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Got some news on Thanksgiving that I never thought I would hear!! Edited* Update*** Update again

Posted by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:01 AM
  • 548 Replies
9 moms liked this

My 15 year old son told me that his 16 year old girlfriend is pregnant, they found out last friday and just now told us.  Her mom took her to the doctor so her parents knew as well but no one told us.  We are going over to the girls house next weekend so that we can all sit down and talk about what is going to happen now.  My son said that she wants to keep the baby, so I guess we will see what happens when we all get together.  I am at a loss and do not know what to do, I don't know if I can be happy about this ever, I know I will once I see the baby but right now I am just really sad.  I wanted sooo much more for my son and I know they wanted more for their daughter , I am just angry that they did not use protection and now we have a baby coming.  I told my son after the first of the year he will be getting a part time job to help pay for things the baby will need, I also told him this means no band trip on spring break and no band lettersman jacket as that money will now have to go for the baby.  I am hoping that was the right thing to do. If you have any advice I would really appreciate it. 

Edit*  I have not read through all the replies yet, but I will.  I just want to thank you all for the support and advice I really need it right now.  As for the ones that say they can't believe I let my 15 year old have sex, I was not sitting in the room with them while this happened.  They were supposed to be at the movies with a group of friends,  obviously they left and went some where else if I had known that I would have stopped it from happening.  I will update again after we meet with her parents.

Update****  We had our meeting last night and did not get home until after 11pm.  I feel a lot better after talking to them and knowing for sure that all the parents are on the same page on everything.  We all agree that my son and their daughter will finish school and both go on to College, thank goodness her high school has a daycare in it that she will  work in for 1 hour a day so that the baby can stay there.  My son is going to pay half of all the medical costs for doctor appointments and the delivery and she will pay  for the other half, which holds them both responsible for their child.  The total amount for the pregnancy after the insurance pays is $953.85. We also agree that they still need to be kids some what and have time with their friends, and each other which is important for them to stay sane IMO.  My husband and I decided not to ask for a DNA test right now we still have along time till the baby is here and will decide what to do about that when it gets closer to time. My son told us that he has no doubts that the baby is his because they were both virgins when they had sex, and does not want a DNA test done,  but we will see.  We also started talking about the baby coming to our house several nights a week once the baby is about 6 months old, before that we will play it by ear and see what happens.  My son got his work permit from school today so now he will begin filling out applications, the only place I have found so far that hires under the age of 16 is McDonalds, but at least it would be a job, to start off with.  That is about all, I just feel very relieved and am no longer angry, I think I am now starting to accept it.  Thank you all for the advice, words of encouragement and prayers I really appreciate them all

 

Update again*****  We heard the babies heart beat today and it was the most beautiful sound I have heard since I had my own kids.  They will be doing an ultrasound on Tuesday to find out exactly how far along she is.

by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
shajdinyak
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:03 AM
6 moms liked this
Just curious if u had a protection talk prior? No advice but here's a bump..
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heartsnflowers
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:13 AM
16 moms liked this

IMO I think you did the right thing.. 

Big hugs to you too ..I am sure that was hard to hear..hugs

02nana07
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:16 AM
69 moms liked this

 1st I would have him get a paternity test as soon as the baby arrives. They do them before the baby leaves the hospital now.  I say this because I have seen to many guys pay for kids that they really think are theirs then years down the road find out they are not.  If it is his she shouldn't be offended because this is protecting the baby as well because paternity is established if needed to get child support or give the baby his name. 

I also would not pay any money until you have a court order because any support given before the order is considered a gift and child support for that time will have to be paid again.  Never give the mother a dime after you get the order without paying by check or money order and writing child support on the check so he gets credit for it.  

The reason I say this is if they are getting along now and he is giving her money and one day she gets mad at him even years down the road she can get back child support for the baby from the time it was born and he will have to pay for all that time again.

I hope things work out and they are able to raise the baby together.

photogal938
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:17 AM
3 moms liked this

I can only imagine how hard that was to hear.  Hugs

barfydoogin
by Member on Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:31 AM
1 mom liked this

Yes we did I talked about it a lot, his dad even showed him where his condoms are so I just don't understand.  My son says it just happened and he wasnt at home and he didn't take one of his dads condoms cause he just thought they were going to the movies.

Quoting shajdinyak:

Just curious if u had a protection talk prior? No advice but here's a bump..


barfydoogin
by Member on Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:35 AM
1 mom liked this

She is on her parents insurance but I am sure we they will expect us to help with co-pays and what is left to pay after the birth, do we need some kind of legal thing for all that to?  I have never had to deal with child support before.  I worry that she will try to use the baby against him to get what she wants, like if you don't do this or that you can't see the baby.  That is my biggest fear, and I do not have the money to hire a lawyer to help us through this.  do we have to pay for the DNA test?

Quoting 02nana07:

 1st I would have him get a paternity test as soon as the baby arrives. They do them before the baby leaves the hospital now.  I say this because I have seen to many guys pay for kids that they really think are theirs then years down the road find out they are not.  If it is his she shouldn't be offended because this is protecting the baby as well because paternity is established if needed to get child support or give the baby his name. 

I also would not pay any money until you have a court order because any support given before the order is considered a gift and child support for that time will have to be paid again.  Never give the mother a dime after you get the order without paying by check or money order and writing child support on the check so he gets credit for it.  

The reason I say this is if they are getting along now and he is giving her money and one day she gets mad at him even years down the road she can get back child support for the baby from the time it was born and he will have to pay for all that time again.

I hope things work out and they are able to raise the baby together.


conniejo75
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:41 AM
1 mom liked this
You do not have to pay any co pays or medical expenses.... he is only obligated to pay half the co pays of the baby once court ordered. If court orders paternity test you can petition for fee to be waived but usually the father does have to pay if it is found to be his. If not, the mother can be ordered to pay for it. You don't need an attorney but it does help to protect your sons rights.


Quoting barfydoogin:

She is on her parents insurance but I am sure we they will expect us to help with co-pays and what is left to pay after the birth, do we need some kind of legal thing for all that to?  I have never had to deal with child support before.  I worry that she will try to use the baby against him to get what she wants, like if you don't do this or that you can't see the baby.  That is my biggest fear, and I do not have the money to hire a lawyer to help us through this.  do we have to pay for the DNA test?


Quoting 02nana07:


 1st I would have him get a paternity test as soon as the baby arrives. They do them before the baby leaves the hospital now.  I say this because I have seen to many guys pay for kids that they really think are theirs then years down the road find out they are not.  If it is his she shouldn't be offended because this is protecting the baby as well because paternity is established if needed to get child support or give the baby his name. 


I also would not pay any money until you have a court order because any support given before the order is considered a gift and child support for that time will have to be paid again.  Never give the mother a dime after you get the order without paying by check or money order and writing child support on the check so he gets credit for it.  


The reason I say this is if they are getting along now and he is giving her money and one day she gets mad at him even years down the road she can get back child support for the baby from the time it was born and he will have to pay for all that time again.


I hope things work out and they are able to raise the baby together.




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melissa2196
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:56 AM
1 mom liked this

 Iam so sorry, I know this will be a hard pill to swollow...

 I wish you and your family the best!!!

flprincessmom
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:56 AM
8 moms liked this

 hugs to you mama!!!! this is my fear with my 15 year old son....I have had "the talk" with him and have supplied him with his own supply of condoms.....he says he is using them....but unfortunately time is what will tell the truth there.......if I were in that situation, I would also order a DNA test. They may not agree or like it and the girls mom might throw a stink, but, I would rather be 100% sure before my son or I help in any way. The "father" is not responsible for anything UNTIL paternity is established, then the support is retro to the day the baby is born.....I would also make him get a job and sacrifice whatever he needs to for the sake of the baby, ONCE PATERNITY IS ESTABLISHED, NOT BEFORE....if it makes you feel more comfortable, have a verbal agreement with her parents that once it is proven to be his baby you will help pay for whatever expenses were incurred during the pregnancy and @ birth...but, me personally, IMO, I would not do anything or pay for anything until we all knew for sure it was my son's baby....and I could be on both sides of this situation as I also have a daughter that could come to me at that age and tell me the same thing, then it will be ME who is responsible as her mom to pay for all expenses related to the prevention of pregnancy, but also a baby when/if she gets pregnant, and I would not expect the baby daddy or his family to pay for anything until it is proven to be his......

OHgirlinCA
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 11:00 AM
24 moms liked this
That is some shocking news! I'd make sure to give him support and help him become a good father. I know in my childrens' school district they have a separate school for teenage parents where they can go and daycare is provided. Make sure he gets through high school and help him find ways to go to college or a specialized trade school. Having more education will help him be able to provide for his child better down the line... Good luck to you!
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