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I want to scream!!!!

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 9:36 PM
  • 10 Replies

 

   I just got a message from my son's engish teacher telling me he failed his first semester.  I am so mad at him I could scream.  Of course I can not talk to him because this week he is at his fathers.  He has been struggling for a while with doing his homework and studying.  He says he has it all under control, but I can only do so much because his father does not communicate with me.  So many things go through my head.  Is he being lazy? Does he have a learning disability? Is he just not a good student?  I know high school is an adjustment, but  I don't know what else to do.  He is grounded from everything except reading.  Am I stressing to much? Not enough?  Anybody in the same boat as me?

by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 9:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bluelola
by Member on Dec. 9, 2010 at 10:25 PM

I would be upset too.  What grade is he in?  Does he live with his father full time?  His dad needs to get on board with you.  If he is grounded, how do you enforce it if he is at his dad's?  Hopefully his father is as concerned as you are.  Your son might say he has it all under control, but he obviously does not if he is failing his first semester.  You are not stressing too much.  Keep being concerned and hopefully things turn around. 

Jess0915
by on Dec. 9, 2010 at 10:28 PM
My thoughs exactly.
Good luck mama.


Quoting bluelola:

I would be upset too.  What grade is he in?  Does he live with his father full time?  His dad needs to get on board with you.  If he is grounded, how do you enforce it if he is at his dad's?  Hopefully his father is as concerned as you are.  Your son might say he has it all under control, but he obviously does not if he is failing his first semester.  You are not stressing too much.  Keep being concerned and hopefully things turn around. 

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NearSeattleMom
by on Dec. 10, 2010 at 12:50 AM

Did he do okay until this year? 

shell81
by on Dec. 10, 2010 at 1:17 AM

 Bump for more info about what was asked above!

Shelbegto
by on Dec. 10, 2010 at 3:09 AM

You could have him checked for learning disability. I have talked to other mothers around where I live & this seams to happen from 7th grade up. I also talked to a teacher she said they hit that age  she has seen this with many kids in that age group. My son was doing the same thing as yours it is very stressful. Now we have to baby sit him his grades we are in touch with his teachers. I do wish you the best of luck.

MichelleMc
by on Dec. 10, 2010 at 7:08 AM

I have to say, I can't imagine a learning disability just appearing in high school. If he made it all the way to high school with no concerns, I really don't see how it would just appear.

I think alot of issues come from kids not learning good study skills. They kind of fly by the seat of their pants in the younger years, when it comes time to really have to study, be their own person, the teach isn't "handing" them all the study material anymore. They bomb. Has nothing to do with an LD ( which doesn't mean, couldn't just do good all of us a sudden ).

Also, they are starting to think independence, hanging out with friends is more important, talking with friends is more important, they forget to write down what the teacher said to do so then, once they get home, they totally forget, instead of focusing on homework first. Especially things over the weekend. What chapters was I to read? Pop Quiz on Monday, failed. It is really that simple.

It is hard that you are dealing with two households too. But for sure, make him start writing down assigments, first thing he does, does nothing else til it is done. Some people say, they need a break, blah blah. Yeah, then they forget what they were to do, or you are too busy, etc. You realize at 10p that 2 chapters need read.

Go over participation too. Alot of grades in high school go by attendance & participation in class. What those grades too.

cab128
by on Dec. 10, 2010 at 7:36 AM

 

Quoting MichelleMc:

I have to say, I can't imagine a learning disability just appearing in high school. If he made it all the way to high school with no concerns, I really don't see how it would just appear.

They can and do.  There are "adult onset" disabilities.  One of them being ADD or ADHD.  My daughter started struggling tremendously freshman year of high school.  Up until that point had been pretty much a straight A student.  It was not until Freshman year of college that we figured out it was ADD causing an issue.  Part of the problem is from middle school on things are written off as being a "teenage thing" or they are acting up, etc.  because that isn't always what is happening.  And because sometimes they don't get that there is something wrong they say (my daughter did constantly) that the "teacher doesn't like me", or, "I don't get it", or, "Don't worry mom, I have it under control".  Because they're embarrassed or confused about what is happening too.

I would ask the teacher some questions.  First off  - why did they wait until he failed the class to contact you???  That seems a bit odd.  He had to have been struggling the entire time.  It's rather hard in high school to fail these days unless you are not turning in your homework and also failing tests/quizzes because you usually get credit for at least turning in your work.

With that said - is he doing poorly in all of his classes or just English?  Does he have "things" that he does - like do his homework at home and then not turn it in?  Have a hard time reading?  Has his personality changed at all since starting high school?  Yes, I'd be very angry that he failed but I'd be looking to see if there is a reason for that other than him just being a rebelious teen.  Although that is definitely a possibility that is not always the case.

Good luck!!!

MichelleMc
by on Dec. 10, 2010 at 1:06 PM

 

Quoting cab128:

 

Quoting MichelleMc:

I have to say, I can't imagine a learning disability just appearing in high school. If he made it all the way to high school with no concerns, I really don't see how it would just appear.

They can and do.  There are "adult onset" disabilities.  One of them being ADD or ADHD.  My daughter started struggling tremendously freshman year of high school.  Up until that point had been pretty much a straight A student.  It was not until Freshman year of college that we figured out it was ADD causing an issue.  Part of the problem is from middle school on things are written off as being a "teenage thing" or they are acting up, etc.  because that isn't always what is happening.  And because sometimes they don't get that there is something wrong they say (my daughter did constantly) that the "teacher doesn't like me", or, "I don't get it", or, "Don't worry mom, I have it under control".  Because they're embarrassed or confused about what is happening too.

Everything I have read says that it doesn't just appear. That they have always struggled with it, usually being mis or undiagnosed. So I didn't know. And still, it really just seems unlikely to never have one problem in any subject at all, then have ADD or learning disabilities just appear. You can say teenage issues but they aren't just going to give good grades to wave away that it is teenage issues.

But that aside, LOL. I said having a hard time imagining that a learning disability just appeared. Learning disability & ADD are two different things.

Though, I can see Vision problems for sure doing this. Which is commonly misdiagnosed as ADD or LD. Especially when the problem is english ( spelling, writing, reading ) or Math ( Memorizing math facts, doing math in your head, seeing numbers wrong or backwards without having a full dyslexia diagnosis )

 Michelle Proud Mom of an Only Child By Choice


Proud Eagle Ranked Boy Scout,Venture Scout,USPSA Shooting,Vol Jr Firefighter & Scottish Drummer Mom! Proud Navy Submarine Disabled Vet & Vol Firefighters Wife! 

atlmom2
by Susie on Dec. 10, 2010 at 3:34 PM

Do you have grades online where you can see and look all the time if he is doing his work.  Has he struggled before now or just now.  Has he failed before?  Not doing homework is ground for losing everything in our house.  You can't go anywhere and do anything.  Getting an F isn't an option in our home in any class. 

cab128
by on Dec. 11, 2010 at 8:34 AM

 

Quoting MichelleMc:

 

Quoting cab128:

 

Quoting MichelleMc:

I have to say, I can't imagine a learning disability just appearing in high school. If he made it all the way to high school with no concerns, I really don't see how it would just appear.

They can and do.  There are "adult onset" disabilities.  One of them being ADD or ADHD.  My daughter started struggling tremendously freshman year of high school.  Up until that point had been pretty much a straight A student.  It was not until Freshman year of college that we figured out it was ADD causing an issue.  Part of the problem is from middle school on things are written off as being a "teenage thing" or they are acting up, etc.  because that isn't always what is happening.  And because sometimes they don't get that there is something wrong they say (my daughter did constantly) that the "teacher doesn't like me", or, "I don't get it", or, "Don't worry mom, I have it under control".  Because they're embarrassed or confused about what is happening too.

Everything I have read says that it doesn't just appear. That they have always struggled with it, usually being mis or undiagnosed. So I didn't know. And still, it really just seems unlikely to never have one problem in any subject at all, then have ADD or learning disabilities just appear. You can say teenage issues but they aren't just going to give good grades to wave away that it is teenage issues.

But that aside, LOL. I said having a hard time imagining that a learning disability just appeared. Learning disability & ADD are two different things.

Though, I can see Vision problems for sure doing this. Which is commonly misdiagnosed as ADD or LD. Especially when the problem is english ( spelling, writing, reading ) or Math ( Memorizing math facts, doing math in your head, seeing numbers wrong or backwards without having a full dyslexia diagnosis )

 Interesting - according to the Psychology Department at Western Kentucky University where my daughter was evaluated and to our local family physician - ADD and ADHD can be adult onset.

I guess they could be completely wrong.....  

And maybe I worded it incorrectly by saying "disabilities" in the first sentance.  My point is that all avenues should be considered - not just simply thinking the the kid is misbehaving - having dealt with a child that struggled tremendously through high school and being the one that accused her of misbehaving.

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