Sorry! At this point all you can do is grin and bear it. Be thankful that they allow you to stay with them.
    Magpie75

    Answer by Magpie75 at 7:38 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

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  • I knew I was not alone, I have survived by just ignoring them,specially her, I really did my best at being respectful and treating them as i would like to be treated but it just did not work, and I was working, she just had no interest in saving our relationship, so I just ignore her now, i don't think that putting my energy into fighting or arguing with her will make thing better, try to go to a job agency they might be able to help you and your bf,and move out, if not your relationship with him might be in jeopardy.Good luck!
    nellibatel

    Answer by nellibatel at 7:39 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

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  • It sounds as though they are finding it hard going to have you and your family there, too. Since you are living there and unemployed, it seems that you are stuck with having to go out of your way to get along. I know how very rough this is. Earnestly be looking for work so that you can get out of there as soon as possible.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 7:39 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

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  • I tell you, my husband and I, would be working round the clock--mopping floors if we had to--saving every penny, in order to to NOT have to live with either of our parents!

    I suggest you pool every penny, and do the same as quickly as possible!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:53 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

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  • I am grateful for living here, but that doesn't mean that they have the right to tell me that I am being a bad mother because what I do is different than what they did with their kids. Also, they can't just constantly blame my kids for everything that happens around here. There is a line between being grateful and being a door mat.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:13 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

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  • I lived with my in-laws for a while and as much as I love my MIL and we get along really well my FIL can be an ass, I had to bite my tongue so many times.  Sometimes you just have to yell but you can be grateful while still standing up for yourself and your kids.

    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 8:32 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

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  • Sorry - their house, their rules.

    If they are being jerks, I am sorry for that. Nobody deserves to be taken for granted.

    Have you tried sitting down when the children are sleeping and saying "We are so grateful that you are letting us stay with you. Here is $XXX rent we can afford, here is when we are moving out, here is our plan. In the meantime, I know it is stressful for everyone but can you please pull me aside when you need to speak to me? I don't want you do that in front of the children."

    And then GO GET JOBS. Like YESTERDAY. As in, whoever is hiring. $7/hour is better than nothing.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 8:40 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

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  • Rules and boundries. For example:
    1. You have your own space, they have theirs so you can retreat and have privacy if tension builds.
    2. You will discipline your child if needed.
    3. You will not raise your voices, call name, place blame or be disrespectful toward each other.

    Discuss and agree with the rules and boundries with your bf before proposing a meeting with the in laws. BF should set it up and ask his parents to bring a few of their own. Make it a point to let them know you appreciate what they are doing for you and you want to get out as soon as possible but to live in harmony in the meantime.
    happi-ladi

    Answer by happi-ladi at 8:56 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

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  • that sucks but you just have to live in hell for awhile. i don't get it though, my hubby and i both don't work but we still have our own place. unemployment helps us out right now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:08 PM on Dec. 22, 2008

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