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A difficult marriage to say the least, when and how to let go?

Posted by on May. 8, 2016 at 10:36 AM
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OK, my husband and I have been married for 11 years. We have two girls ages 8 and 5. 

We have done marriage counseling. I have even filed for divorce, but he won't go through with it. I'm not going to have a drawn out miserable divorce and stick the kids in the middle. So I stay. 

I am NOT happy. He has made some horrible decisions over the years when it comes to money and drinking and has put this family in the worst places at times. He is supposedly trying to change his ways, and though I forgive him, I do not trust him. He will always be a poor decision maker, and I keep waiting for the next bomb to hit. 

I try to make it day by day and be happy in front of the kids, though I know our marriage is not one I would want them to model their own relationships over some day. I do not fight with their dad in front of them, I alwsys tell them that he is a good day, etc. We are just not affectionate and loving towards each other. We do a lot of things with the kids separately. We do go on vacation twice a year together. We do all scholl activities and dance recitals and the like as a family. 

I work part time and I am an avid fitness enthusiast, so I do have other things in my life to keep me busy. So again, I stay for now. He will not make it easy for me to leave, so I feel stuck. I am not sure why he wants me to stay, other than the fact that divorce will make him look bad and cost a fortune. I think he would be much happier with a different woman.

With the poor decsion making - he also makes poor decisions about his health. He has put on 50 lbs - yes 50 in 11 years. He diet is a disaster, he is always complaining about stomach pain, and tooth pain. He eats candy before bed and then falls asleep without brushing his teeth. Stupid. All these little stupid things he does adds up and drives me nuts - and that's on top of the HUGELY poor decisions he has made. 

I don't find him attractive anymore. He does nothing to make himself attractive to me, and I don't get it. He needs to take better care of himself, and don't we as spouses have an obligation to keep ourselves attractive to our supposed life mate? UGH. I know, I'm venting. 

But it's just all of it. I'm losing my mind.

by on May. 8, 2016 at 10:36 AM
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Replies (1-2):
143myboys9496
by Member on May. 11, 2016 at 3:55 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't know, when to let go. I'll be married 25years this August, and I'm wrestling with sadness, disappointment, and not being happy also. 

If you've done counseling, and drawn up divorce papers, but stop because you don't want a fight, sounds like he knows that...

You KNOW you're not happy, you KNOW you don't want to be married to him...if you KNOW these things to be true, then you may have to fight for your happiness.

sourcandy
by New Member on Feb. 7, 2017 at 11:14 PM
I think he is testing you in ways that he knows he shouldn't! Kids pick up on parents and even though you don't feel no attraction to him, the children senses it. I feel rejected and unappreciated in everyway in my marriage by my husband!! I'm too the point now since I'm 40, does it really matter anymore about the closeness or I Love Yous'!! I'm like you, wanting to set a example for my boys which are teenagers now 17 and 12 but really breaks my heart because all I want is a loving family but my husband refuses to be just that!! But, sounds like you have your ducks in a row and sometimes you just need to move on for you and your children because it's not healthy for you or your children to be put in terriable positions because of him. GoodLuck
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