Does Your Teenager Have A Sense Of Entitlement?
Does your teenager feel that you owe him what he wants when he wants it?
“I Want It Now!” How to Challenge a False Sense of
Entitlement in Kids is an excellent article that can help
parents who are facing this dilemma with their teens.
Mom's Minute Blog - Hints, Tips & Advice To Make Mom's Lives Easier
Do my teens have a false sense of entitlement? Ha!! You can say that again. I have four - 12 thru 19. Two are mine, two are my steps. Through the guilt and chaos of our divorces my husband and I handed out material items to the kids right and left. Now with the economy we have had to cut back and can really see how spoiled the kids are. If they go to the mall or meet friends downtown they automatically expect $10 or $20 to be handed over to them. They don't ask if they can go to the movies (at $10 a ticket) they tell us they are going and then expect money. One daughter even sent us a txt from the mall stating "I don't have any money." Keep in mind the mall was in the next town. She wanted us to drive over, give her money, then drive back in two hours to pick her up again. On top of it she had money from Christmas. We ignored her requested. When confronted later she stated "I want to save my money."
It's uuuggggllllyyy.
It's
Thankfully, mine don't act like they're entitled, but they do assume and take things for granted. It's not material things, but stuff like volunteering me to pick up and drop off their friends without checking with me first. Or having their friends show up at our house and just assuming I have food in the house and will feed everyone.
Out of 4 kids, my younger daughter was the only one that felt we owed here the world. And, at 30 yrs of age, she sometimes still does! Her older sister and her younger twin brothers in no way, ever acted like they are/were entitled to anything. My twin boys are now 17 yrs old. And, knowing that, as a single mom, I can't afford cars for them, they haven't even asked for a car to share! And, on their Christmas list, the few video games they wanted, they put a note by, saying "used is just fine". That really tugged at my heartstrings! God love 'em.
His, mine, and ours = 5.
24 yo daughter - YES! Since she has 4 kids and no job and the *men* in her life are bums... someone needs to pay the bills and buy her stuff. Why wouldn't you want to take care of her? If you feel a need... let me know and I will send you her address so you can send money. If it is less thant $20 - don't bother, that won't even get her enough gas to get to the mall. And, by the way, personal checks are not acceptable. Send money orders or cash. If you have some extra plastic that you would like to pass on, she will gladly accept that. Please make sure the credit limit is high and that the bill is paid on time. It would be terribly embarrassing if she gets to the mall and loads the counter and your plastic is declined!
21 yo son - not in the least. He is actually going into missions and plans on becoming a pastor.
18 yo son - How dare you even ask... of course the world owes him everything! What kind of question is that anyway?!?!?
15 yo Daughter - Not a bit. She is generous, kind, caring, loving. Money was tight last week. The night before payday, I didn't have anything to cook for dinner and I only had $10. She offered up her Christmas money to buy dinner. Fortunately my $10 covered the bill.
13 yo - Depends on his mood and the situation. Usually not, but when his 360 got the ring of death 2 weeks before Christmas, he fully expected Dad to drop everything and take him to Gamestop immediately to buy a new 360 at that exact moment.
My 13 y/o DD feels entitled. If she ain't happy, ain't no body happy. I got so sick of arguing with her over what she wanted to buy that I didn't want to buy her that she's now on a capitated budget, and at least that set of arguments is over. I highly recommend it. We made a list of her needs (shampoo, 5 short sleeved shirts/yr, 3 prs jeans/yr, new winter coat every other yr, etc) and then looked up the target prices for these things, and the suave type shampoo. Then we listed her wants, like 2 movies with friends per month, a new pair of earrings every month, lunch bought at school every day vs bringing from home, etc. Then I decided what amount of her wants I was willing to sponsor (not very much). And we totalled it up and she gets that amount in weekly installments in the form of her allowance. She can spend it as she wishes, and if she wants to earn more money, she can do extra chores. All of a sudden, she's packing lunches from home and shopping at the 2nd hand stores for abercrombie.
However, my 2 kids christmas expectations were obscene. She made a list one day that my husband was at home and convinced him to go to Target with her and she put some of the stuff on her list in his cart and helped him to the checkout with it. I was steamed. I can't believe I had to explain to him and her that christmas is not like a grocery list that is dictated to your parents. My goodness.
I think all three of my kids think that they should be entitied to their every want, but this year we have really cut back. We set a budget for Christmas and they were told that anything they wanted within that budget was fine. The two boys wanted a lot of video games, so they got that and some clothes that were within the budget. DD wanted clothes. She wanted Victoria Secret, so I got her some things on her list, then went to Wet Seal and got her a few things there. Right before Christmas she felt she absolutely HAD TO HAVE a new pair of dress boots and told me she had money in the bank she was willing to pay for them with. I took her and she got the boots and later made her give me the money. Last year I would have let it go and not taken the money, but this year, I want them to learn a little about the value of a $$$. It's a constant struggle.
Cheryle A. Roberts
Oh yeah, mine think that. I thought they were just doing that after suddenly becoming a one parent household. I guess not. They don't do anything anymore, they expect me to do it. They automatically assume that I am going to clean the kitchen up even when I was sick, the kitchen still looks bad because they are waiting on me to do it. I will more than likely clean just the living room where two older teens 17 an 18 sleep. Normally I clean because I can't stand to look at it. Plus, my 18 yo daughter wants to know why I don't have 4000 to pay for her braces and that I should come up with the money. They also ask for things and assume that I will just jump to get it. I would definately say there a sense of entitlement. Aren't most teens like that to some degree, I am sure some of us were that. I was to a point.
I'm ready to pull the earbuds out of his ears and put them somewhere less comfortable.
- Mom-Online
on Jan. 5, 2010 at 10:57 AM