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Calling all moms!

Posted by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:26 PM
  • 9 Replies
I am 17 and in college. My boyfriend is 16 and a senior in highschool. My parents give me no privacy. My boyfriend isn't allowed in my room at all even with the door open. His parents used to let me in his room but my mom told his mom im not allowed to go in his room ever. We used to hang out every saturday at his house but now his brother is in jail and he has to watch his five year old sister every saturday.Its not right that because of his brother we cant hang out. I asked my mom if i could go to his house on saturdays and she said no. Its really bothering me that she wont let me. We wouldn't be having sex honestly we never do it when people are around. She has told me before to tell her when i start to have sex but yet at the same time she told me she would ground me and ban me from seeing my boyfriend. She doesn't make sense. My boyfriends mother on the other hand gave him condoms and now she just asks him if we are having sex. He lies because she would tell my mom and i dont want it to cause trouble. Anyways parents my question for you is if i was your daughter would you want me to tell you? Is my mom going about this the wrong way?Am i going about this the wrong way? Should i still be able to hang out with him on saturdays? My mom is the church type of person who thinks i will never have sex and if she finds out she is set on breaking me and my boyfriend up. Honestly I think my mom needs to face reality head on. I wanna be able to talk to her about these things openly.The reason i ask this is because i have a cousin who is 18 and the boyfriend is 15 and yet they are allowed all the privacy in the world?and my mom said if i was a guy she wouldnt care if i had sex. DOUBLE STANDARD. Both of our moms were teen moms. We use condoms and birth control. We ony have sex like once a month. Our moms didn't use any protection, we do. were are not stupid. ANYWAYS feedback! please!
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:26 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Sandy0904
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 8:00 AM

Your mother has been in a situation that you don't even understand.  She probably wants you to have experiences in life that she was not able to have.  If you get pregnant (protection isn't 100 %) she knows what you will go through.  You must have future plans and having a baby would change alot.  You need to listen to what she is saying and not fight with her so much.  If you acted as a responsible person, then she might treat you like one.  I also need to let you know that mothers do not stop being your mother when you "become an adult". 

kquad
by Member on Nov. 27, 2011 at 8:55 AM

I would prefer my child tell me, but I have only boys.   It's tough as a parent because we've all made a lot of mistakes and don't want our kids to make the same mistakes (and we really hope not make new ones either).  Besides unplanned pregnancy there are STDs that can happen.  No birth control method is 100%.  Plus it may not seem it right now, but bf and gf change at that age.  Most kids don't end up with the same kids they dated in high school - or even college.  I met my DH when I was 24 and had several boyfriends before.  He was 34.  (Now we are 43 and 53.)  It's amazing how much things change as we get older.  Even married and old our relationship changes each year. 

For moms of boys it's a little easier, but we still worry too.  I think your bf mom feels that she would rather he talk to her and feel he can share than do things in secret - even if it's something she would rather he not do either.  If that makes sense.  I know I would rather my son not, but if he does be safe about it and feel he could share anything with us.

Maybe bring up to your mother instead your feelings of not being able to talk to her. ...


02nana07
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 8:58 AM

 This is great advice and if you are mature enough to understand it you are on your way to becoming an adult at 18.  

Quoting Sandy0904:

Your mother has been in a situation that you don't even understand.  She probably wants you to have experiences in life that she was not able to have.  If you get pregnant (protection isn't 100 %) she knows what you will go through.  You must have future plans and having a baby would change alot.  You need to listen to what she is saying and not fight with her so much.  If you acted as a responsible person, then she might treat you like one.  I also need to let you know that mothers do not stop being your mother when you "become an adult". 

 

momofne
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 9:49 AM

Okay here's my 2 cents.... I think it's always good to have a good line of communication between parents and their teens. Yes there are things parents don't want to hear or acknowledge just like I'm sure teens don't like what we have to say. But you should be able to discuss things. I also feel that if you are at someones house weather it's yours or someone else's you need to respect their rules and if that means no one in the room then so be it. You can still see your boyfriend and hang out else where in the house.

Remember no birth control is 100% and she is just trying to protect you from what mistakes she has made and her situation which like tthe other mom said you couldn't possibly understand. Being a mom of 2 boys I can tell you I worry just as much as if they were girls.

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Nov. 27, 2011 at 11:28 AM

I'm sorry but I agree with your mom.  Your mom doesn't want you having sex and getting pregnant.  If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have had sex until I was married.  Honestly.  I have lived through it and it is not exactly what you expect until you have the exact one you were made for.  Yes I know you love him and he loves you and everything is perfect in the world when you are doing it, BUT imagine it being even more, and even more sweet because you waited.

drfink
by Emily on Nov. 27, 2011 at 11:40 AM


Quoting momofne:

Okay here's my 2 cents.... I think it's always good to have a good line of communication between parents and their teens. Yes there are things parents don't want to hear or acknowledge just like I'm sure teens don't like what we have to say. But you should be able to discuss things. I also feel that if you are at someones house weather it's yours or someone else's you need to respect their rules and if that means no one in the room then so be it. You can still see your boyfriend and hang out else where in the house.

Remember no birth control is 100% and she is just trying to protect you from what mistakes she has made and her situation which like tthe other mom said you couldn't possibly understand. Being a mom of 2 boys I can tell you I worry just as much as if they were girls.

agree

PurpleHazey
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 3:37 PM

The first thing is you are not a mom you should not be in here, second thing it is your parents house and their rules stick, I wouldn't let my kids boyfriend or girlfriend in their rooms either. I think what you need is learn respect, just because yourin college does not make you a adult... as soon as you start making the right decisions then you are growing into a adult...reading your letter tells me you have the 18 year old attitude but you are only 17, you are a baby yes baby! age is nothing more than that!

PurpleHazey
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 3:37 PM


Quoting drfink:

 

Quoting momofne:

Okay here's my 2 cents.... I think it's always good to have a good line of communication between parents and their teens. Yes there are things parents don't want to hear or acknowledge just like I'm sure teens don't like what we have to say. But you should be able to discuss things. I also feel that if you are at someones house weather it's yours or someone else's you need to respect their rules and if that means no one in the room then so be it. You can still see your boyfriend and hang out else where in the house.

Remember no birth control is 100% and she is just trying to protect you from what mistakes she has made and her situation which like tthe other mom said you couldn't possibly understand. Being a mom of 2 boys I can tell you I worry just as much as if they were girls.

agree

Her house her rules.

PurpleHazey
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 3:38 PM


Quoting fantasticfour:

I'm sorry but I agree with your mom.  Your mom doesn't want you having sex and getting pregnant.  If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have had sex until I was married.  Honestly.  I have lived through it and it is not exactly what you expect until you have the exact one you were made for.  Yes I know you love him and he loves you and everything is perfect in the world when you are doing it, BUT imagine it being even more, and even more sweet because you waited.


It all boils down to it's her house and at 17 they are still baby's!

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