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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Do you think my daughter is a "slut"?

Posted by on Aug. 11, 2010 at 11:13 AM
  • 33 Replies

My 13 year old daughter is being labeled a slut by her once best friend for a poor judgement choice of what to wear in a pool. She was at a sleepover at another friends house and she forgot her bathing suit, so she swam in a bra, tank top and shorts. The weight of the water kept pulling her tank top down, and her bra kept showing, so her friend said, "why don't you just take off the tank top, it's just like swimming in a bathing suit top anyway:, so my daughter did. The bras I buy her are very padded and cover her up more than any bathing suit top she or anybody else for that matter owns.  The subject came up at a party at my house behind my daughter's back and her "best friend" and this girl were talking about it and the "best friend" started saying what a slut she is and she is going around telling everyone that my daughter is a slut. My daughter has never had a boyfriend, never kissed or touched a boy for that matter, while this girl has had many. Last summer, at the age of 12, this girl made out with a boy in a closet at camp, "tongued" a boy on the school bus, kissed a boy at a dance the night she met him, then met him the next day in the street and kissed him again. She's had several boyfriends and says my daughter is just jealous because the gets more guys than her. My daughter gets many offers, but politely declines out of respect for me because she is not allowed to date yet.

Although I am not "thrilled" by my daughters choice in the pool, mainly because of girls like this talking, I don't believe it at all warrants what my daughter is going through. This other girl has gone to everyone my daughter knows calling her a slut, and I feel she has ruined her reputation and it is going to be very difficult to walk back into school when it starts not knowing who thinks she is a slut or not. My daughter does not like drama and is terrified of confrontation, and has always been a good girl and very loyal to her friends, never doing anything to intentionally hurt them.

by on Aug. 11, 2010 at 11:13 AM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Aug. 11, 2010 at 11:16 AM

To me a slut isn't what you wear.  Its the girls that sleep with every guy they see. 

charlotsomtimes
by on Aug. 11, 2010 at 11:40 AM

That sucks.  Unfortunately, it sounds like normal teen girl crap :(

I would let her know that doing what she did in NO WAY makes her a slut and that the "best friend" is really not that at all. Girls are so mean at this age and unfortunately your dauughter is on the awful end of it at the moment. Tell her to hold her head high and not stoop to the level of this other girl. I would advise her to just try to ignore the girl as best she can at this point. Your daughter did nothing wrong

teen girls can be horrible to one another :(

ejwhite_99
by Bronze Member on Aug. 11, 2010 at 11:50 AM

Just remind your daughter that people often times talk about others to cover up their own insecurities.  They also talk about people they are jealous of.  Also, encourage her not to give in to the drama but to be proud of who she is and know that, bad choice or not, she did nothing wrong. 

I'm almost 40 and still trying to figure out the difference between a 2pc. bathing suit bra and a regular bra.  Some woman freak at the idea of being seen in their bra but will sport a 2pc. in a heartbeat.

charlotsomtimes
by on Aug. 11, 2010 at 11:52 AM


Quoting ejwhite_99:

Just remind your daughter that people often times talk about others to cover up their own insecurities.  They also talk about people they are jealous of.  Also, encourage her not to give in to the drama but to be proud of who she is and know that, bad choice or not, she did nothing wrong. 

I'm almost 40 and still trying to figure out the difference between a 2pc. bathing suit bra and a regular bra.  Some woman freak at the idea of being seen in their bra but will sport a 2pc. in a heartbeat.

exactly :)

KirllycatAgain
by on Aug. 11, 2010 at 11:57 AM

Obviously we as adults know what is really going on. The "best friend" has questionable morals, and knows your daughter does not. Any opportunity that the "best friend" can take to make her self look "excused" and your dauther look like the bad one is going to happen. Unfortunately all we can do is tell our children that they just have to stand up for themselves, and their true friends will take their side. It is a hard lesson to learn. On the other hand your daughter could stoop to posting a MySpace or Facebook blog about how she doesn't understand why her best friend would say such a thing about her when all she did was swim in her bra, yet NOT saying anything derrogatory about the other person. Maybe childish, but this is how my 14 has dealt with rumors in the past.

KirllycatAgain
by on Aug. 11, 2010 at 11:59 AM

NO bashings. I was just saying.....(up there, my other post)

jinxmom
by Bronze Member on Aug. 11, 2010 at 12:50 PM


Quoting charlotsomtimes:

 

Quoting ejwhite_99:

Just remind your daughter that people often times talk about others to cover up their own insecurities.  They also talk about people they are jealous of.  Also, encourage her not to give in to the drama but to be proud of who she is and know that, bad choice or not, she did nothing wrong. 

I'm almost 40 and still trying to figure out the difference between a 2pc. bathing suit bra and a regular bra.  Some woman freak at the idea of being seen in their bra but will sport a 2pc. in a heartbeat.

exactly :)


blakeandbailey
by on Aug. 11, 2010 at 12:52 PM


Quoting KirllycatAgain:

NO bashings. I was just saying.....(up there, my other post)


Thanks, I thought of that too, no names or anything, just to clear herself, but my daughter is so afraid that people will turn against her anyway, and this other girl has brought so many people into this, people whom she knows doesn't like my daughter just to make herself stronger and also people who are close to my family, and hopefully they will use their best judgement.

Kriket2202
by on Aug. 11, 2010 at 12:59 PM

 I'm so sorry. I think your daughter was just trying to be comfortable while she swam. The other girl sounds like she's calling your daughter names so that she won't be called one. I think you should call the girl's mother and let her know about her behaviour both towards your daughter and with boys.

Jess0915
by on Aug. 11, 2010 at 1:01 PM

Ugh! I feel so bad for your daughter! How awful she must feel.

I think the best course of action is for her to go into school, head held high, knowing she did nothing wrong. If anyone says anything, she should shrug is off as nothing and tell what really happened (if she feels the need, she really doesn't have to explain though). She was covered! She didn't even do anything with a boy, so what she was wearing had nothing to do with being a "slut" anyway. She might want to remind them how immature they're being.

Girls this age can be so cruel and snotty. The drama will die down, your daughter may have to endure a few comments and being looked at a little  funny, but if she keeps on about her business like normal they will realize it was just hype and then I'm sure some newer drama will come along and no one will remember this!

Good luck to her, if nothing else, this experience will build her character and show her who her true friends are! 


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