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Very hurt and upset by my son's harsh words *UPDATE*

Posted by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 11:06 PM
  • 15 Replies

 Well, 1st see my post from earlier...

http://www.cafemom.com/group/101187/forums/read/13701244/Oh_tricky_teen_son_Im_so_much_wiser_than_you_know?ct=wdg_my_posts

Well, my son came home from being out with his friends and skipping school. He immedietely fed me a lie to excuse why he didn't come home. I told him I knew where he had been and to be honest. He still lied. So when I called him out on it, he finally fessed up. He got offended that I accused him of lying about not knowing there was school today. I still think that was an act. I sent him to his room to gather his electronic items, IPOD, DVD player, game consoles etc. He started yelling and cursing at me etc. I told him I was gonna give him a 10 minute time out to collect himself. I went back in 20 mins actually and had my SO leave us in private so he didn't feel ganged up on. I calmly tried to explain again why he was in trouble etc. He went off on me. Repeatedly. He called me a bad mother, said I treat him like shit. He said how much he hated living with us and how terrible we are etc. The thing is, this is not how my son behaves or talks to me. He's not one of those out of control teens that you just roll your eyes at and walk away. He really really said some mean and hurtful things to me. I wanted so badly to just react. But I just let him off load onto me. I would respond with "I'm very sorry you feel that way." or "I'm sad that you see it that way because I don't" etc. And every time he used it as an opportunity to insult me or attack me. I somehow left his room with a straight face but the moment the door shut, I lost it. (silently somehow). My SO saw me and led me to my room because I couldn't even pull my hands from my face. Now I am so hurt/angry and even sad for him. I am so mixed with emotions. I don't think he even cares how much he hurt me. I want to think he feels bad but honestly I think he could care less. Ugg, I don't even know what I'm looking for from you guys... I feel just lost right now.

***UPDATE****

So, I just now today finally had a semi-sit down with my son. I chose not to talk to him immediately. I wanted him to fully understand how hurt I am.

So when he was talking to me about what possessed him to go off on me the way he did, he actually suggested a withdrawal from his medication. Which, I hadn't even thought of. He takes Concerta which for those of you that don't know is basically a form of Ritalin. He takes it for his ADHD and had missed a couple of days because he hadn't been home.

He's grounded to his room for 2 weeks for the misbehavior prior to his outburst. Considering this coming week is spring break... It's pretty bad for him. He also has no electronic items so all he has is his thoughts and books. He's feeling pretty low, but I'm putting my foot down. I did make sure he knows how much I love him and that there is nothing he will ever do to change that... Thanks for all the support ladies. I was feeling horrid.

by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 11:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
camarolady
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 11:11 PM

sending you a warm hug from cali just went thru something like this am w my twin teen daughters so i hear ya totally on this, add me if you want and we can chat off the board, many blessings your way lady stay strong it will get bettergood luck

Wyndi
by on Mar. 28, 2011 at 11:42 PM

 stay strong mama. What you did was the right thing. Its not easy being a mom to teens when they act like this. My son tried it with me and did not like my reaction at all. It took him almost a year to earn all his things back. He now knows what to expect and does not push me to that limit.

We are here for you

Hi I'm Wyndi. I live in a small villiage in Ohio. I've met the Villiage Idiot and wish his villiage would come claim him.

sunny1961
by on Mar. 29, 2011 at 12:03 AM

I have to play "bad guy" here, and I hope you know I am not trying to hurt you more, but have you considered having your son drug-tested? The behaviors you are describing, the lying, sneaking around, and "abusive" words are symptoms and in my opinion is reason enough to find out! I just went through the same thing - and the sudden change in my son's behavior was just what you described.  I know this something that none of us mothers want to think about, but it is a very real possibility anytime our kids are away from us.

02nana07
by on Mar. 29, 2011 at 1:01 AM

 I agree with this, it is something to look into, good luck I hope things get better

Quoting sunny1961:

I have to play "bad guy" here, and I hope you know I am not trying to hurt you more, but have you considered having your son drug-tested? The behaviors you are describing, the lying, sneaking around, and "abusive" words are symptoms and in my opinion is reason enough to find out! I just went through the same thing - and the sudden change in my son's behavior was just what you described.  I know this something that none of us mothers want to think about, but it is a very real possibility anytime our kids are away from us.

 

misskimi78
by on Mar. 29, 2011 at 1:26 AM

 My son has had issues last school year through the summer with marijuana abuse. And as far as I knew, it was a thing of the past. My SO and I have noticed some similar behaviors recently that remind me of when he was smoking weed. Tonight, my 14 yr old basically told me that my older son has admitted to drinking several times when he goes over to the guy's house where he was at this weekend. So now, I'm stuck knowing this info about him drinking and I don't feel like I should tell him that his younger brother told me. How do I address it, without telling him how I found out.

Quoting sunny1961:

I have to play "bad guy" here, and I hope you know I am not trying to hurt you more, but have you considered having your son drug-tested? The behaviors you are describing, the lying, sneaking around, and "abusive" words are symptoms and in my opinion is reason enough to find out! I just went through the same thing - and the sudden change in my son's behavior was just what you described.  I know this something that none of us mothers want to think about, but it is a very real possibility anytime our kids are away from us.

 

sunny1961
by on Mar. 29, 2011 at 1:36 AM


Quoting misskimi78:

 My son has had issues last school year through the summer with marijuana abuse. And as far as I knew, it was a thing of the past. My SO and I have noticed some similar behaviors recently that remind me of when he was smoking weed. Tonight, my 14 yr old basically told me that my older son has admitted to drinking several times when he goes over to the guy's house where he was at this weekend. So now, I'm stuck knowing this info about him drinking and I don't feel like I should tell him that his younger brother told me. How do I address it, without telling him how I found out.

Quoting sunny1961:

I have to play "bad guy" here, and I hope you know I am not trying to hurt you more, but have you considered having your son drug-tested? The behaviors you are describing, the lying, sneaking around, and "abusive" words are symptoms and in my opinion is reason enough to find out! I just went through the same thing - and the sudden change in my son's behavior was just what you described.  I know this something that none of us mothers want to think about, but it is a very real possibility anytime our kids are away from us.

 

I would just simply tell him that his behavior has been completely "out of whack" lately, and that this is what you THINK. As long as you throw it back on HIS behavior, he has no reason to think it came from his brother.  But, beware that if confronted, he willprobably still deny it. I was able to get my son to fess up aobut the marijuana, but he is still denying the alcohol, but he also knows we don't believe him because of the fact that there is only three of us living in this house, and if it isn't my husband or I drinking it, then it only leaves him (or him and his buddies). In my opinion (and experiences) the behavior you described goes WAY BEYOND typical teenage behavior, and I would certainly do whatever it takes to get to the bottom of it. Is his school district one that does random drug testing? If so, maybe they can lend you a hand with the testing? I don't know what to tell you to do.....I took my son to a local adolescent psychiatric hospital - but it was because my son is also suffering depression from grief and being bullied in school and was making threats of hurting some of the kids in school (not killing, just beating them up). The hospital does drug testing upon assessments, so he was nailed to the wall whether he would have admitted it or not.

jo.smith
by on Mar. 29, 2011 at 12:05 PM

I am so sorry that things went down this way.  You did the right thing though, so please stay strong.  I agree with the others that there is something else going on since you say that he has never been like this before.  I suggest you get him into counseling of some type so that you can figure out what is bothering him.  Good luck Momma!  ((HUGS))

maryro
by on Mar. 29, 2011 at 2:31 PM

I know what you are going thru. My son does the same and I don't know who to turn to because I am a single mom and the father doesn't care and has his own life

marney.p
by on Mar. 29, 2011 at 7:30 PM

How is he going at school? Try to look at the entire picture. Often when these things are happening they are struggling in the school environment. I went through these things and then found a new school for him. Where he does well and the other aggresive behaviours stopped. He also began to mature.

Hang in there. Feel free to vent on here I know I did.

Sandyr911
by on Mar. 29, 2011 at 7:49 PM

For one thing id put my big foot down over the cussing at me.  NOT HAPPENING.

Next i agree with PP about drug testing him due to his attitude.  And id tell him if he thinks its bad now to keep it up because there are sooooo many things u can still do to make his life hell.....lol

(((Hugs))) I dont envy u for sure.

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