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How Would You Handle This?

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:16 AM
  • 16 Replies

Hi ladies, I'm new to the group so I'l introduce myself a little before asking my question. I'm Lindsay, 28, married, SAHM to 4 kids-Emily 13 in 2 months, Ethan 11, Jackson 6 & Levi 7 months

So to my question; A week ago my daughter got a nasty voicemail on her cell phone-the person on the phone(unknow number & they were disgusing/using something to change their voice) was talking about her texting a boy, called her a whore, said I know where you live bi#$%, & that she better stop.

Fast forward to yesterday, she tells me it was this boy she likes & that he admitted to it. She is apparently ok with all this which honestly makes me upset that she doesn't care that some boy was talking to her like that.

I told her I didn't want her texting him anymore. That if she still wants to be friends with him, that's her business even though I don't like the idea but that I wasn't ok with this behavior & was limiting her involvment with him. Of course, she thinks I'm horribly mean.

So how would you have handled this?? Am I overracting?? I don't want her thinking the way he talked to her is ok in any way but is this the best way to do that??

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Not_A_Native
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:35 AM

Honestly, I'm sure she knows it wasn't ok.  Unless it's something she lives with (which I'm thinking no, since you don't think it's right).  Kids play pranks, and some of them (esecially at that age) involve stuff like that.  What is the boy like in person?  Have you met him?  Spend some time volunteering at the school, meet these people, it might give you a whole 'nother perspective.

MommyVC
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:36 AM

I think you're being a good, protective momma.

atlmom2
by Susie on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:47 AM

You can't always pick your child's friends.  You can attempt to guide them but you can't pick your kids friends.  I would tell her that behavior isn't acceptable but its up to her to do with what you tell her. 

I told my dd some of her friends were total losers.  Took her 4-5 years to get rid of some of them and they had to steal money from her for her to dump them.  I was never so glad when she dumped the loser friends. 

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:49 AM
3 moms liked this

I would have talked to her and asked how she felt about the voicemail.  Did it scare her?  Make her angry? Hurt her feelings?  Does she believe it is acceptable behavior to leave a message like that?    Did she feel relieved to find out who it was?

Then I would ask her what makes it okay,now that she knows it was this boy?  Does she think it was a joke of sorts?      Would she allow him to speak to her that way?  Did he apologize?

Then I would explain about self respect and not allowing anyone to treat her with such disrespect.   Help her come to the conclusion that she deserves to be respected, and it is up to her to set the standards.   Not all attention is good attention, if someone does not treat her well, they are not worth her time.   What makes that boy worth her forgiveness?   How has he redeemed himself?

Don't lecture, or give orders.....just talk and listen.   This is an opportunity to guide her and give her the tools to teach others how to treat her.




Katherine696997
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:52 AM
Quoting Not_A_Native:

Honestly, I'm sure she knows it wasn't ok.  Unless it's something she lives with (which I'm thinking no, since you don't think it's right).  Kids play pranks, and some of them (esecially at that age) involve stuff like that.  What is the boy like in person?  Have you met him?  Spend some time volunteering at the school, meet these people, it might give you a whole 'nother perspective.



Wyndi
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:54 AM
1 mom liked this

Me, I would take the cell phone, and let the boys parents hear it. As well as file harrassment/bullying charges. I'd be sending the message that not only is it not right, but you won't get away with that crap with my daughter. 

I'd also be talking to my daughter about setting her price tag up higher. Cause no one talks like that to my daughter, she won't allow it and doesn't want me to get involved these days. 

singletiredmom
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:54 AM

I would have handled it the same way you did.  I have 2 teenagers in High School and I try to stay out of the "drama" unless I see that something is hurting or really bothering my kids, then I get involved.  I also make it clear to them that they can come to me for my help whenever they feel they need to and that we will tackle whatever it is together. 

BlessedToBeMe
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:00 AM

We did talk about it when it first happened-she told me about it b/c she was mad & we discussed who she thought it was-at the time she thought it was a friend of her's(a girl) & another girl. At that time she was upset by it & I told her since she didn't actually know who it was to leave it alone(she wanted to say something to her friend) but to watch how close she go to her & how much private info she told her(basic watch who you trust stuff)

But now that its this boy she doesn't care at all. She told me it was a prank call, b/c he thought she had pranked him. I guess really its her reaction to finding out its this boy that bothers me most. I don't want her thinking she has to put up with being treated badly by a boy-I want her to have high standards for herself when it comes to boys.

Quoting boys2men2soon:

I would have talked to her and asked how she felt about the voicemail.  Did it scare her?  Make her angry? Hurt her feelings?  Does she believe it is acceptable behavior to leave a message like that?    Did she feel relieved to find out who it was?

Then I would ask her what makes it okay,now that she knows it was this boy?  Does she think it was a joke of sorts?      Would she allow him to speak to her that way?  Did he apologize?

Then I would explain about self respect and not allowing anyone to treat her with such disrespect.   Help her come to the conclusion that she deserves to be respected, and it is up to her to set the standards.   Not all attention is good attention, if someone does not treat her well, they are not worth her time.   What makes that boy worth her forgiveness?   How has he redeemed himself?

Don't lecture, or give orders.....just talk and listen.   This is an opportunity to guide her and give her the tools to teach others how to treat her.


BlessedToBeMe
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:04 AM

Thanks

I guess that's why I'm worried about handling it right. She did come to me with this situation, which I'm happy about. But now she obviously doesn't like the way I'm handling it. I want to protect her but not shut down our communication at the same time

Quoting singletiredmom:

I would have handled it the same way you did.  I have 2 teenagers in High School and I try to stay out of the "drama" unless I see that something is hurting or really bothering my kids, then I get involved.  I also make it clear to them that they can come to me for my help whenever they feel they need to and that we will tackle whatever it is together. 


singletiredmom
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 10:14 AM

I grew up with a very judgmental, overly protective mother and I could always count on her to make a scene that only made going to school that much more difficult.  So, I stopped telling her things and just dealt with it on my own,  which being in High School and having such limited experience in how the world worked made it tough sometimes.  So, I prefer to just step back and let my kids deal with it knowing that they will come to me if they need help.  I also try to keep the lines of communication open.  I try to never ask yes or no questions.  For example instead of asking "how way your day" which will always get a reply of "fine" from a teenager, I ask "what did you do today" so there is more chance of meaningful communication.  I also watch their moods at the dinner table and can usually tell if something is bothering them.  Altho, teenagers are really moody by nature sometimes it can be hard to tell if it's a problem that I need to get involved in or just a "bad" hormone day.... LOL  This is just me and how I find that it works in my family.....   

Quoting BlessedToBeMe:

Thanks

I guess that's why I'm worried about handling it right. She did come to me with this situation, which I'm happy about. But now she obviously doesn't like the way I'm handling it. I want to protect her but not shut down our communication at the same time

Quoting singletiredmom:

I would have handled it the same way you did.  I have 2 teenagers in High School and I try to stay out of the "drama" unless I see that something is hurting or really bothering my kids, then I get involved.  I also make it clear to them that they can come to me for my help whenever they feel they need to and that we will tackle whatever it is together. 



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