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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

13 yr old daughter doesn't listen anymore. Won't mind me anymore.

Posted by on Dec. 29, 2011 at 3:47 PM
  • 16 Replies

I have a 13yr old daughter who used to be a dream child.  Helped with everything I asked her to do.  Didn't really complain much about doing chores and now I can't get her to do anything without telling me "OK. Just a min" and then just sits there. 

She is now giving me attitude all the time and doesnt ever do the things she is asked to do properly.  If I ask her to take her back pack down to her room she will just place it on the stairs to take when she feels like going down.  Then when she does go down she ignores it and leaves it on the top of the stairs.

Little things like that.  Puts dishes away that are still dirty instead of re washing them. I could go on and on.  I feel like all I do now is nag nag nag at her and then she throws me attitude.  Grounding doesn't seam to do much good.  Ive taken the phone away, no friends etc.  I'm at my wits end. 

Any advice?

by on Dec. 29, 2011 at 3:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
caytismom
by on Dec. 29, 2011 at 3:54 PM

I have a 12 yr old daughter who flat out lies in my face, constantly breaking rules, i have boys showing up at the door at all hours, phone calls in middle of the night, refuses to do anything i ask of her. i have grounded her, whooped her, everything i can think of, and it does no good.  i am trying to raise her alone, and its not working.  im ready to pack her up and send her to her father, who does nothing to help only makes it worse, because i mentally cannot try to raise such a defiant child.  She has made it clear she will not change her behavior.  I don't know what to do either, but sit in my room and cry.

kissthevirgo
by on Dec. 29, 2011 at 5:06 PM

Oh gosh I'm sorry.  I 1/2 know what your going through.  I am remarried so my daughter looks at my husband half the time and asks for things and when he gives her the "wrong" answer she comes to me to see if I can give a better one.  So the lack of respect is not fully there.

Her dad takes her on weekends but it never makes much difference. 

Have you tried taking the phone away?  I took the internet away.  Have her Facebook username and PW. I have also friended her friends so I can keep up on what they are doing.  I have told her if she erases texts that she loses the phone and I WILL read them when ever I want.  I pay the bill...its still my phone and my business. 

Now if I can just get her to mind me and listen.

lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Dec. 29, 2011 at 5:55 PM
2 moms liked this

Tell her from now on anything left out after being asked to be put away will become your property. It will be held for 1 week. If her school work is in it to bad let her serve a week of detention. Dirty dishes SERVE her dinner on them ! Do not buy her anything, do not take her anywhere, tell her when her attitude changes and she acts politely and does what is asked of her then you will be happy to work with her.

drdevault
by on Dec. 29, 2011 at 6:02 PM

Im in the same boat with my 11 year old dd. Everytime she does get upset with me she says I am going to live with my dad, I dont want to be here anymore, I tell her to go, which probably isnt the right thing to say but maybe we will both get some good advice out of this post.

PurpleHazey
by on Dec. 29, 2011 at 7:50 PM

The age....Paige goes though that from time to time, she likes to bake but leaves the mess for me.

PurpleHazey
by on Dec. 29, 2011 at 7:51 PM


Quoting lucky2Beeme:

Tell her from now on anything left out after being asked to be put away will become your property. It will be held for 1 week. If her school work is in it to bad let her serve a week of detention. Dirty dishes SERVE her dinner on them ! Do not buy her anything, do not take her anywhere, tell her when her attitude changes and she acts politely and does what is asked of her then you will be happy to work with her.

Great idea!

momofne
by on Dec. 29, 2011 at 10:14 PM

Sounds like my son

Quoting PurpleHazey:

The age....Paige goes though that from time to time, she likes to bake but leaves the mess for me.


momofne
by on Dec. 29, 2011 at 10:15 PM

I like this!

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

Tell her from now on anything left out after being asked to be put away will become your property. It will be held for 1 week. If her school work is in it to bad let her serve a week of detention. Dirty dishes SERVE her dinner on them ! Do not buy her anything, do not take her anywhere, tell her when her attitude changes and she acts politely and does what is asked of her then you will be happy to work with her.


marney.p
by on Dec. 29, 2011 at 10:27 PM

You have to find a reward and a punishment that works for each individual child.

The only thing that worked when my son was 15 was money. He recieved $20 for the weekend on Friday night only if his room was spot less. He had an inspection. And had done his chores for the week. Small ones like emptying the dishwasher.  If he ever wanted extra money to buy a friend a present etc. He had to clean a bathroom. Only works if you are prepared to follow through and not give 1 cent when they do not live up to their side of the bargain. I have done this on some weekends.

alik1983
by Member on Dec. 30, 2011 at 6:18 PM

I'm going through the same thing with my 14 year old.  She changed schools for high school - went from public to private - and I'm amazed that she's becoming like this when we're now at a more controlled environment.  You and I are alike - my husband keep reminding me that their "frontal cortex" is still not connected and that "they know not what they do."  Other parents have told me the same thing.  I think they're really trying to "spread their wings" and see how far they can fly.  :(  SO, what I've done is what the others suggest - I've taken away her phone for two months (at one time); she cannot go on the internet at home either; and she did not have any "afterschool" time with her friends (I picked her up immediately after school was over).  (Crossing my fingers) she's been doing really well since, but I know it won't last forever.  The intermitent good behavior is welcomed; I cannot complain.  Try implementing really harsh punishments and, hopefully, she'll catch the hints.  Good luck and hugs to you - I know exactly how you feel! 

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