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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

What would you do & did I do the right thing?

Posted by on Jul. 19, 2010 at 3:22 PM
  • 12 Replies

My daughter 8 and son 12 & I were at a vacation bible school week ending event at the pool. One of my sons classmates, a girl which I think they might like eachother was there. He hasnt seen her but one other time at vbs earlier in the week since school got out in June. When it was time to go home everyone was being silly huggin eachother and the girl asked my son right in front of me to hug her. He said no I'm not going to do that. She kept begging him. Seeing he was uncomfortable & thinking about puberty & liking eachother I told the girl he wasn't allowed to hug any girls besides his mom and his little sister. She started to argue with me that they do it at school all the time. My closet friends chimed in and said no he is not allowed to. Did I do the right thing? Her mom is on my facebook page and she commented on how her daughter & him were at the pool together the whole time. Should I start talking to her about this relationship that might start budding or just let it be? I tried to talk to him today and asked him if he understood why I said that. I started tallking about changes in the body and he clammed up and went in his room and closed the door. I guess my approch was the wrong one. I have asked him if he likes her and he has said no. I have seen in his yearbook that they like eachother, but he doesnt know that I know they like eachother or that I read it in his yearbook. (he asked me not to read it) I have told him no girls right now because I want him to focus on school. Since he was in kinergarten the girls just flock to him. How do I talk to him about this without him getting upset and walking away?

floating in pool

by on Jul. 19, 2010 at 3:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
momcat437
by on Jul. 19, 2010 at 3:32 PM

 There really isn't any best time to talk to kids about stuff like this, you just have to do it but do it as nicely as you can (not in front of his friends but you know that)--I think you did the right thing, and if it would make you feel better, talk to the girl's mother and explain why you think it's not appropriate.  You have every right to make that choice for him right now--and I also agree that he should focus on school and other things right now--girls will always be there!

jabs54
by on Jul. 19, 2010 at 3:44 PM

I would have just told him "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you but I don't think it is appropriate for you to be hugging a girl."  With that said, the kids at school and at church do hug each other.  I know some are against this but it is very common.  If you think he is already hugging this girl (or anyone else) at school I would sit down sometime soon and talk to him about respecting girls and to never hug someone with their permission.  If you do believe it is inappropriate for him to be hugging anyone I would just tell him that and why you believe that.  I would not say anything to the girl's mom. 

BoxerLove
by on Jul. 19, 2010 at 3:54 PM


Quoting jabs54:  With that said, the kids at school and at church do hug each other.  I know some are against this but it is very common.  If you think he is already hugging this girl (or anyone else) at school I would sit down sometime soon and talk to him about respecting girls and to never hug someone with their permission.  If you do believe it is inappropriate for him to be hugging anyone I would just tell him that and why you believe that. 

It's not that I dont allow him to hug girls or it is inappropriate, it's that there is a possibliity that they like eachother and with my son going through pueberty, I dont want to spark something between them in that manner. I saw that he was uncomfotable in that moment and that was the first thing that came to mind to protect him

bamababe1975
by on Jul. 19, 2010 at 4:19 PM

I think you handled it okay. I would've probably said something along the lines of how hugs are something that should be given because someone wants to give one, not because they're hounded for one, and that if someone says no to such a request, it's best to respect their wishes.

semazani
by on Jul. 19, 2010 at 4:22 PM

I would have simply told her she needed to respect my son's decision to say no at that time regardless of how many other times they have hugged. 

As far as talking to your son....we usually talk about that stuff in the car with them....they can't escape that way!  LOL

BoxerLove
by on Jul. 19, 2010 at 4:38 PM

Thanks for the different perspectives. And yes I do talk to him in the car. He askes why I do this to him. I think it is great cause they can't go anywhere and he knows it is just us. But I am finding it is getting harder to talk with him and he gets very upset as he gets older. I wish my husband would talk with him. Why is it the moms job??

Angiebooboo
by on Jul. 19, 2010 at 4:50 PM

I would of walked away as if I never heard a thing, they are teens!  let them breath, do you forget when you were a teen?

BoxerLove
by on Jul. 19, 2010 at 4:56 PM

Yeah thats the problem!! LOL

mumsy2three
by Shauna on Jul. 19, 2010 at 5:33 PM


Quoting bamababe1975:

I think you handled it okay. I would've probably said something along the lines of how hugs are something that should be given because someone wants to give one, not because they're hounded for one, and that if someone says no to such a request, it's best to respect their wishes.


queenanne
by on Jul. 20, 2010 at 12:52 AM

 I think you did the right thing.

I would like to turn this around.  What if it had been a daughter who was being hounded by a boy for a hug.  I think we are quick to step in to protect our daughters from unwanted physical interactions.  But, when it is our sons, we tend to minimize the situation.

Your son is only 12 years old.  He is still learning how to interact with people in general.......let alone giggly girls.  I think it was totally appropriate to step in and help him out.






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