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Posted by on Nov. 20, 2009 at 8:26 PM
  • 10 Replies

Have any of you Cafemom's having teenage son's, my son is 19, has had a beautiful but deadly time bomb explosive girlfriend for the last 2 years and is bad news for my kid.

Now grant you all, I am a mom with only one son, who's father was bad news.  So I am not throwing a stone at anyone, and yes I'm the first to admit I have made some pretty bad choices in my teens as well, no doubt and believe me I have and are still paying for the consequences. 

But, just as I got my kid back home, and appears to want to be going for his goal, I have just discovered how in deep he is with his girlfriend.  It's his first girlfriend ever and I get first love.  But she is bad news, my kid shared somethings yesterday which has him quite freaked out.  She's also punched him which I suspected, and it was  he showed me his black and blue arm.   To glance at her, and talk with her she comes across like a Fairy Princess.  Oh but she has a wicked mean streak, of which I don't hesitate to inject my vocals into her, cause I want her to know I got enough with my kid and have enough battles with him, that I ain't planning to add her to the mix.  She's now taken up Pot, and she is luring my son back, or so he says.  I'm sure about my gut feeling, my spirit within, which my inner truth and not my head or heart misleading me.  However, I have got to be smart, and cool, yet with a rod that out smarts the yucky honey....My son lives with me now, he just past his written driver's test, of which eventually he'll be driving and hopefully working and back in school/community college  all come by this January, those were the pre-agreed rules.  With that as a goal I feel good and no doubt have a mountain ahead of me, with new challenges, and with God all things are Possible, cause He is Faithful, I just have to commit to stay committed and not waiver.  

His girl friend,  attends a different college campus clear across town and that's truly God's Blessing.  He's constantly on his phone, she text's him non stop, he's an uptight kid that is so be-witched. However, he wrote me and asked to come home, and admitted he wants to break from his girlfriend.  So I am acting, based of his given description.  How much is really true, I don't know, I don't totally believe him, but I do agree she's needy and has a violent streak.  I'm asking for Help from my Cafe Mom's all advise welcomed, for pondering and considerations,  Thanks CSJOY1 shoutingHelp me, calling all Teen & Adult Moms!!!!


by on Nov. 20, 2009 at 8:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Nov. 21, 2009 at 10:46 AM

Here's a bump for you!bump

by on Dec. 30, 2009 at 2:31 PM

Last heard, I understand he went back? How are you handling this? I hope and pray your son learns his lessons sooner than later and will get back to school.

by on Dec. 31, 2009 at 7:48 AM

If he really wants to break it off with her, he'll have to tell her in a nice way that they need to stop seeing each other....and then stop all the phone calls, texts, etc. That's the only way.


by on Jan. 1, 2010 at 12:40 PM

It sounds like he's on his way out of this relationship. I would talk to him lots about what's going on in his life and be his biggest champion. If he had a great self image and clear vision about what kind of girl and life he deserves and wants, he wouldn't have put up w this so long - so be his best booster fan. And ask how does he feel about things, rather than tell him what he should be feeling, (which will be hard), but he needs to process this through himself, and may be more resistant if he's being pressured into processing faster in the exact manner you'd prefer. 

by on Jan. 1, 2010 at 1:55 PM

My, now 16 year old son had a girlfriend rather like  your son's.  Except instead of violence, she was also going with another boy and having some sexual relations with him.  She is the typical needy goth girl.  DS is going with someone else now, and still she tries to suck him back in.  The reason, the only one, that caused/forced him to see the truth and break up with her,  was when he saw for himself what was going on.  He caught them in the drum room where she was ringing the other guy's bell!  She graduates this year, thank God!  So whatever I may feel about his current girlfriend, she's very shy but seems nice, I just hope that romance lasts until after graduation and until this previous drama queen/master manipulator has gone off to college.

I hate to tell you  this, but he will have to see for himself and in a bad way, unfortunately, what she is.  If you try to get rid of her, he'll only cling tighter.  All you can do is keep the lines of communication open and let your home be his soft place to land and you be his biggest cheerleader.



by on Jan. 2, 2010 at 11:50 AM

You poor thing. I hope the Holidays didn't allow her to "work" her way back in?  Girls will use anything possible to keep a boy/man who wants to break it off.  If he really wants to break it off, there can be NO MORE contact at all!  He needs to prepare to cut all ties, because someone that "obsessive (the girl)" will try to keep contacting him.  Also if she is the one that drives, etc....then he may be dependant upon her for his transportation and "getting out".  Change his cell #, make sure he tells her that he needs to break it off, maybe with an excuse of "I need to focus on my life/school and get it in line now"......but definitely do all that is necessary to cut ties. She'll probably drive over and use the "promises and tears" to win him back, but he needs to be a ROCK. 

I am a mother of 2 girl teenagers.  So far, so good with them, they are good girls.  But I've always had more guys as friends, and I remember what some of these girls will do and what lengths they will go to.  One of my guy friends had to have his mom go to the door and tell the girl if she contacts her son again, she'd call the police and file a complaint (stalking,etc.).  After NUUUUUMEROUS calls from her begging him to take her back,....he never answered one phone call from her.........and eventually she found some other guy to hang on too.

During a break-up (especially after 2 years) you need to help your some stay busy as much as possible. Make him bring some friends over, go out with friends (keep tabs, to make sure she doesn't just "pop up")........studies, games, so much out there for them to do. Maybe volunteer at a horse ranch/animal shelter, etc.....

pink ribbonIdahotrailblazer

by on Jan. 2, 2010 at 12:41 PM

Who knew having teenagers would be so hard!! My son is 20 and has been in an on again off again relationship. Don't get me wrong but I like the girl but the two of them have sooo many problems and are sooo toxic to each other. I guess the only thing we can do (i mean the are considered adults now) is keep the communication lines open. I try not to tell him what to do but do tell him they might want to consider a break. It sounds like your son is trying to make that break up move. Support him in what ever he decides. However NO ONE should be phisically hurting another. Tell him he is worth more than that.

by on Jan. 3, 2010 at 4:17 PM

I agree with some of what others have said.  In talking to your son I think it is important to do it in such a way that he realizes for himself that he needs to break it off.  I think he should be careful in doing that so she isn't able to re-manipulate things to her advantage while he is doing the breakup.  Maybe he should have supporting friends around him while he is telling her or do it over the phone wiht you close by in hearing distance for support.   Definitely after the breakup occurs, CHANGE HIS CELL PHONE NUMBER.  At that point he needs to stay busy in things that she is not likely to be involved in.  Then you may need to not leave him home alone for very long at a time if she starts showing that she will start trying to track him down at home.  Above all, cover your son in prayer daily.



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by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 11:58 AM

I would just be supprotive of him wanting to break up with her. She's abusive and sounds like bad news. Unfortunately he must come to this on his own. Abuse escalates. I know from my own experiences. Even if he is not being completely truthful about the relationship and what is going on it's enough to know she is "intense" and makes him unhappy. Encourage him to remove himself to get a better perspective. Hope all goes well. hugs

The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear. -Herbert Agar

by on Jan. 4, 2010 at 12:49 PM

I used to be 'that girl'. I was messed up and insecure as a kid. Some guys stayed some didn't. Some stayed for a long. time.  Then somewhere along the line I ended up being the one that stayed in the bad relationship. 

The trials of growing up are difficult sometime. Sure you can change his number and do other things, my family did, but that didn't do anything. I gave them my new # my new address. Finally I grew up. Everyone goes through it at varying levels. The best advice I've read so far is to keep the line of communication open and support him in his decision. Don't make or carry out his decision, just be their for him.

You sound like a great loving mom and he sounds like a pretty smart guy to want to get out. He is a lucky man to have you. 

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