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16yr old daughter has broken heart

Posted by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 2:20 PM
  • 15 Replies

Hi.  I'm new to this site and this is my first post.  I am seeking to meet other mothers of 16yr old girls.  My daughter is in her first relationship, we really like the boy, he is 18, comes from a good family that we know.  Anyway, to make a long story short, they have been having problems with whether to stay together or not.  How do you other mothers try not to get involved, or help her with her broken heart, or offer advice, or whatever it is you do?  This is so hard for me; to see my daughter's heart hurting because she cares for this boy so much, and knowing I can't take way the pain is killing me.  She will have many more heartaches I'm sure, but how do I help her with this one without getting involved.  The boy and I are very close too.  This is my (our) only child .  Thanks for any advice any of you wonderful mothers have.  Patty

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 2:20 PM
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by Shauna on Jul. 12, 2010 at 2:30 PM

Hi and welcome to the group.

My dd Aly is 16 and she has been seeing her boyfriend Zach 18 for a few months now.

It is hard to sit back and watch when our kids are hurt but with my dd I follow her take the lead, in this type of situation. I know when something is bothering her and will let her know that I am here if she needs to talk. I usually let her vent before I offer any advice because sometimes all she needs is an ear and a hug. If I think I have advice that will help her in her situation I will offer it to her but I never put down or place blame on the other person involved, since that can backfire.

Good luck!

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 2:37 PM

My oldest dd is 17 and she's been with the same bf since she was 14, but they've hit some "rough spots" along the way. Teenage girls can take a lot of things to do with love and act like it's the end of the world, but it does hurt to watch. I've given her advice and a shoulder to cry on, and I think that's helped a lot through the years.

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 4:02 PM

Welcome to the group. hugs

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 5:09 PM

Anyone who has a teen knows that boyfriends and girlfriends will come and go, they will have a broken heart infact maybe even a few, The best thing to do is just talk to your teen and stay out of the boyfriend and girlfriend stuff, because they are not going to listen anyway. I tell my boys that they are going to have many broken hearts, and they have!

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 5:20 PM

 screaming Awwww I am a bleeding heart to BEGIN with and when it comes to strangers much less my own kids I am mushier than soggy oatmeal! So when all 3 of our daughters ended up with broken hearts more than once and they sobbed soooo hard, I sat down and held them in my arms and cried too bc seeing them hurt, hurt worse than when I had my own heart broken as a teen.  They would redo their myspace pages with a sad song and profile background for awhile and I would leave a supportive comment on there just something simple so I wouldnt embarass them. They would burst into tears at EVERY romantic or sad song for days and days and I would get teary too and get up and go give them extra hugs. Their dad beat the living daylights out of a stuffed animal one boy gave one of our daughters. He punched it and let it fly across the living room and that actually got her to smile and giggle a little, he uses the supportive yet trying to get them to smile again approach. I DO NOT tell them to stay to together or to break up but if they ask advice then I give it as subjectively as possible so they dont think I am attacking him. WE TOO have literally LOVED some ex boyfriends and we grieved the break ups too.  We often have taken a broken hearted daughter out to lunch or dinner with us, just the 3 of us for special alone time. Our girls are lucky because they have a little and big brother who are very supportive too.

I thought it was soooo sweet, once when our youngest daughter was in middle school and broken hearted , her little brother said "Well I guess there will be a lot of boys in school detention on monday. She said WHY? He said Bc when they found out YOU dont have a boyfriend anymore they are all going to go crazy fighting over you. AWWWWWWW He actually got her to smile.

I am sorry your daughter is going through this and you too. I know how sad that is.

by Susie on Jul. 12, 2010 at 5:21 PM

You can only support her.  My 19 year old had a boyfriend all of her senior year.  They broke up just before they had dated a year.  Its been a year and she really isn't totally over him.  It will take someone really special to take his place.  It will happen someday.  You are right, kids are in for several heartaches in their life before they find Mr. Right.  I was devastated at first, as much as she was though.  Dh thought I was a nutcase, LOL.  He was like "what's the big deal". 

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 5:50 PM

jaw droparguinglaughing

OMGOSH you guys... I shouldnt laugh at this and I DIDNT at the time but it was 4 yrs ago now and so now it is funny. LOL

When Michae'la was 14 she was with this one guy 16 for at least 6 mos and he told her someday he was going to marry her and they were going to have a family and so on and so forth and she was head over heels. He was her first TRUE love that she was super serious about.  Then one day he decided he wanted to play the field after all that just out of the blue and she was DEVASTED, she cried really hard for days all day long. I cried too FOR her.  Her little sister Amanda 13 would rub her back and hold her and pat her hair and

THEN THERE WAS OUR OLDEST DAUGHTER BRITTANY who is very quiet but she doesnt cry easily, she gets silently ANGRY instead when she sees her loved ones hurt. She was 17 at the time. She got in the car one day while michaela and I were sobbing and didnt say anything and I thought she went to the gas station for a pop or something. She came home a short time later and said nothing.

THREE DAYS LATER Michae'la burst into tears at a sad song and I said aloud about her ex.. "GOsh honey Jeffs parents LOVED you too I bet they would be upset if they knew the WAY he broke up with, not that he did but the mean way he did it. " Brittany smiled a sheepish smile and said OHhhhh they KNOW!" We were all shocked bc we had not talked to jeff or his parents since the break up. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT BRITTANY?

She explained that when she couldnt bear to see us all crying anymore she drove to jeffs house and he came to the door and she said "WHY did you tell my sister you love her and wanted to spend your whole life with her if you didnt mean it?"  He said Why NOT?  Brittany said WRONG answer and punched him right in the EYE giving him a black eye! OH NO!!!!

We told her she could have been arrested and put in jail and as much as we know she is protective of her sister we would not have bailed her out. She said I KNOW... It was a chance I knowingly took and I figured it would be worth it. I dont regret it.

We called jeffs house and left one message that we had no idea she did that and WE were sorry and wished him no harm.

Apparently Jeff got a lot of ribbing from his friends for months for the black eye he got from michaelas sister.

I know I shouldnt laugh at this even NOW 4 yrs later but I cant help it. lol

HOPEFULLY the next time he broke up with a girl he did it with at least a little compassion.

by on Jul. 12, 2010 at 9:25 PM

 When my dd had her first broken heart at 17 I put some great inspirational quotes in her room and bought her an "Open Heart" necklace from Kay's and had engraved in the back When Your Heart Is Open It Can Never Stay Broken.  I think having a positive attitude and teaching them that heartache is a part of life will help them cope.  Good luck and (((hugs))) to your dd!

by Gold Member on Jul. 12, 2010 at 9:48 PM

  This is what HS is supposed to be about.Meeting and dating different people. It terribly hard to see your child hurting. My best advice is to never put this boy down.Just in case they do get back together. Tell her you understang how she is hurting but don't know how to kiss it and make it better. Offer an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.It's abut all you can do.

by Shauna on Jul. 13, 2010 at 8:19 AM

Quoting jabs54:

 When Your Heart Is Open It Can Never Stay Broken

Awww, that's a great quote.

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