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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

One of my eldest daughters (20 y/o) still lives at home due to the costs for her to be at Uni, although she does work and contributes to rent, bills and helping with the younger kids. Her and her boyfriend have been together for about 3 months, he's a lovely lad and his Mother is lovely as well. I've never had an issue with my kids staying at boyfriends/girlifriends houses as long as I know where they are. I see no issue with them sharing a bed. Yet today, I was told that I am setting "poor boundaries", "poor discipline" and "bad examples" by letting this happen. What are your views? I let my kids do this at 15/16.

 



Andrew (23), John (21), Liia (20), Kirstee (19), Liam (6), Lily-May (3), George and Marley (2), Aiden (10mon)



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by on Jan. 21, 2012 at 10:05 AM
Replies (61-70):
hopealways4019
by on Jan. 22, 2012 at 12:08 PM
Kids shouldn't be shacking up under parents roof, but I'm being hyprocritial (spelled wrong) when I was in my 20's boyfriend did live with me and my mother, but my kids aint
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amberdy
by on Jan. 22, 2012 at 5:08 PM
Not in my house.
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JessMomOf9
by on Jan. 22, 2012 at 5:48 PM
1 mom liked this
Given that the grandchildren i do have weren't born when my kids were 15/16 i don't see how you can say i'm basically asking for teen pregnancies. Secondly, my dd in question is 20 and contributes to the rent and bills. DS1 has been with his now wife since he was 15. he is now 23 and she was his only girlfriend. DS2 is 21 and been with his girlfriend since he was 16, prior to that he had one girlfriend. DD1 (20) had a 2 year relationship and is now 3 months into a new one after her ex cheated. DD2 (19) is with her second partner. they've been together 3 years. How are my kids seeing they can sleep with multiple people? None of them, not even my 23y/o who is married get affectionate in front of the little ones and we've always had the rule that little ones knock on older ones door before they go in. I don't see how my kids are seeing a bad example? I never said they have my 'blessing' but the rule of 'in my house or boy/girlfriends house only' so that at least if they're going to do it, its a safe place


Quoting HopesNDreams:

 IMHO, you are the parent that makes every other parent groan when they have to hear 'But so-and-so can!' about completely inappropriate things.  It is not appropriate to allow 15 and 16 year olds to spend the night together, much less in the same bed!  Unless you are actively seeking a grandchild, there is no rational reason to allow this.  They will have their entire adult lives to explore the opposite sex and their bodies - why do you feel it is necessary to start this in high school, in your house, with your blessing???


As to the example it shows your younger kids, it is a bad, bad, BAD one.  You are allowing them to teach the little ones that they may sleep with their boyfriend/girlfriend and that is okay - this also means that sex is okay.  It also means that sleeping with several/many people is okay as a teen, since I doubt that any have had a relationship that lasted all through high school.  They are children, even at 16 and need to be taught what is acceptable - you are taking the lazy way out and using the feeble of excuse of 'I know where they are'. 


At age 18, I still do not find it appropriate to do this in front of the younger children.  They live in your house, where you are theorhetically the adult who makes the rules - therefore, they should be following the moral example that you want the little ones to learn.  Right now, this example is 'sleep with the oppositie sex - mom will make breakfast!'


This is not a household my children would be allowed to hang out at, much less spend the night at. 


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bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Jan. 22, 2012 at 6:10 PM
Never happened with my older kids before they moved out and def will not be happening with my 14 y/o DD before she moves out.

Quoting amberdy:

Not in my house.
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dobrd
by on Jan. 22, 2012 at 6:26 PM

JessMom019, Having younger kids still in the house?? Absolutely not.. You allowed your 15/16 yr. olds to do the same?? Your 20 yr/ old sleeping in your house w/younger kids is, to me, the same as what others are saying to you about this.. I would never allow this.. Take Care, Donna....

from_Britain
by on Jan. 22, 2012 at 6:30 PM
1 mom liked this

I think it's okay.

momofne
by on Jan. 22, 2012 at 8:06 PM

So I guess what I'm getting from all of this is that you think it's okay for 15/16 to have sex as long as it's at your house? Do you not worry about teen pregnancy?

Quoting JessMomOf9:

Given that the grandchildren i do have weren't born when my kids were 15/16 i don't see how you can say i'm basically asking for teen pregnancies. Secondly, my dd in question is 20 and contributes to the rent and bills. DS1 has been with his now wife since he was 15. he is now 23 and she was his only girlfriend. DS2 is 21 and been with his girlfriend since he was 16, prior to that he had one girlfriend. DD1 (20) had a 2 year relationship and is now 3 months into a new one after her ex cheated. DD2 (19) is with her second partner. they've been together 3 years. How are my kids seeing they can sleep with multiple people? None of them, not even my 23y/o who is married get affectionate in front of the little ones and we've always had the rule that little ones knock on older ones door before they go in. I don't see how my kids are seeing a bad example? I never said they have my 'blessing' but the rule of 'in my house or boy/girlfriends house only' so that at least if they're going to do it, its a safe place


Quoting HopesNDreams:

 IMHO, you are the parent that makes every other parent groan when they have to hear 'But so-and-so can!' about completely inappropriate things.  It is not appropriate to allow 15 and 16 year olds to spend the night together, much less in the same bed!  Unless you are actively seeking a grandchild, there is no rational reason to allow this.  They will have their entire adult lives to explore the opposite sex and their bodies - why do you feel it is necessary to start this in high school, in your house, with your blessing???


As to the example it shows your younger kids, it is a bad, bad, BAD one.  You are allowing them to teach the little ones that they may sleep with their boyfriend/girlfriend and that is okay - this also means that sex is okay.  It also means that sleeping with several/many people is okay as a teen, since I doubt that any have had a relationship that lasted all through high school.  They are children, even at 16 and need to be taught what is acceptable - you are taking the lazy way out and using the feeble of excuse of 'I know where they are'. 


At age 18, I still do not find it appropriate to do this in front of the younger children.  They live in your house, where you are theorhetically the adult who makes the rules - therefore, they should be following the moral example that you want the little ones to learn.  Right now, this example is 'sleep with the oppositie sex - mom will make breakfast!'


This is not a household my children would be allowed to hang out at, much less spend the night at. 



Jeanetts
by on Jan. 22, 2012 at 11:54 PM
2 moms liked this
Your house, your rules. The way I see it, she is an adult, she pays her way, and times have changed. I also believe the way the Dutch do. They have a much healthier attitude about sex. Also, a lot less teenage pregnancy and STD's. Why force her out on her own before she is ready over this. A lot of people still have puritan views on this kind of thing. I say good for you. I bet your daughter will have happier, healthier relationships all her life because of the open and supportive role her parents have in this part of her life.
ScholarshipMom
by on Jan. 23, 2012 at 7:02 AM
1 mom liked this

My oldest is 20 and we've made it clear to him that he sleeps on the couch when his girlfriend visits. (They both live away at college 2 hours away)  We have younger kids (10 and 17) and until my oldest is married, they will NOT sleep together in my house. 

cowgirlnicey
by on Jan. 23, 2012 at 8:12 AM
1 mom liked this
I have 3 teens youngest 15 and older 2 twins(b/g) 19.The son(1 of twins) is a Marine in San Diago. The 19 girl twin still at hm doing nothing. The 15 yr old in high school sophmore. Bottom line In our home till you are married no sleeping together all night. Our oldest daughter is on her second boyfriend. We don't have a problem with them in her room door open watching a movie,if they need a blanket the movie watching goes to living room. My wonderfull husband I do not allow anything to give ok that they sleep in same bed together. There age is an adult but their minds are not. My husband was 19 I was 17 wen we had our twins, Yes we are still together but that's not the point. The point is enjoy your life till you have the right mind to make a family decision. If you have only dated under 6 months in our home the bedroom is off limits. We are not allowing a sample of you are easy to get in our house. We teach morals and self respect that goes a long way. It's all in how you parent and approach life to your kids that you will get their attention. Consistency goes a long way when parenting. Which in turn will make your teens listen. Now my husband and I are not perfect but our. Counseling helps us a lot to be firm and as major young parents helps us to manage a healthy home Going forward.
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