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Handling step-kids

Posted by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 9:16 AM
  • 11 Replies

I have 4 grown step-kids. Three live in central Texas and one works with my husband. ITheir mom passes away about 2yrs ago. I've sat down with the them and told them that in no way do I want to replace mom. I dont even want them to look at me like their step-mom. I just want to try and be accepted. Easier said than done...I'm finding out. They only call on my husbands cell phone and rarely will they "chat" with me. I've tried just about everything I can think of. Anyone out there have any suggestions?

by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 9:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Jun. 3, 2010 at 9:23 AM

I don't have any ideas.  My brother and I accepted my stepdad when he married my Mom (our Dad had passed away).  We were happy for her.  He was really nice and a great grandpa for my girls when they were born.  Sadly he passed away almost 10 years ago. 

atlmom2
by Susie on Jun. 3, 2010 at 9:28 AM

I wanted to add too that I have had contact with other people that just can't accept someone new in the family, especially after a death.  I talked with someone and I mentioned my stepdad and they firmly said their "stepmother" wasn't a stepmother, she her Dad's wife and nothing more.  Her mom has been dead for years.  I guess some can't get over it.  I could. 

amberdy
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 11:10 AM

It's a tough situation.  My mother isn't dead, but she left my father after 33 years of marriage and married a 19 y/o (yeah, very Jerry Springer, LOL).  I look at my stepmother as my father's wife.  But, out of respect for my father, I am nice to her, I call her on her b-day, Mother's Day, etc., I talk with her when I'm around here, etc.  I would just try to keep the lines of communication open and hopefully they will come to see you for you.  Good luck, I wish I had some advice.

MrsBLB
by on Jun. 3, 2010 at 1:58 PM

How long has this been going on?   

976pumpkin
by on Jun. 8, 2010 at 3:23 PM

We got married last Sept. and x-mas time.I had a surprise birthday party for my husband on Feb. 15 and of course invited all 4 of my step-kids. They came to the dinner but they sat off in a corner of the dining room and chatting amoung themselves. Of course I was very hurt and my husband knew it. His response was, "that's why I was against having a party"

976pumpkin
by on Jun. 8, 2010 at 3:27 PM

That's how my step-kids are. Since they rarely cook, I've tried inviting them to dinner at our house. What I don't understand is they added me to their friends list on facebook. So I don't understand what the deal is with them.

MrsBLB
by on Jun. 8, 2010 at 4:45 PM

Maybe they just need a little more time. 

976pumpkin
by on Jun. 8, 2010 at 4:54 PM

I guess. It's just hurtful since my family was very accepting of my husbands and his kids. I guess I was "hoping" that they were ging to as accepting with me as my family was with them.

MrsBLB
by on Jun. 8, 2010 at 6:26 PM

I understand.  My family was the same way, DH's mom was too.  His dad, not so much.  The kids were still in diapers, except for my 1st son who was 8.  It hurt him and I hurt for him.  Everyone came around finally, but the now 22 yo still remembers.  He forgave a long time ago, forgetting is a different story.  He understands now and that helps.  Hang in there.  It will work out.  *hugs* 

Quoting 976pumpkin:

I guess. It's just hurtful since my family was very accepting of my husbands and his kids. I guess I was "hoping" that they were ging to as accepting with me as my family was with them.

 

FL2AK
by on Jun. 8, 2010 at 10:26 PM

I am going to guess that since they are all adults they just do not feel the need to have another mother figure in their life.  My 15 year old is like that with his dad.  My ex has already been married and divorced again since our marriage ended.  My son politely told his dad that whoever he marries now will be his dad's wife.  He does not feel the need to just have a stepmom.  I would just let them come to you.  If you show that you are upset about it, they will only resent you more.   

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