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Is giving away my DD's puppy for punishment to severe?

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 Hi Ladies:

 

My DD was caught shoplifting last night at our local Walmart.  She and her BF had gone to the store to pickup a couple of items using my debit card.  I get a call from the BF telling me the store manager needs to see me immediately.   I go into the store's office where the manager, undercover officer, security officer and my DD are waiting.  I was informed that my DD tried to steal 3 bras.  Her BF was not in trouble, b/c he did know she was doing this - so my DD says.  The store did not press charges, however she will have to pay a fine and probably some community services work, in addition she is banned from ALL Walmart and Sam's Club stores for 1 year.  If she is caught even in the parking lot she will be arrested for criminal trespassing.

Well. my DH, who normally doesnt takes a stand when it comes to punishments has now decided he wants total control over this.  He has decided our DD can no longer see her BF and, we have a puppy that we got a week ago, he wants to get rid of it.  Of course, the obvious punishments have been given - taking the TV from her, no going anywhere, etc. 

She is going to counseling for other various issues and she will continue.  Also, I think getting her involved with some type of volunteer work would be beneficial  She does work part-time, so she will keep her job to pay the fine. 

I don't want to get rid of the puppy, how do I handle this with my DH, or is he right in doing this?

Pawlees

shrugging

 

by on Oct. 24, 2011 at 12:38 PM
Replies (131-140):
fullxbusymom
by Bronze Member on Oct. 26, 2011 at 6:20 PM

Sorry a pet is for life and not a piece of furniture you can just give away.  Seriously if that is even an option then you guys should never be pet owners.  

Would you give your daughter away, because she didn't behave, well of course not.  The puppy should fall under the same mindset.   

pinkcsmtlgy
by on Oct. 26, 2011 at 6:25 PM

Don't get rid of the puppy, it didn't do anything wrong. I agree your daughter should be grounded and for a long time. You and your husband need to be a team on this.

lilmyksmom
by on Oct. 26, 2011 at 6:26 PM

As unpopular as this is going to be, I agree with your husband.  I think your daughter needs a reality check, before she winds up in jail.  grounding and taking  cell phones and stuff isn't severe enough in my opinion.  I think you need to punish her as harshly as you possibly can, without being abusive, obviously.  This way, she can take her punishment in the safety of your loving home, not in a cell somewhere.  ... I don't think there is anything wrong with a good old fashioned spanking, even for a teen.  Sometimes we need to throw the whole "I want to be my kids friend" thing out the window in order to save them from themselves.

upsy_dayz
by on Oct. 26, 2011 at 6:26 PM
1 mom liked this
Its not that puppy's fault that your daughter shoplifted. Your family agreed to take responsibility for.him, agreed to take him in as a family member. You don't just get rid of that agreement. It's no one's place to tell you how to raise your daughter, but I can tell you this. I also grew up in what my mother considered a good Christian home. She controlled everything I did, everyone I saw, what I watched, what I read, who I talked to, every second of my life. And I fought her all the way. It's awful to feel as though everything in your life is out of your hands. The moment I turned 18, I moved away, and I didn't speak to her. I still only speak to her every few months or so. I rebelled much like your daughter. Stealing, sneaking out, lying. When all I ever heard was how awful I was, that's what I became. I was a straight A student, loved by teachers, I had the good friends, I volunteered, I was active at school. None of it was good enough for my mom. So i did what it took to get some sort of acknowledgemebt. But eventually i grew out if it. I am now a responsible adult. But i did that all on my own.
Try showing your daughter that she's good enough. Look at her for who she is inside. Try to see the good. It will be worth it.
Videl
by on Oct. 26, 2011 at 6:27 PM

yes giving puppy away is to harsh..... for the puppy!

GaleJ
by on Oct. 26, 2011 at 6:31 PM
1 mom liked this

I will only address the issue of the puppy. A puppy is not a possession or a privilege but a companion animal you decided to adopt into your family. The puppy is now part of your family not a "something" that you use to make a point or against anyone. Furthermore the puppy may actually be a positive influence for your daughter, companion animals are not judgmental and their presence, the affection they give unconditionally and the bond that develops between them and children and adolescents is recognized as therapeutic,  I am also concerned with the message that this sends that living beings can just be dumped, it may well seem, to your daughter, that she also could be dumped. Please encourage your husband to rethink this. 

piesmama09
by on Oct. 26, 2011 at 6:32 PM
1 mom liked this

So, the puppy has to suffer because of something a teeneger did? Teenagers mess up, ALOT.

Shellness
by on Oct. 26, 2011 at 6:34 PM

Sometimes we have to give it over to our husbands. I haven't in the past and wish now that I had of about some things. He's probably right and I would stand behind him.

Lynda-Lou
by on Oct. 26, 2011 at 6:36 PM
1 mom liked this

Does giving the puppy away "fix" the problem?  Does the punishment go with the "crime"???  In other words, does giving the puppy away give her incentive to change?  I doubt it.  It just may anger her more, and cause her to lash out even more, in many other ways.  Find another form of punishment....take away priveledges, limit her time with her bf, make sure she has a chaperone when she goes shopping...etc.  And if she has a car, take that away as well. Take her cell phone away.  Take her tv away. Those are the kinds of punishments that may make her pay attention.  Don't punish the puppy by giving it away just because your daughter has been behaving badly.  The puppy doesn' know why, and it has found a happy home with you guys.  Don't punish the puppy for your daughter's behavior.  I would do as you said...community service and some counseling are definitely in order. She is acting out by stealing for another reason....and you need to find that reason.  Get to the root of the cause.  Don't treat the symptoms.....treat the problem....She needs to know what the consequences are for her actions, but giving her puppy away isn't going to "fix" it.  It only creates more annimosity, and the puppy suffers for no reason!!!!  And YES, it is too severe a punishment, and doesn't go with the crime committed!

calliemist
by on Oct. 26, 2011 at 6:41 PM

I agree. 


Seems like she is being punished already but also getting something done where she isn't only punished but learn exactly what she has done. 


She needs to have her friend (unless it's decided that the friend is a bad influence) 

Quoting mindyz1:

I dont agree.........with either thing; dog or BF.........the Dog and the BF didnt do anything wrong......she did......and as far as the BF goes......yes she should be grounded, i agree, for a period of time.........BUT I have learned from counseling, that kids NEED an outlet........shutting them OFF from all friends/SOs, is NOT healthy for a teen.

You need to definitely discuss this with your hubby and AGREE with they correct punishment.


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