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need advice about 14yr old daughter help UPDATE IN RED

Posted by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 8:29 PM
  • 18 Replies

so i feel like idk where to ask for this advice but from this group..ok my daughter is 14..shes not sexually active yet ( talks about it alot though) she now has a bf who attends the same school hes 16..well heres my questions. how would you feel about your 14 soon to be 15 yr old in june going out with a 16 yr old boy who drives?hes willing to meet me and she will be meeting his mom..but idk n if i decided to get her on the pill before she acts on anything how do i do this do i go to the ped or a gyn...im just confused..some advice please

update..we have met her bf n his family hes very respectful n he has ben to our house as well as her to his there never alone either parents or friends are with them..i have talked to her about sex and such and she isnt now but i have decided to put er on birth control just incase that time does come along.she is going to see me ob-gyn next week..thank you for your advice ill update again after she sees the gyn..

by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 8:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ferrellmt
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 8:34 PM

brother, i will be watching this post ot get ideas. my 13 yo may need to go on the pill too. she is very sexually curious, and has had at least one encounter (no intercourse) and I am freaked out. of course i am acting calm around her, but this is ridiculous,. she is 13!!!!

i am in a quandry too.

MistyLopez
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 8:42 PM

Is hse on anything (Birth Conrol wise)? She may already be on it. I was I got it free from the local health clinic. However if not it's not somthing you want to force her to take eathier it may back fire.

atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 13, 2011 at 8:53 PM

Never ever would my 14 yo be out of my sight with a 16 yo boyfriend. 

FabDarling
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 8:58 PM

 they're only 2 years apart.  in high schools you got sometimes a whole 5-6 year age gap roaming the halls together.

i say don't judge till you have a reason to.  talk to her about him, meet him, be straight up front with them about your reservations.......but give him a chance.

also, one on one talk to your daughter openly about sex and birth control.  the fact is that no matter how close you are or what she says' she ain't gonna do yet......in the heat of a moment you just never know.  better safe than sorry.

sunny1961
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 9:00 PM

I don't see an issue with her dating him, as long as they are with adults all the time. The four of you could go to movies, skating, whatever. I would not allow them out of sight. Have him over once or twice a week to watch a movie, play cards - never behind closed doors. It will gve them a chance to really get to know each other, and for you to get to know him as well!

atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 13, 2011 at 9:06 PM

I agree.  Mine couldn't car date at all until 16.  Just like my parents were with me.  I never had sex in HS though and didn't want to either.  Things are different now though. 

Quoting sunny1961:

I don't see an issue with her dating him, as long as they are with adults all the time. The four of you could go to movies, skating, whatever. I would not allow them out of sight. Have him over once or twice a week to watch a movie, play cards - never behind closed doors. It will gve them a chance to really get to know each other, and for you to get to know him as well!


                


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kathier
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 10:52 PM

I went through almost the same when my ODD was 16 and her BF was 19 and drove.  It was allowed only if she was in the house at 10pm, no excuses and I had to know wherever she was.  When she was 16 1/2 she asked to go on birth control, she said she wasn't sexually active yet.  Well I went to her pedritican and we asked about the pill and believe it or not he denied her since she was not sexually active, so I took her to Planned Parenthood.  They "dated" on and off until 6 months ago.  Now she is dating a great guy that treats her like gold.

My advice with her being 14 is if they date they  have to be under adult supervision and if she requests it talk with her doctor, a gyn or planned parenthood.  Good Luck

dmkitchen
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 11:07 PM

i will bekepin a close eye on this. i have a 13yr old who is talking to everyone but me about sex. i dont know what to do. so any advice will be helpful. i swear i'm gn crazy

Sandyr911
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 11:09 PM

My DD would not and will not be "dating" until she is 16.  Ive already discussed the "implanon" birth control with her.  Its not that I condone her having sex but ill be damned if some sneaky boy is gonna tell her he loves her just to get in her pants and dumps her with a baby.

I do my damndest to talk to her about everything but when so many other kids at school think its cool to be having sex at 13 and i even saw one who said on her facebook "Just because Ive slept with 12 guys doesnt make me a slut"  I want to say no honey it makes you a full fledged whore.  We have to protect our kids every way we can.

My DD is VERY immature because of her aspergers and that scares me even more for her safety in certain situations.

ferrellmt
by on Apr. 13, 2011 at 11:29 PM

okay. talked with my dd 13 tonight. pros and cons of sex and bc pills and boys...so little understanding on her part. she went upstairs. when she came down, this is what i said.

me: hey,do you think I should build a fire here? (on couch)

she: no. what the heck?

me: well maybe i can build a fire here or there? (floor or table top) what do you think?

she:okay, where are you going with this?

me: can i build a fire in thre fireplace?

she:yeah

me: what happens if I build a fire that is not in the fireplace?

she:its a mess

me: its destructive.  see, if i build a fire in a fireplace or a campfire ring, the fire is good. its good for cooking, staying warm, singing around...but a fire outside of those places is destructive and a mess. Sex is like fire. in the right places, a marriage, a committed adult relationship, it is good, and helpful, but when sex is not contained like that, it is a mess and destructive. do you see?

she: yes. i see.

so, ladies we will see how that settles in....PS we live in a place where we see forest fires destroy acres and acres and burn for a month....

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