no, i am hoping that she really sees what smoking does to her papa ( my dad ) and does not start! I honestly do not know what I would do for a punishment if she did...
Quoting nicole1319:no, i am hoping that she really sees what smoking does to her papa ( my dad ) and does not start! I honestly do not know what I would do for a punishment if she did...
:) No problem :)
Quoting m0m23b0ys458:
Thanks for the reply!
Quoting nicole1319:no, i am hoping that she really sees what smoking does to her papa ( my dad ) and does not start! I honestly do not know what I would do for a punishment if she did...
No I have not caught my kids smoking and hope I never do. But if I do, there will be punishment, I just don't know what it would be.
Quoting fantasticfour:No I have not caught my kids smoking and hope I never do. But if I do, there will be punishment, I just don't know what it would be.
He's punishing himself by smoking in the first place, why punish him again? I get disturbed when the first thing moms see as a solution to every teen misadventure is punishment.
My logic is simple. We raise them, but we seem to avoid taking any responsibility when they do stupid teen tricks, as if we just met them yesterday. We blame it on their friends, their hormones, anything that doesn't involve us. Then when they inevitably do something that doesn't suit our preconceived view of how they 'ought' to be, we jump to punishment mode.
It's like, he's punishing me with this behavior, so I'm going to punish him/her. Once you escalate the violence, and that's what it is, violence, the war begins.
So, enough lecture, what's a mom to do?
Before you go to war, perhaps a sit down, "Dear one, I am devastated that I did so poorly in warning you against the filthy and dangerous habit of cigarette smoking. I'm so sorry to have let you down." Stop talking.
When he/she says whatever, if it's anything other than, 'Oh, I tried it, but didn't like it, it won't happen again,' then your next response is, "Well, I screwed up, but, of course, I can't participate in this by giving you money to buy cigarettes. And since I don't know what you may do with it, like buying cigarettes, then I can't give you any money at all." Then don't, nil, nada, nothing.
Yes, this is a form of punishment, hopefully less antagonistic than a list of restrictions, you aren't telling him what he can or can't do, you are saying what you won't do (help him endanger his health.) You are not asking him to quit smoking, you are simply saying you won't support it. And you will endure your own punishment because you will have to literally buy everything for him.
Perhaps other moms have thoughts on this, it's a dilemma alright.
No, they know better. They are now 20 and 18 anyway. The punishment wouldn't have been worth the smoking to them if they were younger. FIL, is on oxygen and still struggles for every breath. They have seen that for years and what smoking did to him.
It IS against the law if you are under 18. Why just ignore and allow it?
Quoting nishiko:He's punishing himself by smoking in the first place, why punish him again? I get disturbed when the first thing moms see as a solution to every teen misadventure is punishment.
My logic is simple. We raise them, but we seem to avoid taking any responsibility when they do stupid teen tricks, as if we just met them yesterday. We blame it on their friends, their hormones, anything that doesn't involve us. Then when they inevitably do something that doesn't suit our preconceived view of how they 'ought' to be, we jump to punishment mode.
It's like, he's punishing me with this behavior, so I'm going to punish him/her. Once you escalate the violence, and that's what it is, violence, the war begins.
So, enough lecture, what's a mom to do?
Before you go to war, perhaps a sit down, "Dear one, I am devastated that I did so poorly in warning you against the filthy and dangerous habit of cigarette smoking. I'm so sorry to have let you down." Stop talking.
When he/she says whatever, if it's anything other than, 'Oh, I tried it, but didn't like it, it won't happen again,' then your next response is, "Well, I screwed up, but, of course, I can't participate in this by giving you money to buy cigarettes. And since I don't know what you may do with it, like buying cigarettes, then I can't give you any money at all." Then don't, nil, nada, nothing.
Yes, this is a form of punishment, hopefully less antagonistic than a list of restrictions, you aren't telling him what he can or can't do, you are saying what you won't do (help him endanger his health.) You are not asking him to quit smoking, you are simply saying you won't support it. And you will endure your own punishment because you will have to literally buy everything for him.
Perhaps other moms have thoughts on this, it's a dilemma alright.
Come join me at The Duggars Debate, The Good, The Bad and the Ugly
I'm ready to pull the earbuds out of his ears and put them somewhere less comfortable.
- m0m23b0ys458
on Feb. 9, 2012 at 7:46 AM