Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

12 yo wants run away from father's house (PIOG) (update in blue)

Posted by on Jul. 18, 2010 at 11:19 AM
  • 10 Replies

I have son who lives with his father in CA. There's been a lot going on over the years. I went out there this past week to visit and learned some interesting things.  All this week my son has been calling me about dad's gf being on his case about everything and grounding him from going outside for something I think could have been handled differently. I got a call last night stating once again  dad's gf is on his case about something. He wants to runaway from them. He made it clear that he doesn't want to live there. He even gave me a list of things last weekend to combat dad on in court. I just listened and wrote it down.  Currently, I am trying to build a case here already to regain custody. This is based on behavior from father over the last 10 years. I finally gained some courage to fight back. I talked to someone about doing it without the attorney. In the meantime, because courts are slow, I need to figure out how to detour him from just taking off, I understand that kids get upset about things parents do rather its grounding or whatever. I have 3 teens that live here. I have told the father years ago that his tactic of trying to destroy the relationship between my son and I is going to backfire on him. This is as far as the degrading comments, lowering my authority and basically treating the gf the like she is the mother and I am just here. I have also had visitation denied and when he is grounded from his phone and going anywhere, visitation and phone priviledges are also used to keep him from me also. I have also said that I would take him for the summer to see if it helps when they were having issues in their relationship and said that he was reason. This was a few months ago. He used the court order which he uses so frequently that I decided to pull it out and read it again. It does say that things can be change temporarily through mutual written consent. They take the phrase about neither party changing the child's state of residence to mean that he can't leave the state. I have tried explaining it and its not working. Anyway, I need to figure out a way to detour this. In a normal parental situation I could talk to father to see what's going on. This isn't normal, so I am a lost. I talk to him some last night and told him that I will find out what options we have. I also told him that running will make the situation worse. I am still concerned about the situation. I am really not sure what to do here.

Last night my son text me again telling me he's done with all of it. He asked me some questions about the police being called. He was being kind of vague about stuff, so I had my daughter text him to find out what's going. He told her that he's being treated like a slave and Janie threatened to break his face and his legs. Not too mention some other things, I called the police to have them go check. I got a call back from him crying after they left saying that they didn't do anything. He also said that father took his phone away and they said that he has it good there. I called the police back and they said there was no basis for concern. They told me that its normal for a parent to take a phone away from a child. I don't what's going on here. I do know that I have heard things going on myself. I going to have to go through the legal channels to do something about it since it looks like no one else is doing anything.

by on Jul. 18, 2010 at 11:19 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
debduran
by on Jul. 18, 2010 at 11:26 AM
Good luck. i know if you have a court order for visitation there is nothing dad or his girlfriend can do they have to put him on that plane. if they don't you can if you can afford it go get him with the cops and your court order on the visitation. and i believe if things are that bad you should be able go to the DA and get something to temporarly remove him from his dad house. once again not sure about that. I also know from experience the GF has no say over your son only you and his dad have the right to discipline.
cara124
by on Jul. 18, 2010 at 11:33 AM
call CPS in the town where they live and have them check in on the boy and fill with the courts so he can come live with you
momofne
by on Jul. 18, 2010 at 11:36 AM

Yes I would agree with the visitation being denied, there us nothing outside a court order that can stop him legally. I would try and find a lawyer, pay a small fee or find one that will consult you free and see what they think. This will give you a better idea of what you could do. Good luck  and keep us posted.

debbyp64
by on Jul. 18, 2010 at 3:12 PM

WHY DOES HE HAVE CUSTODY?

starchild321
by on Jul. 18, 2010 at 4:00 PM

Its a long story, but I will summarize it. We had a verbal argreement that he would take him for the summer, because I had a class at 8 in the morning.  The daycare was closer to him than me, I have 3 older kids that were in different daycares like summer school, headstart and CDC. He never gave him back, he then filed for custody. He harassed me, made threats repeatedly. He said he would take him out state and I wouldn't never see him again. He made threats against my other children. I was terrified of what he would next. This older woman told me that seeing my son part time would be better than seeing him at all.  I basically backed off. He was still calling and harassing even after that. A week later, my mother passed away. I needed to go back to Indiana. The calls stopped while I was there, After returning home and having the calls start up all over again, I choose to move back to Indiana. My older kids actually did better there. That wasn't easy, I spent a lot of time in the house in Indiana, crying over everything. Honestly, I felt like that one person who would understand inspite of our history was gone. That was my mother. My father put her through a similar situation. The two cases were similar except I was in foster care and I was taken. I was returned. But still I didn't want that to happen to my son, so when the statement was made, I took it seriously.  I learned later that I had more rights than I thought I had in that situation. I couldn't moved to another area of CA that would have been a toll call for them. Also I assumed that my son's father's roommate would be there, unfortunately, he passed away shortly after I left.

Edited: I want to add this. In spite of everything that happened in my early childhood, I have a great relationship with my father. I understand a lot more than what I did before especially watching history repeat itself. He even told that he made a bad decision in that one. He regrets getting caught more than anything, but he wants me to use the legal system. He told me to try legal aid here to see what they can do to help.

Quoting debbyp64:

WHY DOES HE HAVE CUSTODY?


MrsBLB
by Missi on Jul. 18, 2010 at 5:43 PM

bump 

Angiebooboo
by on Jul. 18, 2010 at 10:26 PM
what gives the gf the right to tell him what to do, she is only the girlfriend, I would make a call to cps in CA. they will look into it, and this will give him the chance to move with you. the girlfriend has no right use the CA. CPS. MAKE THE CALL.
girlintheflock
by on Jul. 19, 2010 at 9:38 AM
let me know what you do, cause i have a silimiar situation myself. **hugs** your not alone.
MrsDavid
by on Jul. 19, 2010 at 10:43 AM

Keep in mind that I am a step mom with a 15 year old step son living in my home full time with no visitation what-so-ever with his birth mother.

My SS is going through a very difficult time.  He is having a lot of typical teenaged angst nonsense. His father and I are on him a lot to straighten up. I am sure if he could, he too would be complaining to his birth mother about how horrid we are. His father and I have rules we expect followed and clear consequences we absolutely will follow through on if the rules are broken.  He doesn't like that, he's 15.  Teenagers push the boundaries.  It's how they learn.

I would wonder exactly how much your son is just balking at the rules?  I am sure if there were a relationship between my SS and his birth mother that he too would be complaining and wanting to run away.  Being in a step family situation offers kids unique ways to test boundaries, but also can allow them to house hop when they choose not to follow rules.

"Who can protest and does not is an accomplice in the act" Talmud


My disability is invisible....what's your excuse?  http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/

starchild321
by on Jul. 19, 2010 at 11:34 AM

Thanks, I know that. I think that I mentioned that in a normal situation, I would talk to his father and see what's going on. This isn't normal. Honestly this is worse because he paved the road for this one by minimizing my authority and among other things. Both father and girlfriend have done this for about 10 years now. They were relentless trying to distroy the relationship that my son and I have. I am sure that you would never tell your 15 yo stepson to cuss his mother out and I don't think your husband would either. My son, at 9 yo, was told to tell me that I was full of sh** because father wanted money that I didn't have. That time I was able to tell my son do not say that. Last time which was a few months ago, I didn't catch it in time. I just remember hearing my son asked his father afterwards, if he said it correctly. Anyway when it comes to punishment, we don't work together we work a part. I know kids do it anyway. They are less likely to get away with it, when parents work together. In this case, they will not include me in this process at all. When he's in trouble, normally, I can't talk to him. They take away visits and phone calls. He asked for me in the past and he got yelled at for it. Father and stepmother have spent years tryign to distroy the relationships. Its backfiring on them.

BTW I have heard how she relates to my son when she doesn't think that I was in hearshot. The adults were arguing and she called my son out of his name. She should be lucky I was in another state. It was uncalled for. I take a deep breath and asked my son if he remembered what I told him in a letter to do when he's upset. He recalled it back to me. This is when father was going to leave and bring my son to me then he changed his mind the day of the pending arrival.

Quoting MrsDavid:

Keep in mind that I am a step mom with a 15 year old step son living in my home full time with no visitation what-so-ever with his birth mother.

My SS is going through a very difficult time.  He is having a lot of typical teenaged angst nonsense. His father and I are on him a lot to straighten up. I am sure if he could, he too would be complaining to his birth mother about how horrid we are. His father and I have rules we expect followed and clear consequences we absolutely will follow through on if the rules are broken.  He doesn't like that, he's 15.  Teenagers push the boundaries.  It's how they learn.

I would wonder exactly how much your son is just balking at the rules?  I am sure if there were a relationship between my SS and his birth mother that he too would be complaining and wanting to run away.  Being in a step family situation offers kids unique ways to test boundaries, but also can allow them to house hop when they choose not to follow rules.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)