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So my 14 year-old son tells me his friend has had sex.....

Posted by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 9:38 AM
  • 14 Replies

My son told me this morning that his friend (who is like a son to me) had sex with his girlfriend already (he's 15). I don't think it's a situation where my son's "friend" is really my son, because my son is very open with me in general, and has expressed his feelings on premarital sex. We've talked to him many times on the subject, and If I'm being nieve then I guess all a parent can do is pray...I am however concerned for the other boy, and since I know his family life I know that if I told his mother that I'd only get him in trouble, and they already treat him badly as it is. Not sure what to do, or if I should do anything at all? 

by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 9:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
DavBryMom
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 9:43 AM
I wouldn't say anything. I may talk to the child if you have a close relationship, but other than that I wouldn't say anything since it is not your family.
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lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Sep. 28, 2010 at 9:51 AM

Nothing.You can ask your son to talk to his buddy about using condoms.much more than that is crosssing the line because this CHILD isn't your son.

amberdy
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 9:58 AM

I don't feel it is your place to do anything.  He is not your child.

momofne
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 10:53 AM

I agree...

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

Nothing.You can ask your son to talk to his buddy about using condoms.much more than that is crosssing the line because this CHILD isn't your son.


bugslady96
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 11:26 AM

Thank you all for the thoughts, I think I figured as much myself, but sometimes it helps to hear other views.

shell81
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 12:08 PM

 

Quoting momofne:

I agree...

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

Nothing.You can ask your son to talk to his buddy about using condoms.much more than that is crosssing the line because this CHILD isn't your son.


 I agree too!

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earthangel1967
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 2:08 PM

THIS

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

Nothing.You can ask your son to talk to his buddy about using condoms.much more than that is crosssing the line because this CHILD isn't your son.


MistyandZoesMom
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 3:27 PM

There is nothing for you to do in this case since you are sure your son's "friend" is actually his friend and not a cover for himself.  You have heard from your son that his friend is now sexually active, however in reality you have no idea if he is or not.  Some boys will brag about this or tell a best buddy an exaggerated tale.  It is certainly possible things are just as you believe them to be, but be aware they may not be as well. 

bugslady96
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 3:43 PM

Also very true! Good point!  

annie2244
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 5:38 PM

If the kid was over at my house pretty often and I had a nice relationship with him I would address it indirectly by encouraging him to talk about what his hopes are for his future and help him scheme a road to it. My contention is you're less likely to take the risk of being a young parent if you've got a clear and cool plan for your own future, which would be derailed by having to pay child support or do dad duty.

I'd have loads of more talks and supervision with my son if he was close friends with this kid. Behaviors of close companions tends to rub off, even if the kids initially have divergent views on things. By hanging with this kid, your kid may soon get pressure to start getting some action with the girls these kids are hanging with, who apparently are finding self worth through sex. That's a lot of pressure for any boy, regardless of his intentions to not engage in sex in hs.

Along that same line, I think I'd encourage my son to sign up for stuff that might gain him some other options for friends. Not at the exclusion of any time with this boy, but to give him more positive friend choices to veer toward should he start feeling like the values and pastimes chosen by this boy are no longer comfortable for him. The company you keep does have an influence, to make it easy for your kid to keep making the right choices, I'd have him spend time with kids who are living the life you approve of.

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