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To attend or not to attend homecoming with boyfriend's friend? UPDATE!!!!

Posted by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 2:44 PM
  • 10 Replies

DD and her BF of 7 months are seniors in HS.  He HATES going to dances of any type and REFUSED to take her to JR. Prom this past spring.  Several young men asked her, but she kindly turned them down  as it did not feel right to her to go with someone other than BF.  Well, now that she is a senior, she would very much like to attend a homecoming dance; BF refuses to go but has told her she is free to go as he wants her to be happy. 

Tonight, the BF's friend asked DD if she & the BF were going to Homecoming.  She told him what BF said about it.  SOOOO, BF's  friend asked DD to go with him.  They both agreed that they would go just as friends that wanted to experience Homecoming, and nothing more. 

The friend does not want to tell the BF.  DD says they must tell the BF, but to wait until right before the event.

1) Given what BF told DD, do you think it is ok for DD to go to the dance?

2) Would you or  wouldn't you tell the BF? If yes, when would you tell?

                                      
UPDATE:

Thank you for all the replies and advice.  Yes, DD will be attending the Homecoming with BF's friend.  She has not told BF but wants to wait a couple of more weeks as dance is mid-November.

In reply to some who have questioned why BF's friend is hesitant to tell BF about taking DD to homecoming,the friend is afraid BF will get mad at him (and they are close friends toot)  BF's friend was one of the young men who asked DD to JR. Prom this past spring and when BF found out, he was upset.  BF's friend said he was asking DD because he knew she really wanted to go and BF would not take her.  Yes, BF has the funds to attend these events but chooses not to because he HATES these type of functions.

So, now that you know there is a history of BF's friend asking DD out, does it cause you to change your original thoughts on when to tell BF? Do you still think sooner is better than later?

by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 2:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ECMOM970
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 2:47 PM

BF needs to grow up and be a man...it is not always about what he wants! This realtionship will not last I am afraid...as he is being selfsih!

DavBryMom
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 3:50 PM
Ditto.


Quoting ECMOM970:

BF needs to grow up and be a man...it is not always about what he wants! This realtionship will not last I am afraid...as he is being selfsih!


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Ang3lmomma
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 3:56 PM

If bf won't go she has a right to go with someone else, or by herself. However if bf's friend keeps asking her to go to dances with him, knowing bf will get angry, it will probably cause a big problem. If they have nothing to hide why not just tell the bf? Get it over with so she doesn't have to think about it.

NearSeattleMom
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 4:41 PM

The boyfriend sounds like kind of a jerk if they are afraid to tell him because he'll get mad. 

But I hope your daughter gets to enjoy homecoming one way or another.

trhender
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 5:27 PM


Quoting ECMOM970:

BF needs to grow up and be a man...it is not always about what he wants! This realtionship will not last I am afraid...as he is being selfsih!

I have to agree.  But there is nothing you or your daughter can do about her BF's actions.  I think that she should still go with the BF's friend.  And they still need to tell him ASAP.  That way if there is any drama, it is all taken care of now, and not right before the dance!

The BF said she can go with someone else.  He cannot tell her she can go with someone else, but put stipulations on who that someone else can be.  If he is, then he needs to man up and take her himself.

fammatthews4
by Trisha on Sep. 28, 2010 at 6:21 PM

honestly to me the longer they wait the more it may seem to BF that they are trying to hide something.  I still think that sooner is better.

DavBryMom
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 9:08 PM
Yes... sooner the better.


Quoting fammatthews4:

honestly to me the longer they wait the more it may seem to BF that they are trying to hide something.  I still think that sooner is better.


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drfink
by Emily on Sep. 28, 2010 at 9:57 PM

I am glad she is going.Just be honest ASAP and if BF doesn't like it that is too bad.They aren't married or even engaged so if things don't work out well that is what dating is for to learn the qualities that are important.BF sounds  selfish ,she skipped Jr.Prom now this year it is his turn to step up.

shell81
by on Sep. 28, 2010 at 11:10 PM

 I still think sooner is better!

MrsBLB
by on Sep. 29, 2010 at 4:59 PM

So do I. 

Quoting shell81:

 I still think sooner is better!

 

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